6,738 Miles
by Leah by Michelangelo
Summary: 2007 Movie-verse. It's been almost a year since Leonardo's return from South America. Ever since the end of the Nightwatcher, Raphael has been moving rapidly through his training. But he's just hit a stopping block. Master Splinter cannot teach Raphael any further until the hothead has learned to control his anger. So Splinter decides to make some arrangements...
1. Breaking Point

**Hey Guys! Yeah, I know, I'm working on a lot of stories right now, but I've had this idea in my head for like…forever, and I decided to go ahead and try it out to see whether or not you guys liked it! If you don't like it then I'll just leave it as a one-shot. So please review and tell me whether I should write more or not!**

 **P.S. Yes, I realize that the summary makes it seem as though this fic will be all about Raph, I'm going to tell you right now: Not so. It will also center quite a bit around how Raph's family deals with the situation back at home while he is gone.** **For all you Donnie lovers out there, there will be a lot of Donnie in this story, trust me. Also a lot of things in Donnie's POV.**

 **P.P.S Just to get this clear, this story is set in the 2007 movie verse. While I may allude to series or other movies, it is based in the 2007 movie verse. ok. good. Now that that's all out of the way, let's start this thing!**

* * *

 **6,738 Miles**

 **Ch. 1-Breaking Point**

Splinter watched his sons with a very serious frown. Loud voices reverberated off the concrete walls of the lair. They were fighting. Or, more accurately, one was fighting the rest of them.

 _Ah, Raphael, what am I going to do with you?_ The old rat thought wistfully. Raphael had been very tense of late. It had been about a year since Leonardo returned to them from South America.

Raphael had progressed magnificently in his training, moving rapidly and surpassing his two younger siblings easily. It was his intense drive that had led to his success.

Following the end of the Nightwatcher, Raphael had thrown himself head-first into his training with an all-out devotion and focus that Splinter had never before seen in his hot-headed son. But now he had hit a stopping block.

You see, there was nothing further that the old rat could teach Raphael, at least, not until he learned how to better discipline his anger. Unlike Leonardo, who had just needed a little bit of time for self-discovery and awareness, Raphael would require a more _instructional_ guidance.

Splinter's frown deepened as Raphael proceeded to yell in his brothers' faces. Before the hotheaded turtle could storm off, the old rat called him back. "Raphael."

Slowly, his son turned to him.

"Come with me." He instructed gently.

Michelangelo smirked and murmured something along the lines of, "Oooooh, you're in trouble!"

Raphael growled, but nevertheless followed his sensei obediently.

Leonardo shifted a little where he stood, a deep frown spread across his face. He'd seen that look in Sensei's eyes before, he'd heard that tone in Sensei's voice before. He just hoped it didn't mean what he thought it meant.

"Kneel." Splinter instructed when he and his son reached the dojo.

Raphael did so, lowering his gaze respectfully. He could hear his father shuffling across the room and picking something up. When the old rat slowly made his way back, Raph looked up.

Splinter was holding something wrapped in cloth and tied with a red ribbon.

Raph's piercing golden gaze met his father's and Splinter elaborated.

"This was meant to be your birthday gift, my son. However, due to the arrangements I have made, I must give it to you now." The old rat placed the gift at his son's knees, but instead of opening it right away, Raphael stared incredulously at him.

"What do you mean Sensei? Are you going somewhere?"

Master Splinter sighed and put a hand on Raphael's head affectionately. "No, my son. But I have arranged for you to go away for training."

Raphael's posture straightened and his eyes went wide. "Uh…Sensei, I don't think that's such a good idea, I mean…the guys are still trying to get over Leo being gone."

Splinter lowered his gaze. "I know, and I have considered this. But you need to learn to control your anger, Raphael, in order to progress further in your training. I know someone who can help you do so. I have arranged for you to spend six months with him in Japan."

Raph's bright, golden eyes were huge. "Japan! That's like halfway around the globe!"

The old rat put a calming hand on his son's shoulder. "I know, my son. And it was very difficult for me to come to this decision. But it must be done."

The red-masked turtle was silent, his gaze riveted to the floor in front of him. "When do I leave, Sensei?" He asked, defeated.

"Tonight." Splinter stated, and he frowned as he saw a flash of remorse in his child's eyes. After giving Raphael's shoulder an encouraging squeeze, the old rat retreated to his room, sensing that his son needed a few moments alone. But just before he went inside, the old rat turned and said over his shoulder, "You may say goodbye to your brothers in whatever manner you wish, my son. However, remember that they will not want to let you go. In the meantime, I suggest you pack your things." With that, the old rat left Raphael alone in the center of the dojo.

Then the hotheaded turtle's gaze landed once more on the present at his feet. He untied the ribbon carefully and folded back the fabric. New Sais. They were beautiful. A light durable steel hilt, red-wrapped handles, and the Hamato clan symbol engraved in them. Raph picked one up and spun it lightly. With a small grin, he tucked the new sais in his belt and left the old ones on the wrack in the dojo.

* * *

As soon as Raphael burst out of the dojo, the other three turtles knew something was up. The hotheaded turtle didn't even glance at them, which was odd, since normally Raph always glared at them after he got in trouble. And then Raphael stormed into his room and slammed the door, followed by a heavy click. They exchanged nervous glances. Raph never locked his door. Sure he pretty much kept it closed, but he never locked it.

Leonardo was, as usual, the first one to act. He walked swiftly down the hall and knocked on Raph's door. "Hey Raph, what's up?"

"None o' yur business, Leo. Buzz off!" Raph's thick drawl yelled back from inside.

Leo heard the opening and closing of drawers, and the sounds of things being moved around and he raised an eye-ridge. "Raph, what is going on in there?"

"I'm redecoratin'! Just go away Leo!" Raphael insisted angrily.

But the entire Hamato family knew that Leonardo could be just as stubborn as Raphael when he wanted to be. So the sword-wielding turtle just made himself comfortable outside Raph's door and waited. It only took about three minutes before Raphael let out a cry of frustration and flung the door wide open.

Leo smirked in victory, but that smirk was soon wiped right off of his face as he saw all the things laid out on Raph's bed. Pictures of them from when they were younger, a few drawings, an extra mask, plenty of ninja stars, assorted small and light weapons like manriki, and his sais. Leo then turned his gaze to Raph's face and the hotheaded turtle's angry glare softened a little.

Leonardo pushed his way past the hothead and into the room, closing and locking the door behind him so that their brothers wouldn't be able to come in. At first Raphael protested, but as soon as he saw the glint in Leonardo's eyes, he knew there would be no preventing this talk.

"Where is he sending you? South America?"

Raphael looked down. "I can't tell you, Leo."

The eldest turtle raised an eye-ridge and he asked angrily, "Why not?"

"Because you'd never let me go. None of you would." Raph replied, his drawl thick and full of emotion.

"I wouldn't have a choice." Leo admitted quietly. "It was Sensei's decision, not mine."

"Then let's leave it at that. The last thing I wanna have to do today is get in another fight with you guys."

"When do you leave?" The leader asked softly, not really wanting to believe that one of his younger brothers was going to have to face the wilds of wherever Sensei was sending him alone.

"Tonight."

Leonardo's eyes widened. "What?! Why such short notice?"

Raphael shrugged and began to stuff his things inside a bag.

Leo frowned. "Do you have a cloak?"

Raphael raised an eye-ridge, "A what?" He asked, a little surprised by the sudden topic change.

"Wait here." Leo instructed, leaving the room.

After Leo left Raphael could feel nothing but emptiness. _Is this what it's going to feel like all the time now? Without my brothers?_

The eldest turtle returned seconds later with a tattered brown piece of clothing in his hands. He held it up for Raphael to see. "Here, take this. I used it in South America, it helped me protect my identity."

Slowly Raph took it. The normally rough and hotheaded turtle folded it gently and tucked it neatly away in his bag. "Thanks Leo." He murmured quietly.

Leonardo nodded and put a hand on the sinuous shoulder. Raphael smiled a little before suddenly yanking his brother into an awkwardly one-sided hug, Leo being a little too stunned to hug back at first. But after a few moments, Leo returned the embrace whole-heartedly.

"Raphael…how long?" The eldest turtle asked, his voice wavering slightly.

Leo didn't need to elaborate; Raphael knew what he was asking. They pulled out of the hug and a long silence spread between them. Until Raph finally whispered, "Six months."

Leo lowered his gaze and put a hand on Raph's shoulder. He didn't want to let go. He didn't want to watch his immediate younger brother leave. Splinter undoubtedly had the best intentions, but after the way he'd had to pull his family back together after returning from South America, Leonardo knew this was going to hurt them deeply. "When are you going to tell the others?"

"I'm not. I want you to do it after I'm gone." Leo let out a sound of protest, but Raph cut him off as he went on. "They'll never let me go if I tell them, Leo."

With a sigh, the eldest turtle realized that his brother was right. Mikey and Donnie still reacted nervously anytime Leo went somewhere by himself. Finding out that Raphael was leaving would certainly spur them into action. Their pleas would only make it that much harder for Raph.

Leo's eyes glinted as he nodded. "I understand. I'll tell them."

Raph gave his older sibling a grateful look and Leo offered him a wan smile. The mood darkened a little as Leo's smile melted into a stern glare. "Raphael you better stay out of trouble or so help me…"

The hothead chuckled warmly and punched Leo's shoulder playfully. "Don't give me any ideas, Fearless."

After a few moments of lighthearted roughhousing, the mood sobered once again. "It's still a couple of hours until dark. When do you leave?"

"I don't know. Father didn't exactly tell me what time the plane is leaving." Raph said with a shrug.

Silence spread between them yet again.

Leonardo sighed and began to head for the door. "C'mon. Let's go. I want the four of us to spend some time together before you go."

Raph just shrugged it off. "Sure, whatever."

* * *

 **Raph's POV**

The flight to Japan is long and boring. For some strange reason the only thing I can think about is the fact that with every passing second I'm being carried further and further away from my brothers. Further and further away from family, from my home, from the only life I've ever known.

I'm not really sure what to think about all this training crud Sensei says he 'arranged.' I certainly don't like that I'm just gonna have to trust that Sensei's 'friend' won't expose my identity and hand me over to some science lab. In any case, I'll have to be on the alert. Just in case this 'friend' isn't so friendly.

My fingers tighten around the sparkling new sais in my belt and I let out a quiet growl. If you ask me, this whole plan is stupid.

The airport is by far the biggest obstacle in this entire journey. So many people and so many ways things could go wrong. So Sensei had actually arranged for April to put me in a big crate, large enough for me to sit comfortably in anyway, and to get the crate put on a flight to Japan.

Of course, since April deals in rare historical artifacts and all her papers are in order, everything had gone smoothly. Now I was simply depending on Sensei's 'friend' to pick me up at the airport and take me to wherever-the-shell we're going.

So here I am. In a crate on my way to Japan, boxed up like a piece of goddamn merchandise. Waiting for this long-as-shell plane ride to be over and done with. I wonder if Leo's told the guys the truth yet.

Donnie knew. Or at least he figured it out. Of course, he didn't say that, but it's pretty freakin' plausible.

* * *

 **Don's POV (Earlier that evening)**

 _Something's wrong._ I thought as I laughed at Raph, Leo, and Mikey's antics.

 _Huh? Where did that thought come from?_ I wondered briefly.

Raph had been in a really good mood since Leo had gone to speak to him earlier and right now we were enjoying an evening of fun and games.

 _But something_ _ **is**_ _wrong._ My eye-ridges furrowed. I took a good long look at my eldest brother and realized that my instincts were right. Leonardo was laughing happily, openly, but somewhere deep beneath that mask of laughter, lay something unsettling.

I couldn't quite put my finger on the emotion that flashed through my older brother's eyes. _Something's wrong with Leo?_ I asked myself, uncertainly. _Could be, but…_ At that precise moment I caught my two older siblings exchanging glances. That was more than just a glance. _They're hiding something…_

But as soon as the moment passed, their laughter rang through the lair once again. I briefly turned my attention to my brothers' laughter. I couldn't help but chuckle along. My brothers hadn't been this happy in a long time. And it had been a really long while since we'd all laughed together. With Raph being so angry all the time, it's been hard to let loose.

I really don't understand why Raph get so incensed over the slightest little things, but lately I think it's been stress. He was doing really well for a while until he hit a wall in his training.

Sensei says Raph needs to learn to exercise some measure of control his over anger before they can move on. I know that that must be very hard for Raph to accept. Since the whole 'Nightwatcher' incident, training and patrol have really been his only outlets. And we haven't had too much to do during patrol lately.

I wonder why Raph was acting so weird after Sensei pulled him aside earlier. Shell, he's acting weird right now! I mean, my hotheaded brother almost never laughs this openly about things. And it's not often that he actually goes out of his way to spend quality time with us. I wonder about the reasons behind his behavior.

Something else flashed through my mind's eye: Leo's face as Raph emerged from the dojo and headed to his room, that alien look in my eldest brother's eyes as Sensei called Raph in to speak with him… _Leo knows._ Whatever it is, Leo knows exactly what's going on.

Slowly I began to sort through the pieces of the puzzle as they occured: Splinter calls Raph in to speak with him alone, Raph locks himself in his room, Leo knows something, Leo rushes to confront Raph, that look…

That look Raph and Leo shared…the answer was in that simple glance. I just know it!

I return to the here and now and give Raph a quick once-over. _Are those…new sais? But where did he get them?_

 _Sensei._ My mind supplied.

 _But why would Sensei give them to Raph now? Sensei's not really in the habit of giving gifts for no particular reason…_

 _Our Birthday._

 _But…our birthday is three weeks away. Why would Sensei give them to Raph early?_

My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach as the voice inside my head echoed: _Leo knows. Leo knows what's going on._

Leo knows. He knows because he went through it. Sensei asks to talk to Raph alone and gives him his birthday present. Leo knows what's happening and confronts Raph. Raph suddenly goes out of his way to spend the rest of the afternoon with us.

 _Raph's leaving._ The realization knocked the air out of me faster than a knee to the chest and I allowed myself to fall listlessly back onto the couch.

Mikey turned to me with innocent, worried eyes. "Donnie? You okay, bro?"

Raph and Leo were suddenly at my side, their eyes and voices filled with concern. I don't know what they said. I didn't pay much attention. But I came to a decision.

For Michelangelo's sake I wasn't going to make a scene. Goodness knows if Mikey found out he'd never let Raph out of the lair. "I'm fine." I stated evenly, and both of my older brothers glared.

Raphael crossed his hands over his chest and his eyes narrowed. "Yeah sure you are." He quipped sarcastically. "You just collapsed like a daisy in the desert!"

I rolled my eyes and murmured, "Actually daisies can withstand temperatures up to 97 degrees."

I didn't even need to look at him to see the scowl on his face. "Raph, I'm fine, really." I said, standing to put a hand on his shoulder.

His eyes softened a little and for a few moments I wondered what it would be like not having my boisterous, hotheaded brother around.

 _Quiet._ My mind answered.

I smiled at Raph and eventually he backed down and let it go. But for the next couple of hours I could sense his eyes occasionally drifting over in my direction, as though he were reasserting that I was, in fact, fine.

After we'd all eaten, the four of us were sprawled out on the couches watching Mikey and Raph compete at video games. I'd had a lot of fun tonight. A lot more than I've had over the past few months.

 _I really hope I'm wrong. I hope that Raph isn't leaving us._

But just as that thought crossed my mind, our father stepped into the room. "Raphael."

Raph paused the game and looked up at Splinter slowly. There it is. That look again.

That look is a confirmation of my fears. _Raph's leaving._

"If I'm not mistaken you have an appointment at ten o'clock to help April and Casey move new furniture into their house. Isn't that right, my son?"

My red masked brother stiffened a little as we all turned to him expectantly. Finally he grumbled. "Yeah, it's at ten. But it's only nine-thirty, Sensei."

"Indeed it is, but if you do not want to be late I suggest you get going."

Raph stood and bowed respectfully. "Hai Sensei."

"Ooh! Ooh! I wanna help!" Mikey crowed happily, in a good mood after spending so much quality time with the three of us.

Master Splinter tapped his stick on the ground sternly. "No, Michelangelo. I'm sure Raphael and Casey Jones can take care of whatever needs to be done. You would only be in the way, my son."

"Awww…" Mikey groaned sadly. "But I wanted to help!"

Father chuckled at Mikey's put-out expression and said softly, "If you are interested in helping, perhaps you could help me organize the weapons racks in the dojo." Splinter gestured for Mikey to follow him to the dojo and led the youngest away.

Mikey followed slowly and turned back briefly to grimace at us and I couldn't help but smile at the abrupt change in attitude. _That's Mikey for you._

Suddenly a whisper from Leo alerted me to what was going on behind where I was sitting. "So…you'll be going then?"

I turned to glance at them and realized that Raph must have run to his room as soon as Mikey had begun whining, because he was now sporting a rather beat-up leather satchel.

Raph nodded and the two of them exchanged a final glance before my red masked brother bounded out of the lair at an extreme speed.

Something welled up inside of me and I couldn't stop myself.

I hurled myself towards the door, only to be halted mid-stride by my older brother holding me back. I glared back over my shoulder at him and fought to get away, but his grip was strong and firm. Finally, as a last resort I looked into his eyes and let all my walls crumble. "Leo…please…"

I suddenly fell forward as the grip on my shell disappeared completely. I didn't look back. I just ran out into the sewers.

If Raph was really headed to Casey and April's place, then I might stand a chance at catching up with him.

I ran as fast as my legs could carry me until I finally caught up with Raphael. He was on his way up the ladder to the surface when I reached him. When he turned to stare at me with those hard golden eyes of his, I couldn't help but get the impression that he'd been expecting this.

"What do ya want Donnie?" He asked, his tone harsh and biting.

I suddenly found myself unable to speak. _Raphael, don't leave! Please don't leave! We can't lose you! It was bad enough when Leo was gone! This would tear us apart, Raph! Please don't go! You're my brother and I love you! Please don't leave! Don't leave us!_ I wanted to yell, but the words wouldn't come. I just stood there like an idiot.

My mouth opened, then closed and my jaw clenched shut. There was nothing I could say. Nothing I could do. Raph was leaving.

My shoulders loosened and I took a step back from the ladder.

Raphael turned away with an angry frown. Anger to hide his hurt. As though he had wanted me to say something. As though he had secretly hoped I would make him stay. Then with a low growl, he turned his face upward.

I watched him progress up the ladder, and disappear through the manhole above.

As he slid the cover back into place, I was left in darkness. And I felt as though something inside of me was breaking.

* * *

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	2. Be Safe

**Here's Chapter two! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Ch. 2-Be Safe**

 **Michelangelo's POV**

I can't believe that Sensei's making me do this! When I said I wanted to help I meant I wanted to help Raph help April and Casey. I didn't mean I wanted to spend the next three hours of my life sorting the weapons wracks! Splinter always lets Raph go hang with Casey! It's not fair! I want a piece o' the action!

Suddenly the sound of a scuffle in the front room made my eyes turn curiously toward the door. The sounds ceased almost as soon as they had begun, but Sensei's expression only confirmed to me that he'd heard it too. I jumped up to go investigate, but Splinter held me back. "No Michealangelo. Just a moment."

Sure enough, less than thirty seconds later Leonardo entered the dojo. He sighed and I frowned. Yes, I frowned. Leo looked almost ten years older than he had less than ten minutes ago. I put a hand on his shoulder, "You okay bro? What happened?"

Leo just brushed me off and turned to Sensei, deliberately keeping his gaze riveted to the floor. "Donnie went after Raph."

Splinter let out a slow exhale and closed his eyes as he rested both hands on his stick. "Donatello will not be able to stop him."

My eye-ridges furrowed. _Don? Why would he want to stop Raph from meeting with Casey and April?_

Leo nodded and finally met Master Splinter's gaze. "I know Father. That's why I let him go."

 _Huh?! What the shell is going on here?_ I glanced back and forth from my older sibling to Master Splinter, completely lost. But one thing was certain. _They're hiding something from me._ My eyes narrowed. _But the question is: what?_

"Hmmm…" Sensei murmured as he stroked his beard thoughtfully.

"Stop who from the what now?" I asked, confused. Both Leo and Master Splinter tensed and stayed silent. About a minute of absolute silence passed and I was slowly loosing my ability to stay upbeat. "Why would Donnie want to stop Raph from going to meet April and Casey?" I voiced.

Again, my older sibling and my sensei refused to answer. It wasn't until Leonardo actually made eye-contact with me that I realized: _Raph's not going to April and Casey's._ "Where's Raph?" I asked, my voice dangerously level. Leo seemed shocked by the sudden hostility of my tone, but I ignored his shock and pressed on. "Where's Raph?" I repeated more insistently.

A weak, trembling voice from the doorway answered, "Raphael is gone."

My eyes widened and I whirled around to find Donatello in the doorway. I gasped. Donnie looked horrible. My smart brother, like Leo, looked as though he had somehow aged rapidly within the past few minutes. He was clinging to the wall for support. His eyes were red and it seemed to me like he was about to collapse at any moment.

Without even making the conscious decision to move, I suddenly found myself at my immediate older brother's side, hugging him tightly. Donnie clung to me and I realized that he was now depending on me, not the wall, to console him. I could already feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I hated to see my brothers in pain. I couldn't stand it. It was almost as if seeing them hurt hurt me. "Where's Raph?" I repeated for a third time. Only this time I made it clear to my father and to Leo that I wouldn't be taking silence for an answer.

Master Splinter sighed. "I have sent Raphael away for training, my child." He stated evenly.

I felt as though an invisible hand had just dug into my body and squeezed all the life out of my heart. I could practically hear my heart go s _quish_ as the hand strangled it. "W-W-WHAT?! WHY?!" I yelled, frantically turning to my older brothers and pulling on their wrists. "Where is he? We have to find him! We can't just let him go! Not after what happened with Leo! I don't want to lose another brother!" I pleaded desperately, ignoring how childish I sound. Tears began to run down my cheeks and the hand around my heart squeezed even harder as my brothers made no move. _Squish._

The next thing I knew, strong arms wrapped me in a gentle hug. I glanced around just enough to realize that Leonardo was holding me tightly. He put a hand on my shoulder and murmured softly, "But I came back, Mikey. Doesn't that count for something?"

If this were any other situation, yes, I probably would have let it count for something. But Raphie was gone. Anger swelled up from some deep, buried place inside of me and I shoved Leonardo away. "NO!" I exclaimed and now everyone was staring at me in shock. I ignored them and poked my older brother in the plastron the way Raphael often does when they fight. "You were late Leo! You cut off all contact with us! We thought you were dead! We thought you were never coming back! I don't want to go through that again! I—I—" I couldn't hold it in any longer. All the pain, all the doubt, all the anger, it all came rushing out of me. "RAPHIE!" I yelled, somehow wishing, hoping beyond hope, that it would bring my big brother back to me.

* * *

 **Third Person POV**

Leo's heart cried out in distress as he saw all the hurt and anger in his youngest sibling's eyes.

Mikey had never told Leo any of this before. He'd always maintained a happy façade, seemingly rejoicing that Leo was back. Anger. Anger and Anguish. Those emotions did not belong in Mikey's eyes. _Mikey…_

The eldest turtle shot forward and wrapped his arms around his wailing little brother, and despite the orange-masked turtle's attempts to pull away, Leonardo held firm. After almost a minute of struggling, Mikey lost all resistance and immediately began to nuzzle up against his oldest brother's plastron, desperate for comfort and reassurance.

"It's okay. It's gonna be okay. Raph will be fine. He may be a hothead, but he can take care of himself. Everything is going to be alright. I promise."

Mikey pulled away a little and looked up into Leo's eyes as he whimpered, "How are you so sure?"

Leo smiled and pulled Mikey back into the hug. "Because I know Raph. He won't stop fighting until he's back with us again. No matter what."

Mikey sniveled and Leo rubbed his shell comfortingly. Donatello stood a little bit off to side and watched with sad eyes. Leo motioned him to join the hug, but Donnie only looked away. The eldest frowned.

A tear ran down the side of the smart turtle's face. _I'm sorry Leo._ Don thought, his heart still bitter that his older brother hadn't told them Raph was leaving. _I'm not as childish in my thinking as Mikey is. Your empty promises do not comfort me._

Master Splinter stared sadly at each of his children in turn and frowned. He had known it would affect them deeply, but he had never imagined that their outbursts would have been on such a scale. Especially Michelangelo. The old rat had not stopped to consider that the young turtle was still hiding his hurt from Leonardo being gone. He sighed, suddenly filled with regret. _Ay…I should have allowed Raphael more time with his brothers before his departure._

Michelangelo suddenly sniffled and whimpered forlornly, "Why didn't he say goodbye?" Fresh tears spilled down Mikey's cheeks and Leo wrapped a gentle arm of support around the orange masked turtle's shoulders.

Splinter's voice was low and level as he wiped Michelangelo's tears away and consoled the turtles as best he could. "Because that would have been even harder for him, my son. I have no doubt that your brother will miss you as deeply as you miss him. Perhaps even more."

There was a short silence before Leonardo straightened and looked their rat-father in the eyes. "Sensei…where did you send him?"

The old rat raised an eyebrow. "I am surprised he did not tell you."

Leo sighed. "He said that if he did, I'd never let him go."

Splinter stroked his beard and nodded. "Indeed. A wise decision on your brother's part. No doubt had you learned his destination you would be uneasy at best."

All three turtles shifted uncomfortably. Mikey's lip trembled a little as he thought of Raphael being alone, somewhere dark and cold, alone, in danger, and in a place he didn't know.

Don stiffened at his Sensei's words, he didn't like where this was going.

Leo's eyes narrowed. "Where did you send him?" he repeated insistently.

"6738."

Donnie's eyes widened and he stared at his father in shock. _Splinter can't mean…_

"What?" Leo asked.

"Leonardo, when I sent you away you traveled 3615 miles, is that correct?"

Leo was flustered. "Umm…I guess so Sensei."

The old rat frowned and lowered his gaze to the floor. "Your brother must travel 6738 miles."

Amber eyes widened as Leo finally absorbed what his father was telling him. "Raph's traveling almost twice as far as I did."

"Yes, my son. Raphael knew that if he told you his destination the three of you would only be even more concerned and even more reluctant to let him go."

"Where did you send him, Sensei?" Leo asked again, this time, however, his voice was desperate. He needed to know. All of this buildup really wasn't helping. He was afraid. Yes, Leonardo, the Fearless leader was scared. Scared that his immediate younger brother was in danger, far from home. He **needed** to know. He needed to know where Raph was going.

"Japan." A quiet voice answered from off to the side before Sensei could even open his mouth.

Splinter turned to the smartest of his sons with a soft, empathetic glance. It may not have seemed like it to the turtles, but Splinter could tell that Donatello was on the verge of breaking. Donatello had never been one to openly share his emotions, but a Father always knew when something was wrong with his son. Splinter knew. Slowly, the old rat approached his third son and placed a gentle hand on Donatello's shoulder. "Raphael told you this?"

Don shook his head. "No Sensei. I didn't catch him in time." The Brainiac lied. He just couldn't bring himself to tell his brothers that he'd just let Raphael leave. There were so many things he'd wanted to say. So many things he'd **needed** to say. And he hadn't even uttered a single syllable. Not one goddamn word! Oh, how he hated himself right now! Donnie bit back his self-loathing for a few moments and returned his attention to their father.

Sensei frowned.

Leo and Mikey stared with dropped jaws. "S-Sensei, you really sent Raph…all the way to Japan?!" Leo mumbled almost incoherently.

Splinter nodded. "There is a friend of mine there who will oversee your brother's training from now on."

Three sets of eyes widened and Mikey blurted, "But Sensei, how do you know you can be trusted?! What if he hurts Raph? What if he betrays our secret?!"

"CALM Michelangelo!" Their father commanded and Mikey immediately quieted at his father's forceful tone. The old rat exhaled slowly. "You shall simply have to trust that he is my friend, my son." A tense silence fell over the room and finally Master Splinter murmured. "I suggest that the three of you get some rest. Training will resume as usual tomorrow morning."

* * *

 **Leo's POV**

Sensei left, and Mikey and Don trailed out soon after, presumably headed to their rooms. I remained the dojo a few minutes after they'd gone. I couldn't sleep. Not after that.

I unsheathe my katanas and spend a few moments looking down at my reflection in the blades. How many times had I polished them while I was away? I had no recollection. It was a reflex action. Something I did out of habit. But I can remember looking down at my reflection in the blades. I remember looking down at them and thinking about my brothers. I remember how every time I was injured, even when the injuries were minor, all I wanted was to curl up with my brothers. I remember all those sleepless nights I spent wondering what they were doing back home. I remember how much it hurt knowing that I couldn't go back until I'd accomplished my goal. I remember the longing, I remember the cold, I remember the heartbreak.

 _Stay strong little brother. And please…please be careful. We can't afford to lose you. Don't be like me, Raph. Please don't hurt them. I know you'd probably be criticizing me for being a hypocrite, but whatever you do, please stay in touch, and return on schedule. And don't you dare let that hotheaded ignorance of yours get you into trouble! If anything were to happen to you while you're away it would tear this family apart. More than that. Your loss would break my heart._

 _Please Raphael…please…just…Be safe._

* * *

 **How was it? Review Please!**


	3. Toughen Up

**Sorry this took so long. I needed to basically get the entire plotline of this story figured out so that I knew where it was headed. And Now that I do I know that it's going to be awesome!** **J** **So bare with me here, there are a couple of things that might not make sense right now, but will be revealed later.**

 **P.S. Master Adachi is a character of my own creation. Any relation to persons living or dead is purely coincidental and I created him because I didn't want to use Ancient One, because then this would have been basically a version of Leo's time in Japan but substitute Raph, and that isn't what I wanted for this fic. So enjoy!**

* * *

 **Ch. 3-Toughen Up**

 **Raph's POV**

So…remember I said I was in a crate? Yeah, well, still in it.

This so-called 'friend' of Master Splinter's finally came and picked me up. Er…picked the crate up, that is. And right now I'm doing my best to endure a bumpy-as-shell trek up a giant incline. My crate is bouncing around like crazy in what looks like the bed of an old, rusty truck. I can see out through the cracks enough to know that much. I'm dying to get out of here! After that long plane ride, followed by the rough unloading, and now this, I am just about ready to kill something. When I get out I'll probably work some of this pent-up frustration out of my system and then fall right into bed. I couldn't sleep on the plane. It was too dangerous.

The truck hit a large bump and my crate got jostled violently so I let out an angry curse, somewhat hoping that Master Splinter's friend would hear. But I got no reaction.

I went silent once again and eventually ended up listening to the sounds of the road. Occasionally, as we passed small mountain villages, I would hear bits of conversations. Of course, my Japanese is sorely out of practice. I really only the knew the odd word here and there because of the lessons Sensei used to give us when we were younger, so I was never really fluent anyways. I just hope that Sensei's friend speaks English. I don't like speaking Japanese. I always get made fun of because of my accent.

The truck continued up the road, showing little sign of slowing. _Engine sounds like shit._ I thought to myself, but I almost immediately pushed that thought aside as my impatience began to stir. _Geez, just how far is this place? Can't we just go faster and get it over with?!_

Just then, the truck hit another bump and it made the crate impact the side of the truck bed with quite a bit of force. _On second thought, going faster would probably be a bad idea…_

When I was beginning to think about chucking the contents of my stomach, the truck ground to a jolting halt. I heard a door open and the sound of footsteps. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared expectantly up at the roof of the crate, but sensed no movement.

"You may emerge whenever you wish. I assure you, we are quite alone here. No one will see you." A deep, powerful voice advised.

My eyes narrowed. "You could help speed up the process, by oh, I don't know, maybe actually opening the crate!" I retorted, honestly too tired of being cooped up to feel anything but frustration and ire.

A low chuckle was my only response until a few long seconds later the voice said, "I see no reason to bother. You are more than equipped to do so yourself."

 _Alright, this guy's just asking for it!_ I growled and drew my sais from my belt, wedging them forcefully into the gap between the crate and the lid and pushing down to try and pop the top open. It took a couple of tries, but I finally succeeded and burst out with little further ado.

I don't know what I was expecting exactly, but this was pretty far from it. I mean…I guess I just assumed that any friend of Sensei's who was going to help train me would be older. I hate to be stereotypical, but I really was expecting a shriveled old Japanese Master who would vow to teach me the 'ancient' ways. But…this guy is exactly the opposite. He's tall, like, a head taller than me. He has long, black hair pulled together at the back and he's not old. Well, he's old compared to me, but he's not as old as Master Splinter.

Another rumbling chuckle made me pull out of my thoughts and I crossed my arms over my plastron, still standing in the crate, which was indeed on the back of a rusty old truck.

"I take it you are surprised?" He asked with a slight smile on his face. "I suppose Splinter-san did not tell you what to expect. He has told me much of you, Raphael. Come down here where I can get a better look at you."

I hesitated, but eventually climbed out of the crate and jumped down off the truck. The next thing I knew Splinter's friend was making his way around me slowly, as though he were sizing me up. I growled a little and he grinned.

"Very defensive, aren't you?"

My lip curled upward into a snarl. "When you grow up looking like I do it becomes instinct."

"I'm sure." He replied. Then he turned on his heels and proceeded down a dirt path that appeared to lead even further up the mountain. "Follow me."

I reluctantly did as told, keeping my fingers around my sais, just in case he tried anything funny.

We just walked in silence. We walked for nearly ten minutes in silence before I finally asked. "Where the shell are we headed?"

"We will proceed up the mountain until we reach the Sanctuary where I live and train."

"Okay. And how long will that take?" I asked, rolling my eyes. The guy just chuckled again. _That is seriously starting to get on my nerves._

There was another long period of silence until I finally broke it again. "Master Splinter didn't say anything about what I'm supposed to call you." I remarked gruffly.

The man stopped and turned around to face me. "I am Master Adachi. You may also call me Sensei, if you wish."

I raised an eye-ridge. "Adachi? As in the ancient Samurai clan?"

Master Adachi turned to me with a thoughtful stare. "My lineage can be traced back directly. I am surprised that you know of such things."

I scoffed and lowered my gaze as he searched my face. "I respect the ancient history."

"Indeed." He replied.

"So…what's a descendent of an ancient samurai clan doing practicing ninjitsu?"

"I respect my family history, but I desired to pave my own path." He muttered.

I stopped short, but Master Adachi went forward as we reached a huge gate. _Man, when he said Sanctuary he wasn't kidding._ This structure was ancient. After entering the gate I glanced around. The wall was tall and thick, which meant that it would be secure and we would not have to fear any intruders or passers by. The building on the other end of the open courtyard was huge. At one time there was probably a garden or something here, but whatever traces might have remained are long gone. A long groan made me whip around to find Master Adachi closing the thick wooden gates and locking them.

He moved to stand in front of me and bowed. _"Our training begins now."_ He stated in Japanese. _"Hajime!_ "

Master Adachi flew at me so fast that I barely had time to whip my sais out of my belt and block. "What? Seriously?! I just got off a fourteen hour plane ride and you expect me to fight you?!"

"Of course. Here the day has just begun. We have much ahead of us. You will not sleep until after you have trained. And from now on I expect you to address me in Japanese."

"Only one problem with that." I growled breathlessly as I pressed the attack, my opponent deflecting it easily. While our weapons were locked close together I murmured. "I don't speak Japanese."

"Then I suppose that will have to be a focus of your training. Besides your obvious need for anger management."

I snarled and lunged at him. _I'm gonna make him pay for that comment!_

I hate to admit it, but this guy is good. And he is definitely not going easy on me. He's using my plastron as his personal punching bag. I can taste blood in my mouth. Every counter, every block, everything I try he shuts me down and pays me back with body punches.

After a particularly hard punch to the stomach, I collapsed, only to have him kick me while I was down! "What the shell is your problem?!" I yelled immediately ignoring the pain and jumping away from his next kick. "Somehow, I didn't expect one of my Sensei's friends to try and kill me!"

His eyes narrowed as he stated sternly, "I will continue attacking until you are able to counter! The best way to become master of the mind is to learn how to ignore the pain of the body."

Adachi lunged for me again and I dodged. I went on the offensive and tried to strike him, but he struck me in the stomach once again and I spit up blood. I wiped the blood away from my mouth with the back of my hand and my eyes narrowed.

 _Alright. No more Mr. Nice Turtle!_ I growled and charged him, he reached out to strike, but I dodged at the last second and kicked him in the chest, sending him flying backwards where he fell right on his butt.

I smirked briefly with victory before my injuries caught up with me. I doubled over slightly and wrapped a weak arm around my middle. Blood dripped from my mouth down to my chin and then to the sandy ground where it made a dark, red stain.

Master Adachi raised an eye-ridge as he watched the blood drip down my chin and onto the ground. _Geez, you'd think he'd never seen blood before._ Then he frowned and said in the same, deep, commanding tone. "Come with me."

"What happened to 'the day has just begun'?" I asked mockingly.

He loomed over me and glared. If that doofus thinks that is going to intimidate me, he's got another thing coming. "Address me with respect, Kame, and I shall do the same. Address me with disdain, and most of our training sessions will end like this." He punched me once more in the gut. I wanted to scream it hurt so bad, but I bit my lip and held his gaze. Then, as soon as the dark, threatening mood had crossed Adachi's face, it vanished. He grinned. "Besides, I would rather not kill you just yet."

'Just yet?' What the shell? Is that supposed to be a joke or something? Cause if it is, it ain't funny!

He ignored my shocked expression and turned away. "Follow me. We shall tend to your injuries."

I growled. "Just show me where you keep the supplies. I'll tend them myself."

Adachi stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm."

"What?!" I asked bitingly and his eyes narrowed at my tone.

"You are very much as your father described you."

We walked in silence for a few moments before my curiosity got the better of me. "What…erherm…what did Sensei say about me?"

The corner of his lip curved upward into a grin in the same way that Master Splinter's does when he is pleased by something. "You are curious. That is always a good quality. But to answer your question, your father said you are hotheaded, impetuous, and have a raging temper. And quite defiant when you wish to be." Adachi turned to look at me and I struggled not to squirm under his golden glare. _Huh. His eyes are kinda like mine_. "What Splinter-san failed to mention was that you had such great potential. Then again, if you did not, he would not have sent you to me." We reached a room lit by the bright sunlight with a bench and a cabinet. "Have a seat." Master Adachi commanded.

I hesitated, but eventually did as he said. I cringed as I reached a sitting position and my aching midsection burned with pain. "Urgh. You always run your students into the ground this hard?"

He grinned again. "Only the ones who are strong enough to take it. You will get used it. This ointment will help dull the pain." Adachi instructed, handing me a bottle with a screw lid. I noticed that his eyes were focused on my arm and I glanced down. _Oh yeah. I got that cut earlier when I was getting into the crate._ That stray nail really took a bit out of me. I shuddered as ice-cold fingers grabbed my upper arm and gently examined it. "This cut should have been tended hours ago."

I rolled my eyes. "I forgot about it. It's just a scratch."

Adachi shook his head. "A scratch from a nail carries danger of infection. Please, allow me to—"

"How did you know that?" I asked, suddenly very on edge.

He raised an eyebrow.

"How did you know it was from a nail?" I asked, now glaring suspiciously at him.

My new 'Master' didn't answer. Instead he just grabbed a bottle of disinfectant and began to gently swab the cut. I watched his every move, still warily withholding my trust. He insisted on wrapping my arm and my midsection despite my protests and I when I was finally finished, he showed me to my room and told me to get some sleep.

So now…here I am. Thousands of miles from home with some creepy Japanese dude who tried to kill me the first day we met. _Oh boy. This is gonna be rough._ My arm aches.

I can't believe I'm actually thinking this, but I wish Mikey was here. Or maybe Donnie. Shell, I wouldn't care if it was the Fearless Leo himself! It's just… _weird_ being alone. I've lived with my brothers all my life. Being somewhere without 'em makes me feel really strange.

It kinda reminds me of the time when Sensei finally moved us into separate rooms. I'd never been so scared in all my life. I thought that monsters were going to come and eat all of my brothers and I wouldn't be able to protect them because I wouldn't know there was danger. Luckily for me, a sniveling Mikey had run in and pounced on my bed, begging me to let him stay the night. I had hesitated, to keep up appearances of course, but I could never really deny Mikey anything when he was upset.

 _Hmmm…I wonder how they're doing…_ I thought with a yawn as I drifted into tumultuous slumber.

* * *

 **Master Splinter's POV**

I sat in the dojo, deep in meditation. The turtles have not been themselves since their brother left. I am deeply concerned of course, but at the moment, I am slightly more concerned about Raphael. I have not yet received word, through my meditation, that my son is safe at Adachi's Sanctuary.

Suddenly, I feel a consciousness reach out and touch mine from very far away and I let out a sigh of relief.

 _Adachi…How is my son?_ I asked with my thoughts.

 _*He is well, Splinter-san. He is now asleep. I was surprised, my friend, that you failed to inform me of your child's fantastic potential.*_

I raised an eyebrow. _I do not know what you mean, my friend. Raphael has the same amount of potential as his brothers._

 _*I think not. The sacred stone calls to him as it does to me. He simply does not hear it yet.*_

My eyes opened and widened significantly before I shut them and did my best to retain my focus. _You…you must be imagining it, my friend. Raphael is nowhere near powerful enough to have garnered the attention of the sacred stone._

 _*You underestimate your son, my friend. If the stone calls to him, then he must be instructed in the—*_

 _No!_ I yelled through my minds' eye, my thoughts tinged with a mixture of anger and fear. _I sent my son to you so that you might teach him to control his anger! You will not go beyond those boundaries, Adachi!_

 _*You do realize that you are only delaying the inevitable? Eventually the stone will speak to your son, and be heard. He has been chosen, Splinter-san. His life is now in the hands of the ancient ones.*_

* * *

 **So? How was it?**


	4. Rule Breaker

**Okay, so this chapter is short, but I needed to get it out there and I had to end it on a semi-cliff-hanger, so that's why it is short. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Ch. 4-Rule Breaker**

 **Leo's POV**

It's so quiet without Raphael. And it has really started to bother me. I stare a the red numbers beaming out at me from the dark corner of the main room where the clock stands. It's only eight o'clock. On any normal day, we'd be in here together…the _four_ of us would be here together. In all honesty, I think that Donnie and Mikey are coping by avoiding all the things we used to do together. We haven't trained in two days. They haven't had any motivation to, and I thought a break was in order. But tomorrow we begin training again. I expect nothing less. True, Raphael is gone, but I refuse to allow my brothers to fall into a complete state of decay as they did when I was gone. Then again, Raph had kept in shape, even gained some muscle during his days as Nightwatcher.

An entire week has passed. I was really hoping that we'd have heard from Raphael by now. But so far…nothing. Sensei insists that Raphael is fine, but it seems to me like something's bothering him. I've tried asking him, but he just insists that it is nothing. I must admit that the fact Raph hasn't sent any letters or anything yet is bothering me, but I didn't send any during my first few weeks in South America. I really hope that Raphael will be better at writing than I was. Then again…he hadn't sent me any letters while I was away…I just hope he realizes how hard it is for the three of us without him.

But Raphael and Sensei aren't the only ones being difficult when it comes to communicating. Donatello has barely spoken since Raph left. Mikey hangs around the purple-masked turtle constantly. Oddly enough, they've really pulled away from me. I didn't fully understand it until I really watched Mikey making breakfast this morning. As I watched my youngest sibling move lethargically around the kitchen, I realized that Mikey and Don had fallen back into the daily cycle of existence they had adapted while I was away. I was horrified by how easily they reverted to that hauntingly empty lifestyle. I can't let this go on. I can't stand seeing them hurt like this.

"Donnie!" I yelled, unable to bear staring at the clock any longer.

There was a long pause before my purple-masked sibling appeared at the door of the lab. He stared silently at me, his face creased by a deep frown. About thirty seconds passes as we gave each other a quick once-over. While I noted his bloodshot eyes and bowed shoulders, he was probably examining my unusual posture and pale skin. I'm fairly certain that he can see the worry in my eyes.

I shook those thoughts aside and frowned sternly at him. "Get Mikey and the two of you get your gear. We're going out."

* * *

 **Raph's POV**

I looked up at the sound of footsteps approaching my room. As Master Adachi burst into the room and rushed over to the bed I jumped up. Just in time too. He dropped about twenty books down on the bed, holding on to three smaller ones clutched in his right hand. "What's all this?"

"They are called books." He replied patronizingly. "A thick, leather or cardboard binding with loosely attached pages made of—"

"I know what books are. What the shell are they doin' in my room?" I asked, my temper flaring. I'd already had enough of his attitude in training this morning as he criticized everything I did. So excuse me if I'm not feeling particularly sociable!

"They are here to read and written in. These are journals." He held out the three books in his right hand. "In this one," he pointed to the black one, "you will write all your physical progress from day to day. In this one," he pointed to the green one, "you will write all your emotions, in order to strengthen the spirit. And in this one you will write a comprehensive journal of whatever you feel like writing about."

I raised an eye-ridge suspiciously. "That doesn't sound too bad. What's the catch?"

Adachi smiled. Ha! I knew there was a catch! "The entirety of the first two journals must be written in Japanese. These other books are the necessary materials you will require. And I will collect and read your daily journals at the start of each training session. Good luck."

That was on my second day, almost a full week ago. Over the past week alone my Japanese has improved drastically. Which would make sense considering I'm now being forced to read, write, and speak it with a native speaker.

I still don't know what to think of this Master Adachi guy. He can be real creepy when he wants to be. One day I saw him literally levitating in the dojo. That was weird. And he keeps muttering things about some stone or something. I really don't know what to think of that. Not only that, but his training is really rough. Training begins at four in the morning and goes until eight. Then I'm expected to meditate for two hours. Then I have to write my journal entries for the following day. After that it's all independent training. Sometimes I train, sometimes I work on my Japanese. Most of the time I tend whatever injuries I received in training and then just try to rest up for the next day.

But, what can I say? I love a bit of mischief. So now, here I am. Being a rule breaker once again. Master Adachi told me that this room was off-limits and I really want to know why. Here I am, at the door, slowly pushing it open and…

 _Whoa. It's like some kind of shrine._ Statues of faces line the circumference of the round room. Seven in total, but one lacked features. Then something off to the side started glowing and I turned towards it. It was a little, amber-colored stone. Probably about five centimetres tall and three wide and it was literally glowing. The stone seemed to be set in the head of a statue and the longer I stared at it the faster it dawned on me: Adachi, it was a statue of Master Adachi. Slowly I reached out and touched the stone with one finger. The next thing I knew, I was being thrown across the room and into the wall, where I slid into a deep state of unconsciousness.

* * *

Six-thousand, seven-hundred and thirty-eight miles away, deep in the heart of New York City, an old rat's eyes widened and he fell to the floor. "Raphael!"

* * *

 **Review Please! How was it? What do you think has happened to Raphael?**


	5. Part of Him

**Another short chapter. Sorry. Enjoy! This chapter is basically all brotherly bonding overshadowed with worry for their brother's safety.**

* * *

 **Ch. 5-Part of him**

 **Don's POV**

I glared suspiciously at the back of my older brother's shell. _What the shell does Leo think he's doing?_ I growled lightly. _I don't like this. Our team isn't any more complete with Raph out of the country as it was when Leo was gone._ "What's all this about, Leo?" I asked as we ground to a halt on the roof of a tall building overlooking the city.

Leo didn't answer. He hummed and began to survey the nearby rooftops. In a flippant bout of anger, I removed my bo staff and whacked our 'Fearless leader' over the head. "What the shell, Donnie?!"

"I asked you a goddamn question Leonardo and I expect you to answer it!"

"Whoa, D, calm down!"

My eyes narrowed, but I did as Michelangelo asked. To be honest, I couldn't bring myself to be mad at him. There was nothing to be mad at him for. The first few days after my immediate older brother's departure, I directed my anger at Raphael. But then something else began to anger me. Leonardo acted as though absolutely nothing had changed. When Leo left, Raph was as deeply affected as the rest of us. So far, Leo hasn't shown nearly the amount of remorse as Mikey and Myself. I just can't believe that he, the one who fights Raph the most, the one who depended on Raph's strength and devotion to keep his team together, couldn't even bring himself to act like he was as affected as we were.

 _No. I'm being unfair. It isn't Leo's fault that Raph's gone. It isn't his fault that he doesn't realize how much this hurts us. He doesn't realize the amount of pain and heartbreak this will cause. He doesn't know because he wasn't here. Leo will never know because he wasn't here. Leo will never know how much we missed him, not truly. He'll never know how hard it was. He'll never understand. Just like Raph always said._

Raph…I wonder how he's doing. In all likelihood, he's struggling to adjust. But just like Leo will never understand our plight, Mikey and I have no way of knowing what it's like to be alone, thousands of miles from home. At least…not unless Sensei decides to send us off someday. There's no way of knowing whether he will or not. Personally, I hope he never does. During Leo's absence, Mikey and I were pulled much closer together since Raph withdrew to his own little 'Nightwatcher' sphere.

If I were to get sent away…Mikey would be devastated. I send the turtle in question a sideways glance. His eyes are red, and his head is held high, but it's obvious that he's struggling to keep a smile plastered on his face.

I can feel the corners of my mouth pulling down into a frown. _Mikey and Raph have always had a very special relationship. Mikey brings out the soft side in our hotheaded brother. Raph never really meant to hurt him and he would sulk around for days if he thought he had. But, I don't think even Mikey realized how strong a bond Raph and I have. I know that I'm hard on his sometimes, but I love my immediate older sibling. Raphael has always been there for me. He was my protector. My brave big brother. Let is suffice to say that Michelangelo isn't the only one who sees Raphael as his hero. Raph has always been my hero. Ever since we were seven years old…_

"Donnie! Earth to Donnie! You okay?" Leo asked, waving a hand in front of my face.

I glowered and muttered, "I'm fine, Leo," as I pushed past him.

He frowned and threw his hands up in surrender. "Alright Don, I give. What did I do?"

"You lied to us, Leo! You knew and you didn't say anything!"

His blue eyes steeled over and he frowned. "It wasn't my place to."

"Fuck you Leo." Both of my brothers stared at me in shock. Mikey reached towards me, but I jerked away. "You don't understand. You'll never understand. After what happened with your trip, Mikey, Raph and I were deeply scarred. Those scars didn't fade, Leo. They've been ripped open again. You cannot begin to understand."

I was startled by a forest-green hand resting gently on my shoulder.

"I can try." He murmured softly.

I shook my head vehemently from side to side.

Leo sighed and moved away with an unreadable expression on his face. The next thing I knew two, thin arms wrapped around my shell and pulled me into a tight hug. My eyes stared straight over Mikey's shoulder to where Leo stood with his carapace to us.

"You aren't the only one who experienced hardship." He stated. Then his voice dropped to a mere whisper as he confessed, "There were moments where I wanted nothing more than to give up and return home."

I couldn't help but glare at him as I returned Mikey's hug. "So why didn't you?" I retorted, unable to retain the tint of bitterness from my voice.

"Because I was afraid."

My eyes softened a little as I finally let go of Michelangelo and we both turned to face our older sibling. "What **really** happened out there Leo?"

He sighed and turned away to stare at the bright cityscape of our home. "This isn't the time or place. Come on."

* * *

 **Mikey's POV**

I glanced nervously from Donnie to Leonardo's carapace.

"This isn't the time or place. Come on." He ordered over his shoulder. We watched him jump to a roof below.

I sighed. _It never is. I'm beginning to wonder whether or not Leo will ever tell the truth about his time in the jungle…_ I motioned Don to go first and he jumped after Leo.

I took a brief moment to look out at the city. The city Raphael loved so much. The people in it that he would gladly give his life for.

 _I wonder how he's doing…I miss him. I know he probably doesn't realize it, but Raphael has always been a very important friend to me. Where are you Raphie? What have you gotten yourself into?_

* * *

 **Leo's POV**

I looked behind me and realized that I was one brother short. I jumped back up to the roof we were just on, slightly concerned. "Mikey?" I asked softly. I could feel Don jump to the roof not long after me, radiating a similar level of concern. He turned to me with a very somber expression on his normally happy face.

"Do you ever wonder why?"

I raised a confused eye-ridge. "Why what?"

"Why Raph loves it so much. This city, I mean. It's our home and we love it, but he's different. It's a part of Raph. He's native. He has the accent. He cares more about the people of this city than his own life. Why?"

I was silent. I'd never thought about it that way before. Huh. I wonder why he loves it so much…

To our very great surprise, Don was the one who answered. "His heart is too big." I turned to the purple-masked turtle with curiosity. "He cares too much. Like you said Mikey, this city is part of him. And the people he protects are part of his 'family'. He'd do anything to keep them safe. Just like he would for us."

I'm glad I took them topside. We all ended up releasing some pent-up emotions. So I'm pleased. But…Donatello is still acting out. I have a feeling that there's more to it than what he said earlier. But that is a discussion for another time right now we need to get back to the lair. I want to tell Sensei about what was said tonight so that he can advise me as to how I should proceed from here.

But as soon as we got back…I **knew** something was wrong. I frowned and threw out my arms to hold my brothers back. "Hold it. Something's wrong." I drew my katana and a low groan made us rush to the dojo. I threw open the sliding door. We all rushed in as we saw Father standing, frozen, with his eyes wide and his hand on his chest. The next thing we knew he had collapsed on the floor exclaiming, "Raphael!"

I sheathed my swords and dropped to his side, my brothers following suit. "Sensei!" We all yelled. Master Splinter stared at us blankly as though he didn't realize we were there. I grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him gently. "Sensei?!"

The blank look on his face remained in place as he muttered, "Oh Raphael, what have you done?!"

My brothers and I exchanged horrified glances. "What's going on, Sensei? Has something happened to Raph?" I asked.

Sensei didn't respond, but the blank look on his face was soon replaced by one of horror, only to be quickly followed by an expression of apathy. "Leave me, my sons. I must meditate."

All three of us bristled. Before I could say anything, however, Donatello beat me to it. "Not until you tell us what's going on! What happened to Raph?!"

Sensei sighed. "Your brother has…I'm sorry my sons. But I'm afraid I can tell you nothing more at this time. I **must** meditate."

* * *

 **Master Splinter's POV**

 _Raphael, what have you done?_ I thought briefly before plunging into a deeply meditative state.

 _Adachi, answer me! What has happened to my son?!_

 _*I told you it was only a matter of time, my friend. The stone has called him. He dared to touch it. Without the proper teachings, it has backfired.*_

 _Will he live?_

 _*That is for the spirits to decide.*_

* * *

 **Well? How was it? Review Please!**


	6. Protector

**This chapter is a little bit of an interlude, but I thought it was needed. If you recall in chapter…something…Don mentions that Raphael has always been his protector. Ever since they were seven. Here we get to see what he meant.**

* * *

 **Ch. 6-Protector**

 _What's going on?...I'm so—I'm so cold…I can't—I can't think straight. I can't…My brothers…I see their faces…_

Sweat is dripping down my forehead. _But if I'm cold…why am I sweating? What's going on? It feels like a heavy fog has settled over my mind_. I toss and turn, but I can't escape… _It's like I'm going in and out between this world and the world of my subconscious._

 _Donnie! Donnie don't!_

Whose voice was that? Was that **my** voice?

 _DONNIE NO!_ Crash.

What am I hearing?

The fog cleared a little and I could finally see what was going on. I—I remember this!

We were seven years old…Donnie…Donnie had wanted to go scout the sewers. At that age, we were allowed to go out as long as we went in pairs. After a little convincing, Donatello somehow managed to get me to agree to going with him. We were doing fine, until we reached the edge of what Master Splinter had dubbed 'the safe zone'. We weren't allowed to go any further than that and I turned around and began to head back. But a small, delicate hand on my shoulder held me back.

"Please Raph, just a little bit farther!"

I remember shaking my head. "No way, Donnie. Master Splinter says…" I stopped short and stared at his pleading eyes. I found myself unable to say no. But I was still reluctant. Master Splinter had already given me a time-out today for roughhousing with Mikey. I wasn't eager to earn another punishment. My eyes narrowed and I raised an eye-ridge at him. "You better not say anything to Master Splinter."

He beamed at me and I remember that it made me want to grin.

"Thanks Raphie!" He crowed, latching onto my plastron in a very cuddly hug. Donnie always was a cuddler. _Donnie hasn't hugged me like that in a long time…_

My mind fogged out a little and something cold brushed across my forehead and made me shiver violently. And within seconds I suddenly found myself sucked back into the abyss, where the memory once again began dancing before my eyes.

It shouldn't have been able to happen. Those wires shouldn't have been there. There was no reason for them to be. I still don't fully know why they were and I can't bring myself to care.

Donnie dragged me deeper and deeper into the dark tunnels of the sewers where large piles of debris had collected. He chuckled in delight as he found some parts that would be useful to him for something-or-other. I watched with a small smile as my immediate younger brother run about from pile to pile, pulling everything and anything he found interesting. Then a strange crackling sound made me look up. Wires? I raised an eye-ridge. Why were their live wires down here? My eyes narrowed suspiciously as it crackled once more. It was dangling dangerously from the top of the pipe above us. I remember the horror that struck me as I realized it was about to break. Donnie was moving to the area right below it.

"Donnie! Donnie, don't!"

He was focused on something up high in a pile of debris. He probably just assumed I was worried about him going too high. "Hold on Raph, I've almost got it…"

SNAP! Whatever was holding the wire up broke and it came down fast, straight towards my younger brother.

"DONNIE NO!" I shoved him out of the way, but not in time to save myself. "AH!" All I felt was pain. I remember feeling my muscles twitch out of my control. My eyes closed and I fell. The last things I remember hearing were Donatello's screams.

* * *

 **Don's POV**

I don't know what to do. I can't stop pacing up and down my lab. And when I finally began to feel like I couldn't even do that alone I began pacing up and down the main room where I am currently driving my brothers nuts. But I can't stop. I can't stop.

I haven't felt this helpless since I was seven…when Raph…

That whole incident was what inspired me to become the family medic. Because I couldn't stand the tension of following Sensei around, watching what he was doing and being unable to comprehend or help.

I was completely devastated. Raphael had gotten hurt because I didn't listen to Sensei's rules. I made him go farther than we were supposed to. He didn't want to, but I forced him. And he got hurt…

I can still remember the way his scream of pain echoed through those tunnels as that live wire struck him. I can't help but shudder at the memory.

"Donnie! Donnie don't!"

"Hold on Raph, I've almost got it!"

"DONNIE NO!"

I clench my eyes shut as tears run down my cheeks.

Raph almost died that day. Fortunately for us, we'd been gone longer than usual and Sensei had been out looking for us. He heard Raphael's scream with those sensitive ears of his and came running. "Raphael! RAPHAEL!" He cried as he ran over to us. He carefully avoided making contact with the live wire as he scooped my red-masked brother up into his arms and felt for a pulse. His eyes widened. "No!"

Now, I realize that the shock had stopped Raph's heart. Back then, I had no idea what was going on.

I watched Sensei immediately begin pumping Raphael's chest frantically. There were tears in his eyes.

"Please no! Please do not take my child from me!" He murmured under his breath even as I watched.

After a few pumps he checked Raph's breathing and there was no response. Finally, on his third try, Raph was breathing again. Sensei sighed in relief with tears in his eyes and pulled Raphael close to his chest. "Oh, Raphael…my child…my little child." Then he looked at me, as though realizing I was there for the first time. "Come Donatello. We must get your brother home."

On our way back to the lair we moved quickly. When we got inside Leo and Mikey immediately looked up, and as soon as they saw Raphael tucked gently in Sensei's arms, his arms sporting several bad burns and his neon green orbs closed, they immediately sprang up and ran over to us.

"Raphie?!" Mikey asked, as though he was expecting an answer. When there was none, our baby brother's eyes began to water.

"What happened?" Leo asked.

Master Splinter sent me a short sideways glance and frowned. "I do not know, my son. But I suggest you be very thankful that Raphael will be alright. We came very close to losing him today."

I can still remember the way Leo's eyes filled with horror at the prospect. He'd been so much more expressive back then.

I followed Sensei as he carried Raph into the dojo and my other brothers were close behind.

"Donatello, please tell me what happened." He commanded softly.

Tears came to my eyes. "I—I—and he—we—"

He lay Raphael down on the tatami mats and immediately began tending the red-masked turtle's burns. "Breathe, my child, and please just tell me what happened."

"I—I asked Raph to come with me cause I wanted to get some stuff for my invention."

Splinter nodded. "Go on."

"Well…we went to the edge of the safe zone and…and…" I lowered my voice. "I begged him to let me go just a little further. He didn't want to, but I begged him and…"

Splinter lowered his eyes. "Hm. I see."

"I found these really great piles and I was getting stuff. And Raphie started yelling at me to stop, but I—I—didn't listen. And he shoved me out of the way and then…" I couldn't take my eyes off of Raphael's motionless form. I jumped forward and hugged him gently. "I'm so sorry Raphie." I murmured softly as tears ran freely down my cheeks.

I felt so helpless. I couldn't do anything to ease my older brother's pain. And it was all my fault. I was so worried.

I feel the same way right now. And Sensei won't even tell us what's going on.

 _Oh Raphie…What's going on? Hmm…I wonder…_

I drop into a lotus position and close my eyes. I can feel my brothers turning and staring at me curiously. I ignore them. But then Leo just has to go and ask.

"Donnie…What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to reach Raph's mind." I answered flatly as I opened my eyes just enough to glare at them.

He immediately came over and folded into position beside me. I raised an eye-ridge. "It'll be stronger if we all do it together." He answered with sad smile.

I stared at him in shock for a few moments before nodding. Mikey grinned and joined us. We sat in a triangle and all concentrated on our brother.

"Raphael…" Leo murmured.

Suddenly we were overwhelmed by a swirl of emotions and images.

 _*Donnie! Donnie don't!*_

 _No…it can't be…Raph is thinking of_ _ **that**_ _day?_

 _*DONNIE NO!*_

All of a sudden pain exploded across our senses, shocking us and throwing our focus. We opened our eyes to the lair around us and exchanged horrified glances. I pressed a hand to my plastron as I struggled to calm my frantically beating heart.

"What was that?" Mikey asked.

Leo and I were silent. There was no real answer to that. Except…

"Raph's in pain." I said evenly, trying to conceal my concern.

My eldest sibling put a hand on my shoulder with a very solemn expression on his face. He stood and walked straight to the dojo. His hand knocked loudly on the door.

"Come in." Sensei's voice called from within.

Leonardo's posture was strong, firm and absolutely rock hard. He walked in and left the door open so that we could see and hear what was transpiring. I suddenly realized that he wasn't going to take 'not now' for an answer. Our brother was in trouble. Our brother was in pain. And Leo was going to find out why.

"Sensei." He said evenly, and Splinter glanced up at him.

The old rat was sitting on the floor in a meditative position, as we had been mere minutes ago. He straightened at Leo's expression and frowned. He let out a long, slow breath. "You have made contact with your brother, then."

Dark blue eyes narrowed. "Hai, Sensei."

Splinter sighed.

"He's in pain, Father." The rat's eyes brightened at Leo's use of the term father and his shoulders drooped.

"Leonardo…" He began softly.

"The truth, Father. What's wrong with him?"

Splinter shook his head. "I'm sorry, my child. But even I do not know how to fully answer that question. He has touched something he should not have. That is all that I am allowed to tell you."

"Will he be alright?" Leo demanded.

Our father lowered his gaze. "Adachi assures me that he will be fine. He has fought through the worst of it."

There was something in Sensei's tone, though, that said otherwise.

"But?" I asked, calling our father out on his hesitation.

He sighed again. "I fear that what Raphael has done will change your lives forever."

* * *

 **Well, how was it? Review Please! What was your favorite part?**


	7. Chosen One

**Hahaha! I didn't expect you guys to call me out on the green eyes thing! But you did, and I'm impressed. And yes, it was intended. Don't worryyou're your questions will all come be answered in this chapter!**

* * *

 **Ch. 7-Chosen One**

I was jerked from my sleep by a sudden burst of energy from the stone. It was the most powerful burst I had felt from it in a while. My eyes snapped open and I ran to the shrine, prepared to kill whatever intruder had dare to touch the stone, assuming he wasn't dead already. But it wasn't an intruder. _Raphael! I told him_ _ **not**_ _to come in here._ I rolled my eyes. _Teenagers. Assuming Splinter-san felt his son's jolt of pain he'll probably be contacting me any minute—_

 _*Adachi, answer me! What has happened to my son?!*_

 _now._ I finished my thought. I gathered the teenage turtle into my arms and sighed as I realized that he already had a fever.

 _I told you it was only a matter of time, my friend. The stone has called him. He dared to touch it. Without the proper training it has backfired._

 _*Will he live?*_

I frowned down at the strong green form writhing on the floor where I had laid him down. Undoubtedly the stone sensed the proximity of the chosen one and sent a jolt of its power and energy straight into him. But it has never hit anyone with that large of a charge before. Could it be that his ability to wield it will be even greater than mine? Unfortunately for Raphael since he doesn't know how to control the stone and conduct the impulses, he will have to fight through it himself.

 _That is for the spirits to decide._ I told Splinter. I could feel how concerned he was, but there was nothing I could say to him. I, too, was concerned.

After my last student, I had sworn that I would not allow myself to get too close to any future students. But I must admit, Raphael is slowly working his way past my walls of impartiality. He reminds me of myself at that age, and despite my greatest efforts, I am already treating him as my own child, rather than a student.

I kept a constant vigil over the teenager that night. He was delirious for the most part. His forehead was covered in a thin layer of sweat as he twisted violent. He whimpered in pain. He must eventually work off all that excess energy the stone charged him with. I placed a hand on his forehead and closed my eyes. I was suddenly sucked into his thoughts. Images from his childhood. His brothers…In this moment of weakness on his part, I am able to feel how much he misses them. I can see their faces. I can feel his love for them.

 _Donnie! Donnie don't!_

I watched the scene unfold and my stomach tightened. When Raphael was struck by the live wire, I realized why my friend Splinter had not wanted this to happen. Raphael needed his brothers as much as they needed him.

But Raphael's life is now linked to the stone, just as mine is. Should anything happen to the stone, if it were destroyed, both of us would die. I have no choice but to train him now. _I'm so sorry Splinter-san. I know that this will change your son dramatically_. But without the training, the stone will continue transmitting energy to him that he does not know how to release and the excess power could kill him.

I sighed. Raphael has managed to get past the danger. I cannot help but swell with pride. He truly is the chosen one. Even without training, he has managed to dispel most of excess energy. For one so young, he is incredibly strong.

* * *

About a day later, he finally awakened. "Ugh…my head…"

I knelt by his bedside and shoved a cup of tea into his hands as he sat up. "You have delirious for a day and a half. How do you feel?"

"Sore." He grunted.

I put a hand on his forehead and he jerked away. "What the shell 'r you doin'?"

I rolled my eyes and frowned pointedly at him. "I was trying to see if your fever had broken."

An annoyed Hmph was my only reply and when I repeated the action he didn't move away. "Hm. I think you should be alright provided we don't train for the next day or so."

"Why not? You think I can't take it?"

I gave him a pointed glare. "I am much more concerned about your wellbeing at the moment than I am about your training."

He scoffed and I frowned at him. "And you started caring…when?"

My eyes narrowed and I whacked him upside the head.

"What the shell?!"

"I suggest you rest for the next two days. After that we will resume your training."

He sighed and began to sit up. I watched him carefully, just making sure he was alright. Then I caught his eyes and found myself growing curious.

"What are you staring at?" He asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

I smiled at his suspicious nature and asked curiously, "Tell me, what color were your eyes before they changed?"

Raphael's eyes widened in surprise and he floundered for a few moments. "How did you—"

"All those under the influence of the stone exhibit similar traits, particularly gold eyes. What color were they and when did they change?" I asked again.

He answered slowly. "I was ten when they changed. And they were green. Neon green. But between the ages of seven and ten they got darker and turned almost brown before they lightened to this gold color."

I placed a contemplative hand on my chin. "Hmm. I see. That is interesting. My eyes did not change until I turned eighteen. The fact that yours changed earlier could be significant."

He raised an eye-ridge. "Why?"

"The stone does not allow its power to be given to just anyone. It has to be someone very special. As I say, those individuals usually exhibit golden eyes at some point before they are trained. That change should have indicated to your father that there was something very special about you, Raphael. Did he say anything to you on the matter?"

Raphael shrugged. "He told me that they made me unique to my brothers. But then again, the green had made me unique too. Personally I prefer the gold. I didn't like the green. They were too…bright. They glowed."

I smiled at him. "The more contact you have with the stone, the more they will glow."

He rolled his eyes. "Oh good. What's the deal with this stone, anyway?"

I sighed and my smile faded. It was time to tell him the truth. I lowered my gaze. "A long, long time ago there was a ninja master who devoted all of his life to his study of the ancient art. He trained in an old sanctuary in the mountains much like this. And one day, on an excursion to a cave, deep in the heart of the mountain he found it. A stone that shone as pure as gold and radiated a great power. It was not long before he learned how to wield it. He learned that by allowing it's energy to flow through him, he unlocked the secret to limitless power."

He rolled his eyes. "I feel like you're telling me a crappy bedtime story."

I frowned sternly at him. "Raphael. The stone is incredibly powerful. And unfortunately there are those who use its power to destroy the world." His gold eyes flicked up to meet mine and all aspect of kidding or disbelief was gone. Raphael realized how serious this was. "Only a chosen few are taught to wield it. And the stone chooses sparingly. It has chosen you, Raphael. But your father has asked me not to train you in that manner. Obviously he did not realize your potential. But now that you have made contact with the stone, I'm afraid I have no choice but to train you in the basics. You see, if I do not and the stone continues transmitting impulses of its power to you, you will have no way of releasing it and you will get sicker and sicker, until eventually you will expire."

He raised an eye-ridge. "So you have to train me how to use this rock because if I don't know how, I'll die?"

I frowned at his choice of words. "I would not say it precisely in that manner, but yes. That is the gist of it. Your foolishness has come back to bite you."

He went quiet for a few seconds. "So…I could have died?" He asked softly.

I stared at him strictly. His shoulders drooped and he stared at the ground.

"Do they—"

"What do you think?" I asked him rhetorically.

He sighed. "I guess I better meditate and make contact with them before it gets any later."

"Indeed, I believe that would be wise. Your father is most concerned about you." He nodded vaguely and sat up some more. I put a hand on his shoulder. "Do not strain yourself. As concerned as they are I'm sure they can wait until we finish our conversation."

Raphael gave me a look. I fought the urge to chuckle at his look of annoyance.

"Tell me, Raphael, how old do you think I am?"

His eye-ridges furrowed at my unexpected question and he seemed genuinely surprised. He seemed hesitant. "Do I get in trouble if I get it wrong?"

I mock-frowned at him. "That depends on what you say."

Raphael looked even more doubtful after that, but he put on an air of confidence. "Um…well, you're younger than my dad. So um…like 45?"

I smiled widely. Then I turned away from him. "I stopped aging at forty-five, little kame. I am actually a hundred years older than your father."

I let out a long, low chuckle as his jaw dropped in astonishment. Huh. I've spent so many years alone in a deep fog of moroseness, I had almost forgotten what amusement felt like.

Raphael's eyes were wide with shock. "Huh?!" He sputtered.

A grin tilted the corner of my mouth upward. "The stone is very powerful. And its guardians are kept in their peak condition so that they might be able to protect it for a long, long time. It has been eighty years since the stone first chose a successor for me, Raphael."

The teenage turtle frowned at my words. "Well, what happened to him?"

I lowered my gaze. "The stone overestimated him. His heart was not pure enough. But I favored him and was too blind to see it. It was your father's master, Hamato Yoshi, who helped me see that he was banished forever."

"Splinter never told us about that." He murmured.

"He had no reason to and I didn't expect him to." I answered evenly, putting a hand on his shoulder. I lowered my voice. "But now, in an unexpected turn of events, the stone has chosen a new successor."

He frowned and stared up into my eyes. "But…what about my brothers? If the stone has chosen me that means…"

"That you will have to make a choice. Do not worry about that right now, young one. That moment will not be for a while yet. Tomorrow you can write a letter to your brothers and father. I will drive into town and post it for you. Perhaps then, if you feel strong enough you can reach out to them through meditation."

"But I can do it right now—"

I cut him off with a stern glare and placed a gentle hand on his forehead, checking one last time to make sure that his fever had gone down. "Get some sleep, Raphael."

I blew out the candles and made my way to the door, closing it behind me, leaving the young turtle thinking silently in the darkness.

* * *

 **Well, how was it? Review Please!**


	8. Watching

**Sorry this chapter took so long everybody! This story is certainly getting interesting. I kind of had to revisit my plans for this story so that I could make sure that I knew where it was going. Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

 **Ch. 8-Watching**

 **Adachi's POV**

I woke up early the following morning and decided to meditate for a few hours since I had canceled Raphael's training for today. When I finished, it was almost eight in the morning.

Mist had rolled in and shrouded the mountains in a beauteous veil. I admired the tranquility of the scene as I stepped out into the courtyard. Then my eyes caught a print in the sand. Footprints. My eyes narrowed. Fresh footprints. Not only that, but they were mutant footprints. Raphael? What was he doing up at this hour?

My eyes narrowed. He should be resting. I sighed and shook my head. He is stubborn, that one.

I follow the footprints to the gate. He had paused here for a few moments. No doubt he realized that if he opened the gates I might have heard him. I couldn't help but smile as my eyes traced his movements. The turtle had jumped as high as he could, gaining a brief foothold on a dent in the wall, wedged his sais between the top of the wall and the tiles covering the roof of it, and used the leverage to flip himself onto the top of the wall.

I smiled, pleased. His ingenuity is admirable. If only there were some way I could get him to apply that same ingenuity in battle. He still has it in battle, of course, but he pushes it aside in favor of attacking head on with brute strength. Hmm…

My mind clears as I focus allowing the stone's energy to course through me. With a brief flex of my leg muscles, I jump effortlessly up to the top of the wall. I look down below me and examine the turtle's trail before jumping down and resuming my pursuit.

Judging by the length of his strides, Raphael is in no rush to get to his destination. The footprints pause several times, turning from side to side, as though the turtle was examining his surroundings. He spent quite a bit of time under one of the larger cherry trees. I looked up and smiled. Three baby birds chirped loudly as their parent fed them. Raphael shifted his weight forward, implying that he was bowing his shoulders. My smile dimmed slightly. I sighed. He misses his family. Of course, that is to be expected. Still, my heart is heavy with the knowledge of his pain.

I slowly turn away and follow the prints further down the mountain. _Where is he headed?_ I wondered briefly. He's going down the same way we came up when he first arrived. _Surely, he wouldn't try to leave…_

I shook that thought away. Raphael's stubborn pride would not allow him to return home without accomplishing his goal. Of that I am certain.

My feet came to a silent stop as I took in the sight in front of me. About twenty meters away, two emerald green feet stuck out from beneath the old blue truck I used for driving to and from the nearest village. I raised an eyebrow.

His foot twitched a little as he felt my prescience. He remained silent, probably waiting for me to speak first.

"And…just what are you up to?"

He slid out from under the truck and growled at me. His hands were covered in grease. "C'mere."

I raised an eyebrow, but followed him nonetheless. We moved around to the front and he lifted the truck's hood. "You see that?" He asked, pointing to the engine.

I frowned and shook my head. "I do not know much about the inner workings of motor vehicles."

Raphael rolled his eyes. "Well, obviously. This engine is a piece of shit."

I am not very strict when it comes to regulating his speech. But that does not mean that I will not express my disapproval when it comes to his choice of words. His gold-amber eyes met my strict stare with a flat one. Hmm. He is strangely calm.

The emerald green turtle turned all his attention to the engine, sliding around from one side to the other as he carefully poked about from different angles. I watched in silent fascination. In training the turtle was fiery, passionate, angry, predictable. Here…the passion was just as evident, but the fire was contained, mitigated by focus.

Fascinating.

"You can fix it?" I asked, moving over to stand beside him.

Raphael gave me a very bland stare, the fire in his eyes flashing briefly. He shrugged. "Yeah, I can't fix it. That's why I just spent an hour assessing the damage." He said pointedly, annoyance and sarcasm filling his voice. "I can fix some of it, with the right tools. Some of it is completely shot. You need replacement parts. Where's the nearest place you can get car parts around here?"

"The closest city to here is about an hour away."

He frowned. "This scrap pile might not make it that far in the condition she's in."

"She?" I asked, slightly confused.

Raphael shrugged his shoulders. "Eh, habit."

I suppose that is all the answer I am going to get.

"You got tools?" He asked just as I turned to leave.

I let out a long, slow exhale. Turning my head slightly back over my shoulder, I murmured, "I will get you some when I go into town today. Have you written the letter to your brothers?"

Raphael paused. "I tried…but I just got so frustrated I had to—"

"—get out?" I suggested. Hot golden orbs glared at me, and I knew I was right. I cleared my mind and lowered my gaze. "Raphael…having a shell is futile."

His dark green arms crossed over his plastron. "In case you haven't noticed, it's kind of attached to me."

"Raphael, I think we are both sensible enough to realize that I did not mean 'shell' in the literal sense." Our eyes met. I put a hand on his shoulder. "You must open yourself, my student. There is nothing to be gained by caging your anger under lock and key. Stop fighting your emotions. Before you can master the art of control you must open the gates and let them flow. Once they are flowing, then you learn to wield them, then and only then can you be totally 'in control'."

The turtle frowned at me. "I can't let go."

"Why not?"

His muscles tensed, his fists clenched. He refused to make eye contact. "Every time I let go…every time I lose control…I hurt people."

The hand I had on his shoulder gripped tighter. "That is why your father sent you to me, young one. You cannot hurt me." I expected a protest of some kind, but oddly enough, none came. I smiled, glad that I could offer him some kind of consolation.

A gentle wind began to blow his bandana tails and I saw him shudder. Slowly, keeping my hand where he could see it, I pressed my fingers to his forehead. "You still have a slight fever. Come, we should go inside." I wrapped an arm around his shoulder and began herding him back up the path to the sanctuary.

Raphael said nothing, which I knew was unusual for the situation. I worried briefly that he was sicker than he let on, but that thought quickly flew off when he finally spoke.

"Did you really mean it?"

"Mean what?" I clarified.

"Everything you said. About controlling my anger. You really think I can do it?"

For a long moment I thought about my reply. This was the first time Raphael had shown such insecurity. I had to act accordingly; otherwise I risked losing what little trust I had managed to gain from him. My lips tightened into a firm, hard line as I turned around to face him. I put my hand on his shoulder yet again and leaned forward to look directly down into his eyes. Raphael pulled back a little at my sudden proximity, but held my gaze. "Raphael, you are a ninja warrior of the finest caliber. Raised and taught by the descendants of one of the greatest ninja clans of all time. Chosen for one of the highest honors that can be bestowed upon mortal flesh, the stone calls to you. Do you think that you would have survived this long, accomplished this many things, done so much in so short a time period, if you were not destined for greatness?"

"Master Splinter says that the hand of fate already has a path in mind for us. What we did in the past doesn't matter because it is past. Things are always changing. I could be a hero one day and a monster the next."

Those intense, gold irises, so like my own flared and dulled. My face was grim as the air between us stilled. I found myself suddenly overwhelmed by the reminder that my new student was little more than a child. A child. And this…this was his greatest fear. I cleared my throat and brought voice to my thoughts. "And is that what you see yourself as? A monster?"

There was no answer. I sighed. Getting Raphael in control of his anger and raging emotions would be much more difficult than I had first assumed. Nevertheless, now was not the time. There were other things that needed to be done.

We walked the rest of the way in silence. I opened the gates and we both slipped inside before I closed them behind me. "Raphael."

He turned to me slowly, with his shoulders squared and his expression guarded. Apparently he had recovered quickly from our earlier conversation.

"Whether you decide to write to your family or not is up to you. But I do suggest that you take some time to meditate and make contact with them, even if only to ensure that they know you are well."

"Hai Sensei."

I did a double take and smiled. That was the first time Raphael had called me Sensei. I was pleased. Today the two of us had passed an important milestone. I have finally gained his trust. Or at least, enough that he respects my judgment. I smiled even wider as an idea presented itself. "Meet me in the dojo at seven o'clock this evening. Do not be late." With that I walked away, enjoying the confused and curious stare on the turtle's face as I did so.

* * *

 **Leonardo's POV**

It's been hours. I couldn't sleep at all last night. Not when I knew that Raphael was in pain. Judging by the fact that I wasn't alone, I assume that my brothers couldn't either. I just feel so useless. Raphael is hurting and there's nothing I can do. This utter helplessness is killing me. I've been pacing up and down the length of the main room since I asked Sensei to tell me what was really going on. A wave of anger suddenly swells up from within me. I let out an angry battle cry, whirling around and barreling straight into the punching bag we kept there, literally beating the crap out of it. I could feel my brothers' gaze on me.

I ground to a stop, my heart pounding and my chest heaving with overexertion. Strong, yet gentle, arms wrapped around me from behind. My little brother's body pressed up against the back of my carapace. I closed my eyes and let out a long, slow exhale as I leaned into the embrace.

No one said a word. There was nothing to be said. After a long silence, I heard movement and I turned to look at Donatello, who was not crossing the room.

"I have projects to work on." He muttered, heading straight for the lab.

Mikey released me and immediately tried to intercept our purple-masked brother. "Donnie no!" Our baby brother cried. His voice sounded so shaken that both of us stared concernedly at him.

"Mikey?" Don asked slowly. Michelangelo barreled into him, practically knocking him over with the force of his hug.

I slowly joined them, wrapping my arms tightly around my two little brothers. Surprisingly, Donatello leaned into the embrace.

When we finally pulled away, Donnie and I turned to Mikey with worried expressions. "Mikey, what's wrong?"

His baby blue eyes dulled sadly. "I'm just…It's…Raph."

I nodded, motion him to go on.

"When we contacted him he kept yelling at Don. But what did it all mean?"

"Where are you going with this Mikey?" I asked, confused.

"What if he was having a vision? What if Donnie's in danger?"

My eyes widened and my concerned expression melted into a thoughtful one. It is possible…I could feel my fists clenching. If Donatello is in danger I'll do whatever it takes to protect him. No matter what.

I glanced over at the turtle in question and all of those thoughts drained away. My purple-masked brother had frozen up. His mouth twitched and his face had suddenly gone pale. He looked like he was about to collapse. I shot forward and grabbed his arms. "Donatello, are you alright?!" I asked insistently.

His brown eyes, suddenly a swirl of emotions, glanced first at Mikey and finally up at me.

"Don?"

* * *

 **Don's POV**

"What if he was having a vision? What if Donnie's in danger?" My little brother asked, his eyes filled with worry.

Every muscle in my body froze up. Of course. My brothers didn't know. I'd never told them. Neither had Splinter. I think my father realized that I would never stop blaming myself for what had happened. And because of that he realized that by telling the others what had happened, I would only convince myself that they, too, blamed me for Raphael's injuries.

They had questioned Sensei, of course, but he hadn't told them anything. When Raph recovered enough, they also began asking him, but the only answer he gave was that it was his fault and that he had done something he shouldn't have.

But now…What am I gonna do? If I don't tell them the truth…But…What will they think when they find out I was the one responsible for Raph's injuries?

Belatedly I realized that someone had grabbed my shoulders and was shaking me. I looked over at Michelangelo. Then finally I glanced up into the eyes of the figure in front of me. Leonardo.

"Don?"

I shuddered at the way my name rolled off Leo's lips. So soft, so filled with concern…

I looked over into Mikey's eyes as he came closer. He was so afraid, yet so loving, so affectionate…

I sighed. I was terrified. They won't be looking at me that way when I tell them the truth. How could they? Knowing that I almost cost Raph his life?

A long, shaky sigh escaped me. Leo's grip on my arms tightened. "Donnie, are you okay?"

Finally I gathered the courage to say what needed to be said. "No."

Michelangelo rushed forward to stand at Leonardo's side.

Leo's eyes widened with panic and he shook me again. I growled in annoyance as I realized that he thought my 'no' was in answer to his question.

With a shaky breath I tried again. "No, i-it w-wasn't a v-vision." I mentally cursed myself for stuttering.

My eldest brother's grip loosened substantially. His eye-ridges furrowed and his eyes narrowed. Mikey's expression hardened. The two of them exchanged a brief, confused glance before turning back to me.

Leo was the first to voice the question. "How do you know that?"

I turned my back to them, forcing Leo's grip off of my arms. "Because it was a memory."

They said nothing, but I could feel them leaning forward. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I didn't have to look to know it was Leo's. His voice was soft and indulgent as he asked, "You mean it was something that…actually happened?"

I turned back around slowly, making eye contact with both of them, cursing the tears that welled up in my eyes as I answered. "Yes."

There was a long period of silence. They knew better than to press me. I needed time to compose myself, to steel myself for the confession I was about to make. "Do you remember—" My voice cracked and I looked away as tears began sliding down my cheeks.

Mikey wrapped me in a warm hug. I didn't return it. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I pushed him away gently.

"Take your time." Leo said softly.

I don't think I've ever seen my eldest brother look so calm, so utterly willing to listen. I nodded softly and padded over to the couch. I motioned them to sit down and they did so. I took a seat in the chair across from them because I didn't want to be even further distracted by their close proximity. I took a deep breath and started again. "Do you remember when we were eleven—" My voice broke again and I glanced expectantly up at them.

They both nodded.

"Well…you see…I wanted to go out scouting for stuff to build with."

They nodded again.

"I managed to convince Raph to come with me. We went into the sewers and we reached the edge of the safe zone. I wanted to go further, but Raph said no." Leo had a contemplative frown etched in his face, but there was no hint of disapproval yet, so I went on. "I-I-I…" I grappled for a few moments before finally letting it out. "But I—I begged him and finally he—he said okay." I glanced up fearfully at my older sibling, but there was no disappointment in his eyes, simply a quiet thoughtfulness as he absorbed what he was being told. "We went deeper into the tunnel and I found a pile of really awesome stuff that I could use in my projects. I went over and started climbing up it to get all the things I wanted—and" My voice cracked yet again, but I forced myself to get it all out. "Raph started yelling at me: 'Donnie! Donnie, don't!' I thought he was just worried about me climbing up so high and I told him: 'Hang on, I've almost got it.' Something snapped really loudly and I turned around. There was…there…was…" My shoulders began to shake with emotion. "It came at me. It fell. And Raph yelled. And then…it hit him. He'd shoved me out of the way. He screamed. I just stood there. I watched. I couldn't—I couldn't help him…I was…frozen. His scream echoed through the tunnels and Sensei found us. Raph was…Raph was…" I suddenly felt myself being wrapped in two warm sets of arms, one on either side. I began to cry even harder. "He wasn't breathing. The shock had stopped his heart. Sensei was pumping his chest. I couldn't do anything. I just stood there. He almost died…he almost…"

"Shhhh…" Leo cooed, one of his arms rubbing my carapace soothingly, though I could see that he, too, had tears in his eyes.

"It was all my fault. It was all my fault, Leo. And I felt so helpless. So helpless. Just like…now."

"Shhh…" He repeated.

"It wasn't your fault, bro." Mikey murmured.

I shook my head. "Yes it was. Yes it was."

"No."

My head snapped up.

Both Leo and Mikey pulled away. Leo's eyes were on fire. "It wasn't your fault Donnie. It's not a fault. It simply is. It was Raphael's decision. We've all had our moments where we were in similar situations, Donnie. We've all made sacrifices for each other, and sometimes those sacrifices nearly cost us our lives. But we will never take them back because they were gestures of our love for one another, of our family."

I shook my head vehemently. "You don't understand! He could have died, Leo! My actions almost led to Raphael's death! I could have killed our brother!"

I've never seen Leo look so furious in my entire life and I actually tried to slide away. "Raphael was willing to die so that you might live, Donatello! He did what he did because he wanted the best for you. You had nothing to do with it. You had no idea what was going to happen."

"WELL I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! I should have known! I should have known it was too dangerous! I should have—"

Leo slapped a hand over my mouth roughly. He looked deep, down into my eyes. "Donatello. Listen to me."

I stared. I was expecting anger and another attempt at telling me that it wasn't my fault, but there was none. Instead, his voice was surprisingly soft and pleading. My eyes glanced over him. His posture was different. His shoulders were relaxed, his countenance was open and expressive. His walls were down.

This wasn't my Fearless Leader Leonardo. This was Leonardo. Just Leonardo. Leonardo, my brother.

"Donnie…What do I think about every single time one of you gets hurt in a battle?"

I gawk a little at the question. "What does this have to do with—?"

"Just bear with me." He answered.

I nodded and tried to think. "You think about everything that went wrong and how we can improve for the future."

Leo shrugged and nodded a little. "Yes…but that's not what I was trying to get at. The one thing I can't stop thinking about? It's how I should have been able to protect you better."

Mikey and I stare sadly at our older brother as he closes his eyes and refuses to meet our gaze.

I reached over and tried to put a hand on his shoulder. "Leo…that isn't your—"

His eyelids flicked up and I was momentarily stunned as his hand shot out and caught my wrist. He cut me off midsentence. "—Then it isn't yours either."

I stared in shock at my older brother before nodding solemnly as we came a mutual understanding.

Michelangelo sighed, and we both looked over at him. "I hope Raph will be okay…"

Leo wrapped his arms around the youngest and hugged him tightly. "We're all worried, Michelangelo. But Raph's the most hotheaded, impetuous and stubborn turtle there is. He'll fight with every ounce of strength he has to get back to us."

I nodded. "Leo's right, Mikey. Raphael's a fighter."

Mikey's smile was contagious. He grinned from ear to ear, and it warmed our hearts. "You can say that again, bro."

Suddenly, the rough tap of a stick on the ground made us look up. Our father was standing in the dojo door with a serious expression on his face. "My sons, I just made contact with Raphael."

* * *

 **Well, How was it? What was your favorite part? Any pointers/tips/suggestions? Review Please!**


	9. Leo's Letter

**These next couple chapters will consist of Raph's ongoing experiences coupled with the POV of one of the other Hamato family members back in New York. And hopefully there will be roughly a chapter for each of their letters.**

* * *

 **Ch. 9-Leo's Letter**

 **Raph's POV**

I'm trying to write a letter home. Have been for a while now. I don't know why this is so hard, I mean, it's just a letter home, after all. But it's still difficult. I guess that part of it is because I don't know whether or not I should write how I've been feeling and that kind of stuff cause I don't want to worry them. But…part of it is also that there are things I kinda want to write Master Splinter that I don't really want the others reading. Hmm…maybe my best option is just to write separate letters for each of them. Yeah. That's a good idea. I could just use a different piece of paper for each one and put them all in one envelope. Yeah. I guess I'll do that.

So now…who should I start with?

I took a deep breath and cleared my mind, about to start writing when…

 _Raphael._

I blinked several times before dropping out of the chair and assuming a lotus position on the floor. _-Master Splinter?-_

 _Raphael, my son!_

* * *

 **Leo's POV**

"My sons, I just made contact with Raphael."

Our conversation with Donatello was promptly forgotten. The three of us bolted upright and leaned anxiously forward, waiting in tenuous silence for our father to speak. The pause dragged a little too long for my taste and my impatience got the better of me. "Is he alright?!"

"He will be fine."

We all let out a sigh of relief and relaxed a little. But just a little. I frowned and sat on the ground with my legs folded, about to contact Raphael myself and assess his situation, but a hand on my shoulder stopped me before I could do so.

"I'm sorry Leonardo, but Raphael still has a slight fever and maintaining such a long-distance contact with me, even for a short moment, has drained him. We must let him rest and recover." I wasn't too happy about that, and it must have shown because Father went on. "Fear not, my son. Despite his brief illness, your brother will be fine. Badgering him on the matter will only push him away. I prefer that from now on you and your brothers refrain from contacting Raphael through meditation. He needs to train just as you did, Leonardo. If he is ever to learn to control his anger Raphael must dig deep inside himself, my sons. And he cannot do that with the added burden of outside pressures. Let him be, my children."

My eye-ridges furrowed. "But father…you said that Raph's actions could have changed to course of our lives. And now we're just going to let him be?" My confusion and suspicion filled my voice and Master Splinter sighed. I frowned. He looked almost…defeated.

"I'm afraid that at this point, that is all we can do, my sons."

I don't like the sound of that. I don't really understand. After all, if there were some sort of unusual risk in Japan where this 'friend' of Sensei's is, he wouldn't have sent Raph there in the first place. I know that he wouldn't have. But obviously there was something Father didn't take into account. Something…that he now thinks could pose a threat to our existence as a family. _Is he…Is he worried that Raph won't come back?_

I thoughtfully took in the expression on my rat-father's face. Hm…I'd have to keep a close eye on Master Splinter from now on.

 **Three days later...**

Three days have passed. And it's been a really slow week. Not many punks to beat up. And despite Sensei's reassurance we're still a little bit worried about Raph. I know Sensei told us not to make contact, but because we were raised as brothers our connection is a little bit closer than most, so I can reach out to Raph without actually making _contact_ with him. I don't know whether Raph notices it or not. I have no idea why, but I seem to get the best readings on him around noon, which is strange since that's like two in the morning over there. But…contact through meditation sometimes works in mysterious ways. It's just about noon now, so I'm going to try and reach him again.

Since I'm only making partial contact I can only really scrape the surface of his consciousness, which consists mostly of vague physical and emotional cues. Right now he seems…calm, tired, yet strangely focused, which I'm not very accustomed to. I try to probe a little bit deeper, using all of my meditative focus. A sudden flash of annoyance makes me jump.

 _-Leo, for goodness sake, will you stop with the mind-probing?! You're worse than the aliens in Mikey's B-rated horror movies!-_

Sudden warmth washed over me and a smile spread across my face as I pulled out of my meditative state. I pressed a hand to my plastron. Raphael…

I won't make contact with him. Like Sensei said, I shouldn't interfere with his training, no matter how much I miss him. Besides, he did sound pretty annoyed, so making contact right now might not be the best idea. Still, I'm just relieved to hear…er…feel his presence again. Especially after all that time we spent worrying.

The rest of the day passed slowly, but I was in a significantly better mood. Even Master Splinter noticed, but thankfully he didn't ask any questions. Finally, at the end of the day we all sat side by side on the couch watching some of Mikey's 'B-rated horror movies'.

Michelangelo had thankfully managed to coax Donnie out into joining us. I'm still worried about him. He hasn't been himself since Raph left and that story he told us about how Raph ended up getting hurt when we were eleven left me feeling cold and numb. I can't believe that he blames himself. I feel that I should have somehow reached out to him and made him talk about it sooner. I feel like I could have somehow saved him the pain. Just another one of my failures as a big brother.

I know that it's difficult to understand, but being the leader and the big brother is really difficult. They aren't mutually exclusive, but they're definitely very different from each other. Sometimes I feel like even when I'm the best leader that I can be, I'm failing my brothers. I'm failing at being their big brother. And when I try to be a big brother and not a leader, I end up hurting them even more. In fact…that's why I stayed away for so long. I felt that couldn't be the son, the brother, and the leader that they deserved.

I didn't realize that I'd completely zoned out until April burst into the lair looking very excited. She stared at us for a few moments, then she glanced at the television and finally she walked over to us. "Hey guys!"

"Hey April." We murmured together, staring at her curiously.

"What's up?" I asked.

She smiled playfully. "Oh…nothing. I just have something for you guys."

That made us even more curious and we all turned our eyes away from the movie screen to look at her, making her smile even wider.

Donnie was the first to tire of the suspense and take the plunge. "Well, what is it?"

April reached into her purse, "You have mail."

We all jumped to our feet as she whipped out a thick, white envelope that was tarnished and a little bent. I recognized the handwriting instantly, even though it wasn't one that I saw often because the person it belonged to didn't like writing very much.

I snatched the letter from April's hands making her jump in shock. I murmured a quick apology as I tore open the envelope and pulled out the contents. There were four separate papers folded neatly, each with a name scrawled loosely on the outside. I raised an eyebrow at that but handed my brothers the ones that were addressed to them, which they eagerly opened and began to read.

I went to the dojo and gave Master Splinter his before I decided to head to my room. I don't know why, but I wanted to read Raph's words to me in private since he'd gone to the trouble to actually write separate messages to each of us.

I was almost to my door when I paused and glanced across the hall. The next thing I knew, I was in Raph's room, laying in his hammock, the letter clutched tightly in both hands. I'm not entirely sure why I came in here. But…being here somehow makes me feel closer to Raphael. Even if only a little.

I unfolded the paper slowly, slightly apprehensive of what it might contain. With a slow, deep breath, I began to read.

 _Hey Fearless._

 _Hope our brothers haven't been givin' ya too much trouble lately. Bet yur job's a lot easier without me around to question yur orders all the time._

 _So, uh, don't worry 'bout me and all that… I'm fine. Just caught some kind of fever bug or something that's been going around. My new Sensei, Master Adachi, says I was delirious for a little while. But I'm doing better now so…yeah. Oh, and I got in trouble for stickin' my beak where it didn't belong._

I paused at the end of that sentence, frowning deeply and disapprovingly before I moved on, almost falling out of the hammock in shock as I read the next sentence.

 _Don't gimme that look, Leo. And don't ask what look, either. You know exactly what look._

I gaped disbelievingly for a few moments before I finally absorbed the fact that Raph had been on the wrong side of my ire enough times to actually know exactly how I'd react to things.

 _So…Japan's really your kind of place, big brother. It's all quiet and serene and stuff, a little too quiet for my taste. But I know that you'd love it here._

I smiled. If it's as quiet as he says he's probably getting restless.

 _We're tucked away in an old sanctuary high in the mountains. It's real out of the way but its beautiful. Of course, that doesn't mean that I'm not bored out of my mind half the time. Or at least the times when I'm not training. Master Adachi has this old jalopy that time forgot and I wanna start fixin' her up in my spare time. Well, what little spare time I have. Master Adachi has a killer training schedule. He's also making me write and speak in Japanese. He's super annoying and can be kind of a dick sometimes. But there are times where he actually kind of reminds me of Master Splinter. I don't know why, but I always get this weird feeling when he looks at me, like he can see right through me. And let me tell ya bro, that shit is really uncomfortable._

 _Anyway, the first month of my training is almost up. Think you can hold up till I get back? Don't bother answering that. I already know you can._

I frowned yet again. Honestly, Raphael, after everything that's happened, and the change in our family just in these first few weeks…I'm really not sure I can. We need you back, little brother. We want you back.

 _Bet that if I was there right now you'd be lecturing me jumping head-first into trouble without you guys there to back me up. That's okay though. Just make notes of everything you want to say and you can recite it when I come home, okay? Mikey and Donnie can cook up some popcorn and you can start roasting me as soon as I get in the door. Knowing you it'll probably take all night._

 _But you know…that's fine with me. It's so darn quiet up here that even listening to one of your lectures sounds fun._

 _-Raph_

 _P.S. Miss ya. (And if you ever tell anyone I said/wrote that I will pound you.) Also, you don't have to write back. I know you don't like writing letters to me._

I frowned in confusion. What did Raphael mean by that? Why would he even think that? I mean…I did get a couple letters from him while I was in the jungle. I hadn't answered them because they were mostly just rants about the fact that I had left. The words were just pure anger and I saw no hope in fighting a fire with paper letters. It would have just been more fuel for the fire. Maybe he took my silence the wrong way.

Clutching Raph's letter tightly in my right hand I started to head for the door when I saw that one of Raph's drawers was open. Huh. Nobody has been in here since he'd left, at least not that I knew of. So Raph must not have closed it all the way when he was packing his things. I went over to it and was about to close it when I saw what was inside. This…this was a drawer of Raph's treasures. There was a little toy car that Donnie had fixed and given him for his seventh birthday. There was a small stack of drawings, obviously Mikey's, depicting Raph in silly and somewhat ridiculous situations. My heart stopped as I fingered a picture that Sensei had taken with a camera that Donnie had managed to fix up. It was me and Raph on our tenth birthday. Mikey and Donnie had gone to bed, but Raph and I had decided to stay up and watch movies. The picture showed the two of us curled up on the couch, with me clinging to Raph's side for warmth. I smiled brightly. I didn't even know Master Splinter had taken this picture. Huh. I wonder when he gave it to Raph…

Maybe I should ask him about it.

I stepped softly and respectfully into the dojo. Splinter must have finished reading the letter Raphael wrote him because he now seems to be deep in thought. "Father?" I asked slowly as I kneeled in front of him.

"Yes, my son?"

"I have read Raphael's letter to me, Father and there are a couple things that I do not understand. I was hoping to ask you for advice on how to proceed."

He nodded. "Of course, Leonardo."

"Well, before I get to that. I wanted to ask you about this." I showed him the picture. "I found it in one of Raph's drawers."

He smiled, his face lighting up a little with amusement. "Ah yes. The two of you were so little back then."

I rolled my eyes a little and smiled back. "It wasn't that long ago Sensei."

"Indeed. The time passed so quickly. So, you want to know why I gave this picture to Raphael?"

"Hai Sensei."

Splinter lowered his gaze. "The answer is very simple, my son. It was when you and Raphael were beginning to get into increasingly dangerous bouts of aggression. I gave him this picture to remind him that no matter what you were his brother and that you would always love him."

"He…doubted that I did?" I asked slowly, suddenly feeling incredibly cold, like an icy hand had taken hold of my heart. To my relief Master Splinter shook his head.

"No, my son. His heart always knew. But one's eyes can play devious tricks."

I nodded and quickly excused myself, the other questions I wanted to ask completely forgotten. I rushed to my room and slammed the door behind me. Moving with extreme focus and purpose I swept over to my desk, taking out all the needed materials. I'm about to do one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life: I'm going to write a letter to my hotheaded younger brother.

* * *

 **Well, how was it? Did you like it? Review Please!**


	10. Sent and Received

**Wow, Chapter 10! How exciting! This is a chapter of letters! Yay! The first two are the other letters sent from Raph to his brothers. And the last one, well…you'll see.**

* * *

 **Ch. 10-Sent and Received**

Donnie glanced down at the paper in his hands for almost a minute before he finally gathered the strength to open it. His eyes darted across it at a lightning speed.

 _Hey Donnie,_

 _How's it going, brainiac? Bet yur probably not too thrilled about the fact that I'm sick. I guess I just caught a bug or somethin' like that. But don't worry, I'm through the worst of it. I was delirious for a couple a days but I got through that._

 _I know you love to overwork yourself and all that, but just because I'm not there to go in yur lab and force you to come out and socialize doesn't mean that you can just spend the next six months in there, okay? Leo and Mikey need ya bro. So get up off your butt and start takin' care of yourself, alright? Look, Don…I'm sorry 'bout the way I walked out on you bro. I know you were upset and I kinda just left you hangin'. But you wouldn't have let me go if you knew…_

 _Donnie…ya know, I've been thinking a lot about that night. You remember? Back when we were eleven? I'm sure you do. I don't think either of us will ever forget it. But you know…we never really…talked about it, did we?_

 _On a lighter note, Master Adachi's got this real old truck. The most useless pile of rusted junk I've ever seen, yet somehow it still runs due to some miracle. It's ancient. Well, I guess compared to a lot of historical stuff in Japan it ain't that ancient. But still, ya'd think a ninja master who depends on this car to get him up and down the mountain would take better care of it. Anyway, I'm gonna fix it up as best I can, which given the circumstances, ain't too good. I know that you'd be able to make into some kind of awesome turtle-truck or somethin' but I'm not nearly as good as you when it comes to upgrading vehicles._

 _Say hi to Mikey for me…oh wait, I'm gonna write him a letter too, so scratch that. I'll tell him myself. But you can give him hug for me. I'm not one for hugs, mailed or otherwise, but I got a feeling he'll appreciate it no matter what the form._

 _I thought being stuck in the sewers all day was bad, try being stuck on top of a mountain with no city within range. Ugh, it's pure torture. You wouldn't believe the air up here! It's so_ _ **clean**_ _._

 _I kinda like the little critters and birds. They're pretty cool. But the bugs!Don't get me started on the bugs! They're horrible! They're hideous! And they're_ _ **everywhere**_ _! You'd probably be going to town trapping 'em in those little containers o' yurs to add to yur ent-o-mo-logical collection or whatever. Yeah, I can spell entomological. I just had to sound it out a little. You should just be happy I know the difference between entomology and etymology._

 _P.S. I miss you guys._

 _-Raph_

* * *

Mikey tore his letter open giddly and giggled as soon as he read the first line. He was relieved to hear from his brother so soon. He was afraid that Raphael wouldn't write at all.

 _Ey Goofball!_

 _What's up, Mikey? Knowing you, you probably have a thousand questions you wanna ask me so let me deal with the biggest of them right now. Yes, it's beautiful up here and no, I won't bring you any souvenirs! What is with you and souvenirs anyway, Mikey? I'm here for training not shopping. Besides, what on earth do ya expect me ta bring ya back, a snow globe that says 'I went to Japan and lived'? Yur a mystery to me, little brother. Oh no…Don't make the face Mikey. Goddamn it I know you're gonna make the face. I'm suddenly feeling guilty just writing this._

 _Look…_

 _I promise that if Master Adachi says it's okay I'll pick something out and bring you back a souvenir. But beggars can't be choosers, got that Mikey? So you better like whatever I bring back for you, cause it ain't like I'm gonna swap it out or anything._

 _Oh, right. Master Adachi. Ya probably got a million questions about him too, don't ya? Well, before ya ask, he knew Splinter's Master Hamato Yoshi back in the days before Shredder became such a big problem. He has a great accent when he speaks English. You'd probably spend a whole day just trying to emulate him, knowing you. (If ya don't know what emulate means ask Don.) He's been making me speak Japanese like every day. And those lessons Master Splinter gave us when we were eight don't really help much. My Japanese is really rusty. But all this practice is definitely helping me improve. I bet I'll be fluent by the time my training is up._

 _And don't you complain about how Leo's so hard on you guys in training. When it comes to training regimes this guy is like Master Splinter on steroids. He wakes me up real early and we train nonstop all morning. Then he expects me to practice and meditate all afternoon in order to improve my skills._

 _Speaking of Leo…you make sure that you and Donnie don't give him too much crap, okay? I mean, I know he's a jerk sometimes. Trust me, I know that better than anyone else. But he does what he does because he loves us and he wants to protect us. So go easy on him. And I know that you and Don rely heavily on each other because of the time you spent together while Leo was away, but don't forget about Fearless. He'll need comfort and reassurance too. Remember, he hasn't been on this end of the 'sent away for training' thing. He's gonna need yur help._

 _And yes, you have my permission to prank him every once-in-a-while while I'm away, but don't overdo it. I still want him to be in one piece when I get back._

 _P.S. Love ya, little brother. (If you tell the others I said that I will smack the green off you.)_

 _-Raph_

* * *

 **Was going to make this two separate chapters but I decided at the last minute to put them all in one. (Also because I was so excited to see what you guys thought of this letter) So here you have an added bonus.**

 **Part 2: Leonardo's Reply**

 _Dear Raph,_

 _I've always found it hard to write down what I really feel. This time is no different. It's so difficult to write letters when you're in a strange place far from home. I understand that completely. I'm relieved to know that you're alright. We were all very worried. As for this mountain sanctuary you wrote about, it sounds absolutely beautiful. You're right; I'd probably love it up there if your vague descriptions were anything to go by._

 _So…tell me more about your new Sensei. What's he like? Is he strict like Master Splinter? You said that he has a crazy training schedule and that he's making you practice your Japanese. That's a wonder in and of itself. I didn't think anyone could make you do anything. Maybe this 'Master Adachi could teach me a thing or two._

 _Raph…there are several things that you wrote in your last letter I'm going to call you out on here. First of all, no more of this 'don't give me that look—you know what look' stuff. It's so horrifyingly accurate it's spooky._

 _Moving on, it is amazing how important one person can be to their loved ones. In a family of five, four children being raised by a single parent, that importance is only further exacerbated. I know, I know. You're probably telling me to 'stop pretending I'm smart like Donnie', but my choice of vocabulary is beside the point. I love my little brothers more than anything else in the whole world. And whether you acknowledge it or not, Raph, that includes you._

 _It's so quiet here without you. Probably about as quiet as your mountain sanctuary. Even Mikey's been quiet. Yep. Mikey and quiet in the same sentence, who'd have thought? Honestly…I'm not sure I can stand to wait until you get back. I miss you so much. We all do. But, just so you know, Donatello's been especially affected by your absence. You might want to write some more letter to him, even if he doesn't reply to yours. I think he'll need all the reassurance he can get from you._

 _Raph…we've always been close. A lot closer than even our brothers realize. You're my best friend, my confidant and my favorite first mate. …Do you remember that? When we used to play pirates? I was the pirate captain and you were my first mate. You were always at my side. We'd explore the sewers together, fighting off danger and finding 'treasure'. Remember the time you and I were gone too long and Master Splinter came out to get us? We were grounded for a week. But after two days, you came over to my room in the middle of the night and convinced me to go and play with you. We spent two hours out in the sewers every night for a whole month afterwards. Those two hours meant so much to me, Raph. I shared more moments with you in that month than I had ever before, and I loved every second of it. Maybe…when you come home…we can do that again. Well—uh—not playing pirates, obviously…I think we're both a little too old for that. But maybe we could go bust some heads or something. Just you and me. If you want, that is. I know that I would really enjoy it, but it's up to you._

 _On a more solemn note, some of the things you said in your letter both puzzled and intrigued me, particularly that comment about me replying to your letters. What did you mean by that Raphael? Don't answer. It was a rhetorical question._

 _I think I know, but I'm not certain. I'm guessing that you said-er-wrote that because I never answered the letters that you sent me while I was away. If that hurt you, I'm sorry. I realize now that I should have written to you. Though, to be completely straightforward with you, some of the things you said in those letters really burned. Especially the insinuation that I didn't care about my family anymore. I care about all of you. I care so much about each and every one of you. I'm sorry, but they seemed so much like rants that I figured no reply was needed. I realize now that that was a horrid mistake on my part. Did it…hurt you…when I didn't reply?_

 _In retrospect I've realized that I wrote to Michelangelo and Donatello constantly, but never wrote a single letter to you. I can't apologize enough to make it up to you, Raphael. I know that. After all, didn't you once say that apologies are just empty words? I wonder…was that part of the reason you were so distanced from me when I returned?_

 _This is starting to sound more like a narrative than a letter. Haha._

 _Just so you know I sat staring at this paper for almost half an hour before I actually wrote anything._

 _I really miss you, Raph. I really do. I know that's probably not what you expected me to say._

 _Not much has happened here since you left. Though…I grow increasingly concerned about Donatello. He has withdrawn from both me and Michelangelo. He talks to Mikey, so at least that's good. But he's barely spoken to me since you left. And he's grown increasingly hostile towards me. We haven't been out on patrol since we found out you were sick or injured or whatever. But when we were out on patrol, Donnie actually cussed me out. He was mad that I didn't share the fact that you were leaving. Yep, Donnie even dropped the f-bomb on me. Don't mention this to Don or Mikey, but I actually had to bite my tongue because I almost called him Raph. I swear he was acting more like you than you were the night you left._

 _Mikey keeps asking me about what really happened during my time in the jungle. I—I don't really know if I'm ready to tell him yet. But Raph…I've trusted you with some of my most guarded secrets over the years. And so…I'm going to tell you now._

 _During my time in the jungle, I felt so alone. I couldn't think clearly without the rest of you around and I quickly grew frustrated. I had no idea how training alone in the jungle was supposed to transform me into a better leader. I meditated for days on end, I toned my muscles, honed my reflexes, did everything I could to enhance my abilities, but none of it worked. I felt like such a failure. And as my one-year deadline came to a close I suddenly found myself unable to turn back. Because I dreaded returning to the four of you as anything less than a great leader. I was scared, Raph. I was afraid that you all would be disappointed in me. I didn't want to let you down. So I decided to stay as long as it took for me to become a better leader. And you know something, little brother? It never happened. Now that I reflect on it, I see that Master Splinter was trying to teach me that I have to have confidence in myself and my abilities. Why he felt he needed to send me all the way to the southern hemisphere to do that…I have no idea._

 _P.S. I know I really chewed you out on the whole Night Watcher thing, but just so you know you weren't the only one doing a little vigilante-ing in your spare time. Let's just say that the Ghost of the Jungle has passed his_ _ **cloak**_ _on to the next generation. I'm by no means encouraging that kind of behavior…but you did say you had free time…And I promise I won't tell Master Splinter._

 _Love,_

 _Leo_

* * *

 **Well, how was it? What was your favorite part? Just out of curiosity, which letter did you like the most and why?**


	11. Painful Fire

**This is a very special treat for you guys! I went through all my documents for this story and found several in progress chapters. Eventually I just decided that I could take a few hours to wrap up one of them and get it out here for you all! I know you've been waiting a long time for this and I'm very sorry, but I have been way more busy this semester than I expected to be! Between my three performing arts clubs and my classes, it's been a real shell of a time! Things are coming to a close in all my classes now and I have a lot of tests and things to be studying for, but you guys really deserve this considering how long I've kept you waiting and you are still out there supporting this story and have been waiting patiently, so I felt that this needed to be done! Hope you enjoy! And it's long, so be ready!**

* * *

 **Ch. 11-Painful Fire**

 **Raph's POV**

It's been one week since Master Adachi mailed those letters to my bros. I think it'll be at least another couple of days before I hear back from them. If I hear back from them, that is. They don't have to write to me, after all. Although, I have to admit if they didn't…I'd probably be a little bit pissed. Okay, make that _very_ pissed. After all, if I took the time to write them a letter, the least they could do is reply.

Well—I'm not expecting Leo to reply, but I hope that Mikey and Donnie do. I know this sounds really pathetic, but I really miss those guys. And I miss Leo, too. After going without him for two years, missing him isn't exactly an unusual sensation. If anything, I miss him even more because of that. But I don't think he'll write me back. He has a lot of other things on his plate, I'm sure, like keeping those little brothers of ours in line while I'm gone. Besides, he didn't answer the last time I wrote him letters. Of course, that was when he was still in South America, and the letters were actually rants about how he should come home, but still…he could have answered me. It would have made me feel a lot better.

What made it even worse was that Mikey sent him a letter around the same time and he replied to Mikey. I even asked Mikey if I could read it to see if Leo mentioned anything about me or my letter. I finally managed to convince my youngest sibling to show it to me, and there wasn't a single word. Maybe Leo didn't realize it, but I had poured my heart and all the emotions that I had hidden away and pent up into those letters. And not one damn word. Not a single goddamn word.

As much as I hate to admit it, even a simple 'tell the hothead to cool it' would have been enough. I was already going through a hard time when I'd written Leo the letter, and more than anything else, I had wanted my older brother's reassurance. Earlier that week I had gone up topside alone and almost got rubbed out in the middle of gang shoot-out. Needless to say, Donnie and Splinter weren't too pleased when I came home with three bullet wounds and collapsed from hypovolemic shock.

You know, I don't think any of us ever told Leo about that. Eh, I probably shouldn't tell him. It would just make him freak out. But anyway…

I was already dealing with the fallout from that whole gang-thing. And then Leo wrote to us saying that he was going to stay in the jungle even longer. I remember that I was so full of mixed emotions that I snapped twelve pencils before I could even write a single word.

When Leo replied to Mikey's letter and not mine, I took that as a sign. Leonardo didn't need me anymore. He'd moved on with his life. So I decided that I needed to move on with mine.

Not long after that, Nightwatcher began rounding up low-lives and pickin' the scum off the streets.

 _"Stop trying to contain them. Let them flow."_ Master Adachi's words from earlier came back to me. My fists went lax and dropped down to my sides.

As I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, my hands started to shake. And then everything went red. For the first time in my life, I allowed my anger to consume me.

I've had lapses in the past, I've lost control, but I've never submitted to it like this. A primal cry rose up from deep inside of me. I collapsed to my knees. My hands gripped my sais so tightly that my knucklers turned white. The prong-like blades dug deep into hard, cracked dirt of the courtyard. As my cry lingered on and on, drawn out and growing increasingly painful, my strength waned. Any rigidity there might have been in my muscles was lost. I could feel my anger ebbing out into the ground. I threw myself back and lay face-up, staring up at the sky. It was blue and beautiful.

Warmth spread through me. I closed my eyes, my body faint and listless. _I feel like I'm floating away…_

* * *

Six thousand seven hundred and thirty-eight miles away, in the depths of the New York Sewers, Master Splinter and his eldest son circled each other slowly. Michelangelo and Donatello watched from the side with interest. It had been a while since they had really gotten to see Leo in action, and sparring with Master Splinter was always when their blue-masked sibling was at his finest. They all were, really. They had to be if they didn't want to get whooped by their father's mad ninjitsu skills.

Leo and Splinter were circling, preparing to go in for a strike. Don noticed the glint in Leo's eyes and the shift in the blue masked turtle's weight and knew that his big brother was about to leap, but then, the next thing the two younger turtles knew, both their father and their brother completely dropped their guard. Splinter swayed a little and leaned against his cane, while Leonardo completely crumpled.

"Master Splinter?!" Michelangelo shot forward to help but Splinter gently brushed the youngest turtle away.

"Leonardo?" The old rat asked, his face darkening slightly as he saw his eldest son's current state. He bent down and cupped the forest-green turtles face gently. "Leonardo? Can you hear me, my son?"

"What was that?" Leo asked, winded and breathless.

Don moved forwards slowly. "What? Are you two okay?"

Splinter looked over at his purple-masked son and nodded, but Donatello still came forward and helped Leo up. He threw one of the leader's arms over his shoulders and yanked his older brother up onto his feet. Leo leaned liberally against him, but Don's fears were lessened as he realized that, for the most part, Leonardo was standing upright on his own. What bothered him most was the crazed look in his big brother's eyes: worry, concern, pain, and confusion all rolled into one with an added dash of frantic urgency just to bind it all together. He'd never seen Leo look so out of control. Except—No, he wasn't going to think about that right now.

"What's going on, Leo?"

Leo stared at his younger brother as though the brainiac had just spoken to him in a language he couldn't speak. "You—" His dark eyes strayed over to Michelangelo, who looked just as clueless as Donnie. "—You didn't feel that?"

The two younger turtles looked at each other and shrugged. "Feel what?"

"Raphael." He said, sounding lost. As ever, in his moment of vulnerability, Leonardo turned to our father.

"Yes, Leonardo. I, too, felt it." Splinter confirmed with a severe nod of assent.

Mikey and Don looked at each other. Don cleared his throat to get their attention. "Then why didn't we?"

"It could be that Leonardo and I are simply more spiritually sensitive than the two of you, but I suspect that it has more to do with contact." The old rat sent his eldest son a very reprimanding glare. "Leonardo, you have been contacting your brother spiritually, even though I asked you not to do so."

"I have not been contacting him, Sensei, I have merely been…monitoring him."

Splinter's eyes narrowed and it immediately became evident that he was not amused. "It is still contact, Leonardo. And you will face punishment for disobeying my orders. But right now," Splinter swayed again and this time, he allowed himself to lean against Michelangelo.

Leo's concern resurfaced and Donatello had to fight to push down the panic that was slowly bubbling inside of him. "What's going on?"

Splinter turned his back to the four of them and refused to answer. Don reached out and gave his eldest brother even more support as Leo began to shake.

"Sensei, please send me to Japan, let me help Raphael."

"No! That is out of the question!" The rat yelled, thumping his tail on the ground. Immediately all three of his sons fell into silence. The tail thump meant that the matter was not up for further discussion.

"What's happening to him, Father?" Leo asked. His voice was so vacant, so far-away sounding, that it made Donnie's hands tighten on the blue-masked turtle's shell. Mikey, too, was riddled with tension, clinging to Splinter's robes.

"He is learning."

"I could feel it, Master Splinter! I could feel his spirit crying out to me! Waves of pure anger and rage! How is that helping him?! How is that training?!" Leo shouted, his own emotions and concern for his sibling taking over.

Splinter sighed. "What you felt, my son, was the magnitude of anger that Raphael has been compiling inside of him over the past sixteen years. Before there can be control, one must master the ability to relinquish it. Raphael has taken the first step of his training, my children. He has set his anger free."

"But Sensei, we've seen what Raph's like when he loses control. He's extremely destructive. He doesn't even realize what he's doing. Isn't that dangerous?"

"Yes. As I have told him, anger is a dangerous ally, but that is precisely why I asked Master Adachi to train your brother. Raphael will not be able to overpower him or harm him in any way."

Donatello's eye-ridges wrinkled. "How do you know that?"

Splinter avoided their questioning gaze. "It just an old legend, my children. Something you need not concern yourselves with right now." Splinter shuffled over towards the dojo door. "Get some rest, my sons. I need to meditate."

As the old rat trudged down the hall, Don could have sworn he heard Splinter whisper:

"You need not concern yourselves with legends…yet."

Those words sent a cold shiver down his spine. Something was very, very wrong with this picture, and he had absolutely no idea what.

* * *

When Master Adachi returned form his journey to town that afternoon, he had that week's mail in tow. Raph turned over the thin, slightly yellowed envelope a few times in his hands, before finally tearing it open and dumping the contents out on his bed. Like the letter he had sent his brothers, inside it were several separately folded pieces. He plopped down on the low kakefuton and drew his legs in to sit cross-legged. The first of the letters he picked up was penned in the small, neat, spidery handwriting of his father.

 _My dear son,_

 _I must admit that I am quite concerned. Adachi informed me of what occurred and I had hoped that he would spare you his legendary obsessions, but apparently it is not to be. Do not put your faith in the tales that he tells you my son. They are not your concern, nor should they be in any way related to your training. I have sent you to Japan to learn to control your anger, not for you to start believing in fantasies._

Raphael's eyebrows furrowed. This was very strange coming from his father, who usually expressed the desire for his sons to believe in the power of the spirits and the individual powers that they held deep inside of them. Splinter respected the old ways and everything that they stood for, so why was the old rat so determined to discourage him from Adachi's tales of the stone and its power? Besides, Raphael had felt the power of the stone for himself. It had jolted him so harshly that he'd been unconscious for almost two days! And now Splinter was telling him it was all a fake? It just didn't make sense.

 _Take care of yourself, Raphael. I hope that you are being respectful of your new Sensei. Do continue to write to your brothers and myself, we appreciate the gesture, even the mundane will satisfy them, they are all very worried about you. Donatello is…quite perturbed by your absence. He has been growing increasingly bitter towards Leonardo, who, I'm certain you're aware, misses you greatly. Your brothers are not the same without you, Raphael, and I fear they will not be whole again until your return. Nor, for that matter, shall I. I miss you very much, my son. I expect you to devote yourself to your training and return to us on time, for any delay will certainly make your brothers and I most uneasy. Soon it will be a month since your departure and already your brothers are anxiously awaiting your return. Be well, my son, write soon._

 _With love,_

 _Father_

Raph's eye-ridges crinkled. He—really wasn't sure how to feel about that letter. Aside from the strange nature of the first paragraph, two things caught the hothead's attention. The first was that Donnie was acting weird and the second was that Leo missed him. Leo? Missing him? That seemed strange. He hadn't expected it. He knew that Donnie and Mikey would miss him. Of course they would miss him, but Leo?

But, then again, why not Leo? Leo was his brother, too. Leo had just as much a right to miss him as Mikey and Donnie did, but—Raph just hadn't expected that from Leo. Leo was always just so—Leo. Mr. 'I can't show my feelings because I'm the fearless leader' Leo. Yeah, Leo was his brother…but somewhere over the past few years Leo had stopped being a brother and become an authority figure, someone who pushed him around and bitched at him for being out past curfew. Leo just wasn't _Leo_ anymore.

Maybe that was why Raph had been so upset when Leo never replied to the letters he'd sent to South America, because it had proven beyond all doubt that the Leo he thought he knew as gone. The subsequent long-awaited return of the prodigal son had brought Raphael no joy, because what little he had left of his older brother had gone away to jungle and died there. Leo never really came back. What returned was a rock-hard magnate wearing his brother's mask and carrying his brother's swords. It wasn't Leo. It wasn't his brother.

It wasn't the Leo whose face he'd imagined as he collapsed in a pool of his own blood with three bullets in his side, while around him, his younger brothers' frantic cries and pleading whispers begged him to hang on.

He'd killed a man that night. Sure it wasn't that big of a deal, they'd all killed before at some point or other, but he'd paused right after and stared at the blood on his sai. Raph still wasn't sure how he'd felt at that moment, but the one thing he'd wanted more than anything else was a firm, reassuring hug from his older sibling. He remembered thinking that as he watched the guy's lifeless body slump down to the ground. He was so distracted that he hadn't heard them—the other men—sneaking up on him from behind. By the time he sensed them, he knew it was too late, but even in those final moments, the only thought that passed through Raph's mind was that Leo would be so pissed at him for letting his guard down.

When Leo had come back, Raphael was mad. He was mad because his brother had left and the only thing that had returned was a cold, heartless disciplinarian who cared nothing about how much his younger siblings had been hurt by his absence. Leo didn't care. He just didn't care! He thought that Raph would just smile and pat him on the shoulder and say 'aw, it's so good to see you bro, welcome back'. Fuck that!

Leo had left them completely in the dark and without a word! For all they knew he was dead! Splinter said he wasn't, but Splinter has been wrong before. What the freak did fearless expect Raph to do? Just pretend it never happened, that it didn't hurt! That he hadn't lost his brother?! Raph had been filled with resentment in those early days.

Then came the stone army generals, and the prophecy, and the rain…and the rooftop. Raphael shuddered. His father's letter, now completely forgotten in the light of this line of thought, fluttered slowly to the ground. Raph's eyes stared blankly at the thin sliding panel on the opposite side of the room and allowed his mind to be sucked back into that difficult time.

That night was easily one of the three worst of his life.

The first was when he'd been pummeled by an army of Foot ninjas and tossed through a skylight. His brothers never spoke of that day, but Raph knew they thought about it every time he was injured or got in over his head. He did, too. Even now, after all the injuries he'd suffered over the years, that was, by far, the closest he'd ever come to death. The pain, the never-ending slough of blows, and finally, opening his eyes to find his older brother slumped over on a stool at his side. He could still remember the set of Leo's shoulders. The anguished look of self-reproach, worry, and guilt on Fearless's face was something Raphael would never lose sight of.

Though it might seem strange, that incident had reminded Raphael that Leo cared. The blue-masked turtle's actions made it difficult to see sometimes, but Leo cared, he cared a lot more than Raph gave him credit for. And he still did.

The second was the night Splinter told them that Leo was going to South America for a year. He'd stormed out of the lair. Leo hadn't said anything to stop him, but Raph had seen the disappointment in his older brother's eyes as he'd left. He didn't say goodbye, but he'd caught up with Leo topside and watched his brother sneak aboard the boat. It had seemed unreal, yet as the boat finally pulled away from the dock, a crippling weight had come crashing down on Raphael. He could still remember how much it hurt knowing that his only older sibling just left them behind.

And the third…was that night. The rain, the lightning, the rooftop, the two of them. Leo's voice ringing loud and clear over the wind that whistled across their faces. Every snarl and grunt as they spun in their deadly dance. Shell.

Raph dropped his head in his hands.

He'd broken Leo's swords. He'd come so close to killing his own brother in a fit of rage. As far as he was concerned that made him hardly fit to live. Leo had forgiven him, but could anyone ever really forgive something like that? How did his brothers do it? They'd always forgiven his faults, countless as they were. They loved him in spite of it all. In that respect, he was the lucky, he knew. That was why he had to do this, no matter what it took.

He had to learn to control his anger to prevent those things from happening in the future. He couldn't hurt them anymore. It was bad enough that he'd hurt them as much he did. Why they would miss him, why Leo would miss him, he had no clue.

Sure, Leo had forgiven him, they'd patched things up, and finally, Raph caught a glimpse of his long-lost brother behind the mask. Raph still felt distanced from Leo, but he could understand why. Leo and Raph were always close by mutual understanding of one another, but two years apart had changed both of them and they couldn't really read each other very well anymore. In truth, they were closer than they had been in years, but only on a superficial level. On an emotional level, they had difficulty relating.

Considering that Raphael's emotions ran deep into the very center of his being, that lack of in-depth understanding had unbalanced him. He was used to Leo and Don being able to take his emotional cues and know what he needed of them. Mikey, well, Mikey was different, Mikey always knew exactly what Raph was feeling, but oftentimes Raph's little brother misinterpreted the signs and poked a particularly sore spot, which resulted in a fiery outburst.

Raphael shook his head. _I'm running 'round in circles._ He thought with a sigh. _No point wasting anymore time thinkin' about that._

His hand remotely lifted the next letter from the pile and spread it open. There were a few pages to this one. His mouth closed and his eyes widened. Elegantly slanted, sweeping letters inscribed neatly and concisely on a sheet of clean white paper contrasted boldly from the warbled, slightly shaky print of his father, but contained a similar measure of formality.

"Leo." He whispered, stunned, slightly hesitant to believe his eyes. He chewed his lip and hesitated to read the text. He wasn't really sure that he wanted to read a three-page lecture from Leo. Bad enough he'd just spent the last ten minutes pondering why in the world his older brother would miss him. He'd rather not have that idea spoiled just yet. Leo probably was just mad at him for making them worry.

Raphael took a deep breath and steeled himself before returning to the letter. His eyes moved slowly across the page.

 _Dear Raph,_

 _I've always found it hard to write down what I really feel. This time is no different. It's so difficult to write letters when you're in a strange place far from home. I understand that completely. I'm relieved to know that you're alright. We were all very worried. As for this mountain sanctuary you wrote about, it sounds absolutely beautiful. You're right; I'd probably love it up there if your vague descriptions were anything to go by._

Vague descriptions? What the shell did Leo want? Poetry? Raph thought, raising an eye-ridge and huffing a little. He wasn't exactly sure what to think. Leo seemed really mellow. Other than the mention of how worried they were, there was no indication of a lecture, which was unusual for Fearless, but—in a way—that was kind of nice.

 _So…tell me more about your new Sensei. What's he like? Is he strict like Master Splinter? You said that he has a crazy training schedule and that he's making you practice your Japanese. That's a wonder in and of itself. I didn't think anyone could make you do anything. Maybe this 'Master Adachi' could teach me a thing or two._

"Oh you're just so smug, Fearless!" Raph snickered, rolling his eyes.

 _Raph…there are several things that you wrote in your last letter I'm going to call you out on here. First of all, no more of this 'don't give me that look—you know what look' stuff. It's so horrifyingly accurate it's spooky._

The hothead frowned at the rather grim implications of that first sentence, but smiled as he mentally pictured the look on Leo's face as his older brother penned that last sentence.

 _Moving on, it is amazing how important one person can be to their loved ones. In a family of five, four children being raised by a single parent, that importance is only further exacerbated._

"And you think big words will help ya get yer point across?" Raph muttered.

 _I know, I know. You're probably telling me to 'stop pretending I'm smart like Donnie', but my choice of vocabulary is beside the point._

Raph rolled his eyes again. This letter was pure Leo from top to bottom. It may not be a lecture, but it sure is bossy, Raph thought, grinning a little.

 _I love my little brothers more than anything else in the whole world. And whether you acknowledge it or not, Raph, that includes you._

Throat tightening a little, Raph went back and re-read those two sentences. His hands shook. He took a deep breath, read the sentences again, and pressed a hand over his plastron. In a breathy, barely-audible whisper, he said, "Love you too, big brother."

 _It's so quiet here without you. Probably about as quiet as your mountain sanctuary. Even Mikey's been quiet._

Raph blinked and rubbed his eyes. He must have read that wrong.

 _Yep. Mikey and quiet in the same sentence, who'd have thought?_

A deep frown spread over Raph's face. "I wouldn't, and I don't like it."

 _Honestly…I'm not sure I can stand to wait until you get back. I miss you so much. We all do. But, just so you know, Donatello's been especially affected by your absence. You might want to write some more letters to him, even if he doesn't reply to yours. I think he'll need all the reassurance he can get from you._

Strike two for Don, Raph thought. Whatever was wrong with Don, Raph made a mental note to spend more time carefully crafting letters to his immediate younger sibling in an attempt to soothe whatever doubts and insecurities the brainiac was keeping hidden.

 _Raph…we've always been close. A lot closer than even our brothers realize. You're my best friend, my confidant and my favorite first mate. …Do you remember that? When we used to play pirates? I was the pirate captain and you were my first mate. You were always at my side. We'd explore the sewers together, fighting off danger and finding 'treasure'._

"How could I forget?" the hothead murmured under his breath. Some of his fondest childhood memories had been forged in the company of his older brother. He grinned a little and read on.

 _Remember the time you and I were gone too long and Master Splinter came out to get us? We were grounded for a week. But after two days, you came over to my room in the middle of the night and convinced me to go and play with you. We spent two hours out in the sewers every night for a whole month afterwards._

Raph smiled. Those were good times, simpler times. There wasn't as much to worry about then, and if there was, they didn't know about it.

 _Those two hours meant so much to me, Raph. I shared more moments with you in that month than I had ever before, and I loved every second of it. Maybe…when you come home…we can do that again._

Emerald green fingers gripped the corners of the page a little tighter.

 _Well—uh—not playing pirates, obviously…I think we're both a little too old for that._

Raph snorted with laughter and a full smile spread across his face. "No duh, Leo." The awkwardness of the statement was authentic Leo. It was his brother, not the fearless leader, who had penned this message.

 _But maybe we could go bust some heads or something. Just you and me. If you want, that is. I know that I would really enjoy it, but it's up to you._

After re-reading that section twice Raph's eye-ridges rose a little. Leo wanted to spend time with him, and not out of requirement or necessity, but just for the sake of spending time with him. Suddenly, Raphael found himself almost looking forward to going home. Yeah, Leo's safety paranoia would mean that they probably wouldn't get any good head-bustin' done, but it might just be worth it, if they got big brother bonding time out of it.

 _On a more solemn note, some of the things you said in your letter both puzzled and intrigued me, particularly that comment about me replying to your letters. What did you mean by that Raphael? Don't answer. It was a rhetorical question._

 _I think I know, but I'm not certain. I'm guessing that you said-er-wrote that because I never answered the letters that you sent me while I was away. If that hurt you, I'm sorry. I realize now that I should have written to you. Though, to be completely straightforward with you, some of the things you said in those letters really burned. Especially the insinuation that I didn't care about my family anymore. I care about all of you. I care so much about each and every one of you. I'm sorry, but they seemed so much like rants that I figured no reply was needed. I realize now that that was a horrid mistake on my part. Did it…hurt you…when I didn't reply?_

A long, low exhale left Raph's mouth and he expertly blinked back a tear or two. "What do you think?" He whispered, though he knew there was no one there to hear.

 _In retrospect I've realized that I wrote to Michelangelo and Donatello constantly, but never wrote a single letter to you. I can't apologize enough to make it up to you, Raphael. I know that. After all, didn't you once say that apologies are just empty words? I wonder…was that part of the reason you were so distanced from me when I returned?_

 _This is starting to sound more like a narrative than a letter. Haha._

"Yeah, real freakin' funny." Raph grumbled sourly.

 _Just so you know I sat staring at this paper for almost half an hour before I actually wrote anything._

 _I really miss you, Raph. I really do. I know that's probably not what you expected me to say._

Raph's hand rose to his plastron once again. Part of him couldn't believe what he had just read. As he looked closer he saw that the words themselves were carved deeply into the paper and that Leo's hand had even shaken a little in the process. Leo really did miss him.

All of a sudden Raph was harshly reminded of the aching hole that had been left in their lives after Leo's departure. He winced a little at the memory. He'd missed Leo, even if he'd been to proud to admit it out loud. It had been blatantly obvious to all of his family members and even April and Casey.

 _Not much has happened here since you left. Though…I grow increasingly concerned about Donatello._

And there goes strike three. Man, Leo must be real worried about Don if he mentioned the brainiac twice. Raph frowned as those thoughts crossed his mind and plowed on through his older brother's neat handwriting.

 _He has withdrawn from both me and Michelangelo. He talks to Mikey, so at least that's good. But he's barely spoken to me since you left. And he's grown increasingly hostile towards me._

The hothead didn't like the sound of that. He could understand Don being upset at him for leaving the way he did, but being upset at Leo? Seemed like Don was taking his anger at Raph's departure out on the nearest big brother at hand, Leo, and that didn't bode well. Don isn't a very nice guy to be around when upset.

 _We haven't been out on patrol since we found out you were sick or injured or whatever. But when we were out on patrol, Donnie actually cussed me out. He was mad that I didn't share the fact that you were leaving. Yep, Donnie even dropped the f-bomb on me._

Okay, Raph really didn't like the sound of that.

 _Don't mention this to Don or Mikey, but I actually had to bite my tongue because I almost called him Raph. I swear he was acting more like you than you were the night you left._

Raph definitely had to write to Don and ask him what the shell was going through that big-brain of his.

 _Mikey keeps asking me about what really happened during my time in the jungle. I—I don't really know if I'm ready to tell him yet. But Raph…I've trusted you with some of my most guarded secrets over the years. And so…I'm going to tell you now._

He leaned forward anxiously as he read. They'd all been wondering how long it would be before Leo talked about his time in the jungle. The leader had never brought it up and so they'd never asked. They had no desire to push him or to dwell on something that they all had such a hard time getting over.

 _During my time in the jungle, I felt so alone. I couldn't think clearly without the rest of you around and I quickly grew frustrated. I had no idea how training alone in the jungle was supposed to transform me into a better leader. I meditated for days on end, I toned my muscles, honed my reflexes, did everything I could to enhance my abilities, but none of it worked. I felt like such a failure. And as my one-year deadline came to a close I suddenly found myself unable to turn back. Because I dreaded returning to the four of you as anything less than a great leader. I was scared, Raph. I was afraid that you all would be disappointed in me. I didn't want to let you down._

"You idiot, you would never have let us down. We didn't care about that, Leo. We never cared about that. All we cared about was you. We wanted our big brother back," the hothead confessed softly.

 _So I decided to stay as long as it took for me to become a better leader. And you know something, little brother? It never happened. Now that I reflect on it, I see that Master Splinter was trying to teach me that I have to have confidence in myself and my abilities. Why he felt he needed to send me all the way to the southern hemisphere to do that…I have no idea._

With a huff Raph agreed, "Me neither."

 _P.S. I know I really chewed you out on the whole Night Watcher thing, but just so you know you weren't the only one doing a little vigilante-ing in your spare time._

Raph's eye-ridges shot up and a smirk tilted the corner of his lips. "Hypocrite!" Then as his smirk grew he muttered, "Who knew ya had it in ya?"

 _Let's just say that the Ghost of the Jungle has passed his_ _ **cloak**_ _on to the next generation._

Golden eyes blinked and drifted over to his bag on the floor by his bed, they glimmered and sparkled with mischief. "Ghost of the Jungle, huh?"

 _I'm by no means encouraging that kind of behavior…_

"Oh, of course not." Raph remarked sarcastically.

 _but you did say you had free time…And I promise I won't tell Master Splinter._

 _Love,_

 _Leo_

With a full, throaty laugh, Raph righted the pages of the letter and folded them as they had been before he'd opened them. It was getting late and he really needed to rest up for tomorrow's training. He glanced at the other letters and carefully placed them on top of his bag to read in the morning after training. After blowing out the small candle on the table by his bed, he put Leo's letter on the table and turned to lay back on his bed comfortably.

He stared at the ceiling for a few moments thinking about Leo's letter. His eyelids began to get heavy, but just before drifting off, his hand reached over and grabbed the letter. His breath evened out and, with all his doubts temporarily assuaged, he fell asleep, clutching Leo's letter tightly to his plastron over his heart.

* * *

 **Well, how was it? Review please!**


	12. Clairvoyance

**Sorry it took so long everyone! I've been busier than anticipated lately! Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 **Ch. 12-Clairvoyance**

Raph stretched and settled down into a cross-legged position on the ground in the center of the empty courtyard. The evening mist surrounded him. Cool, clean, moist air filled his lungs.

"Good evening, Rapheal."

"Good evening, Sensei." Raph greeted respectfully, shifting to kneel before his instructor.

Adachi grinned slightly and motioned him to stand. "Three days ago you took the first vital step in your training: you released the anger which you had kept inside you. Now you must learn how to prevent your rage from building up inside of you."

Raph frowned, doubting his abilities were as great as Adachi made them sound.

The ninja master held up a hand. "Do not lose faith, young one. I have seen your strength and potential. You have the power inside of you, but your own doubt is the thing that holds you back. Let your anger leave your body like a deep exhale, constantly expel it and do not dwell in your rage."

"Easier said than done," the turtle grumbled.

Master Adachi chuckled and clapped a hand on the young turtle's shoulder. "Today, you an I shall find ways to help you manage your anger more effectively than you have in the past."

"Master Adachi, I just don't think it will help. Master Splinter's been trying for eighteen years to get me to control my anger and it never worked."

"That is because your father did not correctly assess the issue, Raphael. Urging you to control your anger without teaching you how to release it only taught you how to keep it inside until it exploded from within."

"And now you're going to teach me how to release it?"

"Yes."

"Just what kind of methods are we talking about?"

Adachi shrugged. "That will depend upon you. I will present you with several different methods that I, myself, find useful. Then, perhaps, you can choose of them, those which prove most effective for you."

Raph shifted. "Okay, so where do we start?"

"We start with meditation." He stated, grinning at the sound of Raphael's groan.

"Can't we try one of the others first?"

"I'm afraid not. While your father certainly trained you in discipline, he has much to answer for in the area of patience."

Raph laughed a little and settled down cross-legged on the floor. "Not his fault. I didn't have much in me to begin with. Really gave him a run for his money."

"I can imagine." Adachi rubbed his temples dramatically. "How he managed to raise four sons on his own…and you turned out so well."

The red-masked turtle scoffed. "Ha, you think I turned out well. Wait till you meet my older brother, Leonardo. You'll never find a more ideal son."

Adachi's face fell and he crossed his arms. "He is the one whose spirit has constantly reached out to you."

Raph blinked. He got that strange feeling again, though by now he'd gotten used to such accurately penetrating statements. "Yeah."

"An interesting character, from what I can sense. Very overprotective and very worried."

"Yeah, that's Leo," Raphael said rolling his eyes, and smiling affectionately. "He sure is both of those. Always acting like a mother hen."

"Understandable. As your older sibling, he feels your safety is his responsibility. There is a lot of doubt in his aura. Fear."

"Fear? Psh. Leo's not afraid of anything. Damn fearless leader." He grumbled, clenching his fists.

"I can assure you that is not true." Adachi sat down across from his student. "Close your eyes, concentrate. Do not contact him, but concentrate on his aura. Think of it as a thread in your consciousness, tying the two of you together. Tell me, Raphael, what do you see?"

Raph did as his Sensei instructed, though he was slightly confused as to the purpose. His eye-ridges furrowed. "I—I don't see anything."

"What do you sense, then?"

"I-I don't—"

"Focus, Raphael! Concentrate!"

"Determination, strength, willpower. But I sense—I sense—something. I-I see…" Raph winced at the memory.

"What do you see, Raphael?"

"I see—me. Myself. Fighting, angry, yelling." He gasped. "The skylight…Fear, so much fear. The—the rooftop, the rain…all those words, underneath it all—fear." Raph snapped out of it and his form broke. "Leo…" He murmured breathlessly.

"I suggest to you, Raphael, that your brother's greatest fear is losing one of his younger siblings."

"Master Splinter said that it was our close bond that would allow us to communicate spiritually. But what I did just now, that wasn't communication."

"You are very perceptive." Adachi grinned. "Normally, spiritual contact cannot really be achieved without some measure of communication and awareness, like when Leonardo was spiritually monitoring you."

Raph looked wary and confused. "Yeah, I'm not very spiritually trained, the only one that Splinter has really taught all the nuances of mental training to is Leo. So how did I?"

"Whether you realize it or not, Raphael, your spiritual powers are quite formidable, more so, I'm sure, than any of your brothers."

"But Leo's the one who trained—"

A stern hand rose to silence him. "Training is not everything, Raphael. You are unique among your brothers, you were given a great gift. And now the time is right for you to learn to use it."

"I don't understand. Is this more of that stone nonsense?"

Adachi's eyes flashed and he whirled around. His eyes burned like fire. "What planted that idea into your head?" He asked, a dangerous edge in his voice.

Raph stiffened and glared straight back as best he could. Adachi's face became stone cold. It sent a nervous shiver down Raph's spine.

"Come." The old master ordered. The tone with which he spoke booked no room for argument. Raph trailed behind him hesitantly, warily. One thing he had learned during his time here: if obeyed and respected, Adachi was an excellent yet stern teacher, but if crossed or challenged, he was by no means hesitant to pound his student into the ground for good measure. Master Adachi led him straight to the room that housed the stone and motioned him inside. He went slowly, the ninja master following behind him and closing the door. The only light came from the stone itself and it made Raphael uneasy.

"Touch it."

"What?! But you said—"

"You have already been connected to it. Its power already flows through you."

"But the last time I touched it, it sent me flying across the room."

"Allow it to use you as a conductor. Feel the power flow from you to it, release it the same way you did your anger. Do not allow it to build up, or you will have a repeat of last time."

"I don't think this is a good idea." Raph said, narrowing his eyes and taking a few steps back.

Adachi caught his arm and forced the young turtle to look him in the eyes. "There is something in it, you need to see."

At the gravity of the statement, Raph paused and glanced warily in the direction of the stone. He didn't really want to, but he had a feeling, a strong bout of intuition that he needed to touch it. He was drawn to it, like a magnet. He reached out slowly, with one hand, his fingers but centimeters away. Finally, with a deep breath, he closed his eyes and closed the gap. A strangled cry escaped his mouth. His spine arched.

"Let it flow." Adachi's voice swam towards him through a sea of blurry images tainted with a golden hue.

So he did. He let the pictures flood his mind. And sheer horror brought him to his knees.

"No…NO!"

Donnie locked in a cell, writing on the wall, a crazed look in his eyes, muttering rapid nonsense. Donnie…locked away…going insane…

"No…" He turned his head from side to side, beads of sweat running down his face.

Mikey cornered, with no way out, surrounded, helpless, unable to protect himself. Mikey hurt, being repeatedly struck. Crying out for help, not getting any. No mercy. His little brother. Little Michelangelo cornered…injured…dying…

"No! No!" His breathing rate was rapid.

Leo, oh Leo, no…no…

Leo strapped down to a lab table, being poked with all kinds of needles, cut open with scalpels, being experimented on. Leo…being torn apart…dissected…

In the vision, Raphael approached the table, wanting to reach out to his big brother, who already appeared to be dead. He jumped as the horribly scarred and wounded hand grabbed his wrist. Leo looked him straight in the eyes.

"Why couldn't you save us?"

Raph tore his hand away and drew back. He couldn't bear it. Staying there. He had to get out. He had to get out. He rushed out the door of the dream room, tears streaming down his face. His brother's dying voice screamed after him:

"Raphael! RAPHAEL! Why couldn't you save us?! Why couldn't you save them?! RAPHAEL!"

His eyes snapped open and he stumbled back, falling back on his hands. Tears streamed down the sides of his face and his entire body shook with horror. He looked and saw himself in a mirror panel to his right. His jaw dropped. His eyes…his eyes…were…green. Bright, neon-green, the same way they had been when he was a child. Wonderingly, he brought his hands up to his face, but within seconds, they faded back to gold.

Sensing his confusion, Adachi spoke, "Your experience with the stone is precious little. Such a long encounter with it drained you so considerably that your eyes reverted to their original color. But, as you can see, strength can be quickly recovered."

Raph's breaths, still deep, evened out a little and he gathered enough strength to whisper, "And the things I saw?"

"I don't know what you—"

Anger surged up from within him and he whirled around, grabbing Master Adachi by the throat. Raphael stared in astonishment as a golden glow surrounded his hand. Master Adachi's eyes narrowed, he brought his hand to Raphael's arm and a golden flash split them both apart, flinging them back a couple feet. Raph growled. He pointed knowingly at the great ninja master.

"You know _exactly_ what I saw!" he raged, stomping closer. Adachi flung him back with another flash of light, or at least he tried to. Raphael easily deflected it. His lips curled. "What does it mean?"

Adachi didn't answer.

"Tell me what it means!" Raph shouted at the top of his lungs.

Sweeping forward, the ninja master latched onto the irate student's shoulders. In a low voice he murmured, "What you saw are shadows."

"What does that mean?" He reiterated.

"Shadows of a future that might come to be."

"But won't necessarily happen?" Raph demanded.

Master Adachi nodded ascent. "Exactly."

"What do I do?"

Again, Adachi was silent.

Raph pushed. "What do I do?!"

"You must choose. The shadows you saw will come to pass if you fail to train in the ways of the stone. You have already taken the first step, Raphael, you have learned to wield it."

"Can you swear that if I allow you to teach me, my brothers will be safe?"

"Yes."

His eyes narrowed. "How do I know I can believe you?"

"I would like to think that you trust me by now."

"How do I know?" Raph insisted.

"Look to the stone, Raphael. Both of us are linked to it."

The student raised an uncertain eye-ridge at his teacher.

"You can see into my mind the same way I can see into yours. Focus. Concentrate."

Raph did. He concentrated as hard as he possibly could. He saw into the mind of the Sensei, felt the stone's energy passing between them. He could feel the truth of the statement. He bowed his head. "You expect me to choose? There isn't even a choice. If it means saving my brothers, I'll do anything you ask."

A hand clapped his shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. "I understand completely. You will do as I say—"

"But I don't owe you any allegiance."

"Be careful, Raphael. You must trust in me if you ever wish to truly save your brothers and your powers will only truly blossom if you believe the things I tell you."

Raphael tore away from the contact and rushed from the room. Adachi watched him go. It wasn't until the turtle was long gone, that he allowed his head and shoulders to fall. _It is for the best, Adachi. It is for the best. Let him go. For now, he needs to run._

That was the first night that the Mountain Spirit walked. Shrouded in a tattered, brown cloak, he descended upon the town and came to their defense.

Many, many miles away on the rooftops of New York City, a turtle stood outlined against the brightening morning sky. He felt the wind in his face and inhaled a deep breath of air feeling a fleeting sense of peace. But there was something else. Something familiar. He felt closer to Raph up here. Be careful little brother. Please be careful.

* * *

 **Review Please! How was it?**


	13. Halfway Point

**We're getting closer! Hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

 **Ch. 13-Halfway Point**

Donatello glared at the creased, foreign paper in his hand. The consistency was interesting, slightly thicker than standard writing paper. His mind, however, was more focused on its contents. This was the sixth letter he'd received from Raphael.

The first four had come in rather rapid succession, while the last two were delayed, Raph using the excuse of being much busier. The dreaded training period was now half over. Every day, the date of Raphael's return drew closer, and the more anxious Donatello became. Every letter filled him with apprehensive dread. He feared that any day, he could open an envelope containing the message that his brother wouldn't be coming back. Like Leonardo all over again.

And Raph's letters weren't helping to assuage his doubts. He clutched tighter to the one in his hands, crumpling it a little.

 _Ya know, Don, the city's always been such a big part of me. I used to think I couldn't survive anywhere else, but now, I have to say, I really am getting it up here. And it's really nice…to go out and bask in the sunshine. Reminds me of the farmhouse, but more remote, even fewer people around. There are no passersby or anything like that to worry about. I feel so…free._

He did know. He had felt the same freedom his brother spoke of during their time at the farmhouse. They still went out there, on occasion. Raphael always seemed to enjoy their visits even more than the rest of them. He spent hours wandering in the woods and basking on the back porch. And he always the most reluctant to leave. Deep down, Donnie had always suspected that Raph would spend months on the farm if it were possible. That's why he'd been so perturbed by Raph's letters of late. They were so light-hearted and content. It scared him.

 _Would Raph really want to come back?_

* * *

Bodies fell to the ground with muted thuds. The cloaked figure standing above them tilted his head to one side and cracked his knuckles. He nudged one of the unconscious lowlifes with his foot to get a better look at the face. He snorted and drew back.

"I hate hired thugs."

Fingers tightly gripping the edge of his cloak, he made to leave, but was stopped by a gentle tug. He whirled around, his sai ominously protruding from the shadowy folds. His addressor barely flinched.

"You would not harm an old wanderer, good spirit." An elderly voice stated evenly in Japanese.

He returned his sai to his belt, keeping a decent amount of distance between himself and the human. "You're right, I would not."

"Were it in my power, spirit, I would reward you kindly, but I fear I have precious little to give."

"You don't need to—"

"You have saved my daughter's life tonight, great spirit."

Raph leaned forward, confused. "I-I don't understand."

The old man held out a bag of money. "This money will help pay for my sick daughter's operation. If it isn't done, my daughter will die. I'm sure that these thugs were sent to rob me."

The story, combined with the revelation of what this old man might have lost had he not been there, stirred Raphael's protective instincts. "Where are you taking the money?"

"It is not far, just a few more streets from here."

"Go." He said softly. The old man looked at him, wonderingly. Bowing his head, Raph reassured, "I will see you there safely before I depart."

Relief flooded the old man and he bowed gratefully. "Thank you, gracious spirit. How will I ever repay the service you have done me this night?"

"You do not need to. Supporting your daughter through her recovery will be enough."

Frowning, the old man mumbled. "That will not be enough to ease my conscience, spirit. Please," he brandished a short sword, "take this."

"I couldn't—"

"Please. This kodachi has been passed down my family for generations. I have no sons to pass it on to. I would like you to have it. I can see that yours are more learned hands than mine. Please, I insist. Take it as a token of my gratitude for saving both me and my daughter."

Raphael knew the difference between receiving a gift and being given a gift. And he knew the affect that it had on the giver. In the light of this most recent development, it would hurt the old man if he turned the offer down. He accepted it graciously and bowed. Seeing the smile on the old man's face made it all worth it.

The cloaked turtle followed the old man to the surgery and witnessed the payment of the money through the window. Moving around the building to another window, he watched as the father knelt at the bedside of a sick young woman, probably only four or five years older than himself. Suddenly he felt their eyes on him. He bowed one last time and vanished into the night.

He retraced his steps, intent on resuming his patrol. Imagine his surprise when he found the lowlife scum he'd just busted. All of them up and growling.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here? I'm surprised you punks are still standing."

"You're going to be really sorry, cloth-head."

"Oh really?" Raph cracked his knuckles. "Well I hate to break it to you, but you really should've stayed unconscious, cause by the time I'm done with you, you're going to wish you were."

"Is that supposed to scare us, spirit?"

"No." He held up his sai. "This is." He lunged at them. They scattered. He took the first three out easily.

Someone jumped out from behind him and wrapped him in a chokehold. Before he could slip out of it, the guy was on the ground, unconscious. A dark figure swept in, took out the three remain thugs, and slowly turned to face him.

"Look, whoever you think you are, I don't need help." Raph grumbled at the black-cloaked figure.

"And you expect me to sit back and let you have all the fun?" A familiar voice rumbled from beneath the black folds. Yanking the hood back, Master Adachi smiled at the bewildered look on his pupil's face.

"You-You-You were…and you aren't going to…"

"To what?"

"Lecture me. For vigilante-ing."

Adachi shook his head. "I see no reason to. I believe you are doing the right thing. Besides, it seems to be an effective outlet for your anger."

"So you're not going to scold me, or anything?"

"You are not a child, Raphael. Scolding would not be effective. If I disapproved of your presence here, I would have struck you by now." As though to punctuate the statement, an arm shot out and whacked the turtle on the head.

"Then what the shell was that for?!"

"That was for allowing them to best you! You are fifty times stronger than they will ever be, but you do not think before you act. You have a brain, use it."

"I'm not sure my brothers would agree with you on that."

"On the contrary, Donatello is very much aware of your intelligence, so is Michelangelo. Leonardo, like me, believes that you have the intelligence, you simply choose not to use it."

"I think that's a little uncalled for."

"Indeed? Then I would be willing to make you a bet, young one."

Raph's eyes narrowed. "What's in it for me?"

"Two days no morning training."

"Deal. What's the bet?"

Adachi smirked. "That will have to wait until tomorrow."

* * *

"Donnie!" Leo shouted, knocking firmly on the lab door, "Time for patrol!"

"Coming." Don's soft voice murmured from inside.

Michelangelo bounded out of the hall with his nunchucks tucked in his belt. He struck a dramatic pose, "Michelangelo is ready to kick some shell!"

Leo smiled and watched his younger brother fight off imaginary bad-guys with a few simple katas. The lab door creaked softly, making the leader turn to his purple-masked sibling. "Hey, Don. What's the latest?"

Don's raised an eye-ridge. "What do you mean?"

"You've been in the lab all day. New project?"

"No."

"Old project, then?"

Don shook his head. "No," He pushed past his older brother and headed for the door, "Let's get going."

Leo sighed and shook his head before trailing after Don.

Mikey put his nunchucks back in his belt and frowned worriedly after his older brothers.

"Donnie, I know you're worried about Raph. We all are." Leo began as they trudged single-file down the sewer tunnels.

"Let it alone, Leo."

Eyes narrowed, posture straightening, Leo caught Don's shoulder and halted him mid-stride.

"Not yet. We need to talk, Donnie."

"About what? There's nothing to talk about."

"Yes, there is. If you weren't working on something, why have you been locked away in the lab all day?" He demanded.

"That's not your business."

Grabbing Donnie tightly by the shoulders, Leo shoved him up against the wall. "I'm your older brother and I can make it my business."

Mikey came forward to pull Leo away, but his older brother threw up a hand to silence him.

"Why, Donnie?" Leo reiterated.

"Because I needed to think. Alone."

Leo's manner changed. His posture softened. "Donnie…you don't have to be alone. Mikey and I—"

"Save the lecture, Leo, I've heard it all before."

"What is it going to take to get you to believe it?"

"More than you've got."

Leo's beak wrinkled and he shouted. His fist crashed into the sewer wall to the right of Donnie's head.

Donatello jumped. He couldn't believe his eyes, but even as he watched, his eldest brother crumbled right in front of him.

Trembling, Leo lowered his hands. The wraps on his right hand grew a pale red. Even his voice shook as he spoke. "Well?" he shouted.

Don flinched at the sudden volume, unsure what his brother wanted from him.

Leo's eyes flashed.

Edging away, fearfully, Donnie's hands began to shake.

"What are you waiting for, Donatello?!" Leo shouted, throwing his hands up. "If you hate me so much, then hit me!"

The brainiac's eyes widened and he took another step back.

"Hit me, goddammit!"

Don shook his head and continued to back away.

Leo's head drooped. "I know you're mad at me. Just hit me! Please…"

Both younger siblings stared, in awe and horror. Leo sounded so broken, but his posture was so strong. Don approached him slowly. He closed his eyes and dropped his guard.

About a foot away, Don paused. He started to reach out, but then thought better of it and allowed his hand to fall. "Leo—I think I'd much rather do this." He whispered softly, enveloping his older brother in a tight hug.

Leo's eyes snapped open, but soon closed and he clung to Donatello. Michelangelo let out a silent sigh of relief. Maybe this meant that these two would finally start trying to help each other deal with Raph's absence rather than estranging themselves.

As they pulled away Donnie smiled for the first time in a while. "Please don't do that again, Leo."

Leo raised an eye-ridge.

"I've never enjoyed using living beings as my punching bag, and my brothers even less so."

Leo grinned. "Raph never seemed to mind."

"You've made him the same offer, then?" Don asked, a little unnerved at the prospect.

The eldest didn't seem to notice his brothers' discomfort. "More than once. He usually accepts it. Though he prefers it when I'm punching back. I usually go easy on him so he can get it all out of his system."

Don gripped his older brother's shoulder tightly, "Leo…I—it's not that I'm upset with you about Raph. I just—"

"Need someone to blame."

"No, I—I just—"

The knowing look on Leo's face made Donnie sigh. Trying to convince the leader otherwise would prove futile, for he had hit upon the truth and he knew it.

Leo grinned. "I'm happy to be your punching bag, verbal or otherwise, Don. But if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll always be here. And the minute Raphael gets back I expect you to give him a lecture he won't soon forget."

That made Donnie smile. "Believe me big brother, he won't know what him."

Mikey beamed and bounced forward. "Careful, bros, you lecture him too much and he might explode!"

Playing along, Leo shook his head, "I don't know, Mikey. He has been training to control his anger, after all."

"Psh, even if he has, he'll still be the same old Raph. His temper isn't going to just go away."

"We'll see, Mikey. We'll see."

Donnie frowned a little. They slowly began to walk together down the tunnels. "You're training changed you, Leo."

"Did it?" He asked curiously, "How so?"

"Well, you've been calmer, more patient. In some ways, more withdrawn, but in others more outgoing towards us."

"And?"

"When you first returned, I think we all felt the difference very strongly, but after your…altercation…with Raphael, we got the real you back. You were still different, but at least you were—well, you, again. But what if—?" He lowered his head.

His brothers waited patiently.

"What if Raph just isn't Raph anymore?"

Leo frowned. He had to admit, the same thought had crossed his mind. "Then we'll knock some sense into him. Just like he knocked sense into me."

"I'm not sure I like the sound of that," Don grumbled.

Leo sighed. "We'll do whatever it takes. Don't worry, Don. Raph'll be fine."

"I hope so."

"He will, bro!" Mikey said, throwing his arms around both of their shoulders. They smiled and nodded, allowing their little brother's mirth to comfort them.

* * *

Adachi and Raphael slipped through the shadowy alleys of the village, the young turtle allowing his master to lead the way. About three minutes passed before Raphael realized that they were taking the fastest route back to the mountain path. He stopped. Adachi noticed immediately and turned to face him.

"I was planning to do a couple more rounds."

"We have done enough for tonight."

Raph's eye-ridge shot up. "We?"

"Objections?"

The turtle thought it over for a few moments. He was still skeptical.

"I will keep you on your toes." Adachi smirked.

"Really? How's that?" Raph asked, looking up. He blinked. Adachi was gone. What the shell? His fingers flew to his temples as a gold image flashed through his brain. Adachi sneaking up on him from—behind! He whirled around and blocked the incoming blow with his forearm. A gold flash erupted from between them at the contact. Adachi continued to press, but Raphael refused to give way.

The red-masked turtle grit his teeth and tried to push back. A growl of frustration left his lips as he was slowly lost ground.

Adachi chuckled. "Your anger only wastes energy, little one. Let it go. Calm yourself and focus. It is all in your mind. Allow it to flow through your body, let it become your strength."

Raph closed his eyes and let his anger drain away. He calmly focused, allowing the energy to feed his focus and flow to his arms.

Though Adachi was increasingly applying power, Raphael was gradually shoving him backwards.

The gold light between their arms expanded into a disk-like shape. It grew and grew, slowly shoving Adachi back and becoming a glowing shield. Raphael took a deep inhale and opened his eyes. His mouth fell open in shock and his focus broke. The shield vanished and Adachi's power shoved him backwards with a golden flash.

Raphael landed unceremoniously on his backside.

Adachi chuckled. "I see we need to work on improving your focus."

Raph growled up at him, but Adachi just smiled indulgently down at him. "So shall I plan on joining you in your vigilante-ing?"

"I suppose I could let you tag along."

Adachi grinned and helped the turtle to his feet, "That is very obliging of you." Day by day, the old ninja master felt the young turtle mutant growing closer and closer to him. Raphael reminded him so much of himself at that age. At the same time, he was growing more and more attached to the teenager. Raphael was quickly becoming like a son to him.

None of his past students, even…Takeshi had never been so close to him. He was worried. After what had happened with…he had shut himself off to all emotions of the outside world. Raphael had brought light with him. Even the mountain itself seemed to be feeding off of the young turtle's spiritual energy. The plants and the animals were more vivid and cheerful than they had been in years. There was no doubt in Adachi's mind. Raphael was the chosen one.

As they climbed the mountain path, Adachi glanced back at his young student. Raphael appeared to be glancing about at the trees. The sound of cicadas rang through the forests. Raphael distractedly gazing about bumped into a tree and a cicada flew off of it and landed on his hand. Adachi raised an eye-ridge. His young student had gone quite still, eyes wide as saucers.

Raphael stared at the horrifying creature that had landed on his arm. Disgust and fear sprung up from within him. It was staring at him. He didn't dare move. It was HUGE! HUGE! His face contorted into an expression of revulsion. He shook his arm violently.

"AH! Aah! Get it off, get it off, get it off! Eww! Eww! Eww! Eww! Eww!"

The bug hung on for a little while, but as Raphael's struggling grew more and more frantic, it finally flew off. Adachi stared in intrigue. His student watched the bug fly off and rushed to stand behind him, looking nervously around at the other trees. He'd never seen anyone so utterly terrified of a cicada in his life. They were truly harmless. Large, certainly, but harmless. In the summer months, the village children wandered around with nets trying to catch them. They were a symbol of summer.

"Raphael, are you afraid of bugs?" Adachi asked, walking further up the path, leaving his student behind.

"What, me, afraid? No, of course not." He almost ran into another tree, but caught himself and scurried after his Sensei.

"We shall also need to eliminate this fear of yours."

"What?" Raph looked extremely uncomfortable. "That won't be necessary."

"Any weakness you have, must be fortified! Himura will stop at nothing to—" Adachi cut himself off, realizing what he was saying. He hoped that Raphael would let it rest, but the red-masked ninja's persistence was already awakened.

"Himura?"

Adachi refused to look at his student. He lowered his head.

"He was your last student, wasn't he?"

"Yes." Adachi confessed. "Himura Takeshi. He was not worthy. I thought he was the chosen one, but I was wrong."

"Then you could be wrong about me, too?"

"No. I know you are the chosen one. I felt it. I know that you are. It was always you, Raphael. From the very beginning, I suspect that things were meant to be as they were."

"He'll stop at nothing to what?"

"Hm?" Adachi murmured, distractedly.

"You said he'd stop at nothing." Raph persisted.

With a deep sigh, he said softly, "He will stop at nothing to kill you."

Raph's eyes rose to meet his Sensei's. Grave understanding flickered between them.

"What I saw. What the stone showed me. My brothers…" His voice died.

But Adachi was able to perceive the nature of the question. "Yes. It is he you will have to defeat, if you wish your family to be safe."

"I don't understand." Raph murmured, "Why is he so difficult to defeat? If he doesn't have the power of the stone, then…"

"Takeshi was…unhinged by the discovery that he wasn't the chosen one. He could not abide it. He vanished into the mountain caves."

"The same one the stone came from?"

"Yes." Adachi sighed. They continued up the mountain and finally reached the stronghold. Once he had firmly closed the gate to the courtyard, he turned to address his student once more. "And there…he found a stone of his own. A dark stone, one that brings death and destruction."

"Let me guess, you've tried to defeat him, but your powers with the stone weren't strong enough. So you had to flee, take sanctuary here, and wait for the chosen one to come along."

"Yes."

"Jeez. Sounds like the plot of a bad kung-fu movie."

The old master hung his head. "Yes, but sadly, it is quite real."

"How do you know I'll be strong enough?" He asked, sounding quite young.

"You will have to be. For your brothers' sake."

Raph's jaw tightened, his back straightened, and his fists clenched.

Adachi stared. He'd never seen a face so young bearing such a world-worn expression. There was so much strength in this one being. So young, barely more than a child, but so determined to protect that which he held most dear.

"Then I will be. I swear it."

* * *

 **Well, how was it?**


	14. What Conquers Fears

**Friendly warning to all my buggy-buddies out there:**

 **IF YOU ARE A KNOWN ENTOMOPHOBE (ARE AFRAID OF BUGS), PLEASE EXERCISE CAUTION WHEN READING THIS CHAPTER! THERE IS SOME VAGUELY DISTURBING BUG-IMAGERY IN IT!**

 **So please, please, PLEASE, don't hurt yourselves.**

 **Now that that is out of the way…Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long. School's been busier than I thought, but I really worked hard on this one for you guys. Since I haven't worked on this story for a while, I want to make sure you all are still enjoying it as much as you possibly can and I will have some questions for you after the chapter, if you want to shout out any recommendations, comments or reviews. 'Cuz I'll gladly take any opportunity to improve this story for you guys.**

 **Thanks for all your continued support, everyone!**

 **On with the chapter…but one last quick warning: CONTAINS BUGS!**

* * *

 **Ch. 14 – What Conquers Fears**

"Aaah!"

Adachi rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Raphael, it is only plastic."

Raphael was crouched down in the corner, hugging himself. His eyes were comically wide and he looked scandalized.

A smirk lit Adachi's face. He held the plastic bug out to his student. Raphael shrunk back as much as he could. Adachi's eyebrows furrowed. Enough was enough.

"Raphael, take the cicada."

Snout wrinkled in displeasure, Raphael plucked the object from Adachi's palm and held it by one of its spindly, plastic legs.

"Place it on your palm."

"I don't wanna."

Adachi sighed and rubbed his temples. "I marvel that your father is still in full possession of his patience."

Raph smiled. "I wouldn't say full possession…"

"Lotus position. Lay it flat on your palm."

Sighing, Raph grudgingly did as he was told.

"Close your eyes."

That elicited a flat, unyielding stare from the student.

"Uh-uh. No way."

Adachi glared.

"The second I close my eyes you're going to replace it with a real one. I know how this works. My brothers have tried it dozens of times."

"Very well. If you can complete your daily meditation with your eyes open, be my guest."

"What? You expect me to meditate with this thing on my hand?"

"Yes," Adachi answered, heading for the dojo door, "Have fun."

Raphael glared and mocked Adachi. "Have fun," he echoed, in his best impression of his teacher. When Adachi was gone, he looked over at the plastic cicada and swallowed. He glanced back at the door. Nothing. Raph lifted the plastic bug from his hand and was about to set it on the ground—

"Raphael." Adachi's voice chided, warningly, from the other side of the sliding screens.

Raph sighed and put the cicada back on his palm, accepting his fate.

Everyday for the following week, Adachi had Raphael close his eyes for daily meditation and placed a plastic cicada on his palm. Each one was different. There were smaller ones and bigger ones, made of different materials and with different textures. Raphael didn't really know how the heck it was supposed to help him overcome his fear of bugs, but after the first couple days, he relaxed enough that he was able to close his eyes for longer than two or three seconds. The fourth and fifth days, he was actually getting used to it, but there was still a strong undercurrent of anxiousness in his aura.

Finally, by the sixth day of this, Raphael was finally able to accept that the cicada wasn't going to hurt him. He relaxed and pushed all thoughts of the cicada aside to get some real meditation done.

The seventh day, Adachi had Raphael close his eyes. Raphael did as he was told and held out his palm completely prepared. Today's cicada is lighter than the others, Raph thought as he felt the delicate little feet settle on his hand. It had a different texture, too. His muscles tensed up. Uneasiness squeezed the air from his lungs. Nothing happened. The cicada didn't move. He let out a slow breath.

Phew. It's just another fake cicada. Raph told himself.

He opened his eyes and fought the urge to throw it across the room. It looked so…real, but….

He looked closer, moving his hand side to side. Nothing. So it wasn't real.

…Or it was dead. Raph's beak wrinkled. He looked up at Master Adachi. The old man was smiling patronizingly at him. He hated that smile.

Adachi explained, "It is only a shell. Cicada molt when they become adults, leaving behind a shell."

A shudder traveled across Raph's body.

Adachi knelt in front of his student and reached out to put a hand on Raphael's emerald-green shoulder. The turtle teenager had started hyperventilating. "Raphael?"

Raph's golden eyes finally met his teachers', trembling in terror.

Pressing his lips together, Adachi frowned. "Raphael, do not fight me. I am going to reach into your mind."

Taking a deep breath, Raphael nodded. Adachi joined hands with Raphael, and a golden glow surrounded them both. They rose off the ground, the power of the stone flowing between them. Adachi opened his glowing gold eyes, his vision filled with images of his student's childhood.

* * *

Little Raphael crossed his arms over his chest and glared at his brothers. He was nine years old, though they were really only a week or two from being ten. He was too old to be told where he could and could not go. "Well, if you don't wanna come exploring with me, I'll go by myself."

"Raphie, Splinter says that everything beyond the third tunnel is off limits, we can't go there," Leo said, putting his hands on his hips.

"Leo, Raphie, stop fighting." Mikey pleaded.

"Fine, if you fraidy-cats are too scared, stay here and do everything Splinter says."

Donnie frowned. "Splinter says the rules are for safety, Raph."

"Whatever, I'm going." Raph grumbled, leaving the lair without any of his brothers.

The young turtle wound his way down the dark, moist sewer tunnels on his own. He confidently strode past the first three 'safe' tunnels. He'd show his brothers he wasn't afraid. He turned into the fourth tunnel and crouched down to circumnavigate the debris. There were a couple series of drains in this tunnel. Raph progressed down the tunnel. He slowed down. There were little flies in here.

Master Splinter always told them not to play with the sewer flies. He said they were dangerous. Raphael rolled his eyes. How dangerous could one little, fuzzy fly be? He moved on down the tunnel, brushing up against a grate. Suddenly, he felt something crawling down his arm.

Raphael yelped and whirled around. There with hundreds—thousands—of them. They were everywhere! Swirling around him like a black, fuzzy cloud. He swatted at them, trying to scream. A couple flew into his mouth, and in his terrified state, he unintentionally swallowed them. His eyes widened, tears falling down his cheeks. They buzzed all around him, their combined sound echoing through the tunnel at a deafening volume.

He shoved at the flies and rushed back the way he had come, struggling to get past the debris. He had to get out! He had to get out! He had to get out!

He squeezed out the way he'd come, and moved the debris so that it blocked the tunnel entrance completely. A few straggling flies were still with him. He swatted them frantically, green eyes wide as saucers. Staring at the blocked tunnel entrance, he took a couple slow steps backwards.

His carapace bumped something. He screeched and whirled around.

"Raphael, are you alright?" His father asked.

"Sensei!" He cried out, little tears beading up at the corners of his eyes. He jumped up to his father's chest.

Splinter's arms wrapped reflexively around the little turtle and caught him easily. He rubbed Raph's carapace in soft, circular motions. "My son! What happened?"

Raphael didn't answer, he just clung to Splinter's robes and sobbed.

The old rat rushed his son back to the lair, trying to calm him down enough to hear what had occurred. His other three sons flew into a panic when they saw their brother crying and shaking like a leaf. Splinter whispered gentle, soothing words to them, keeping a cursory eye on Raphael's trembling form the entire time.

"Raphie? Are you okay?" Leo asked, wandering over towards his brother.

Raphael didn't answer. He sat staring blankly at his brother's face, eyes wide and body shaking.

"Father, what's wrong with him?" Leo asked, worriedly, looking to his father for explanation and comfort.

Splinter lowered his eyes and sighed. "I'm afraid I do not know, my son. It is late. You boys should get to bed. Under the circumstances, Raphael will stay with me."

Leo's lip shook a little as he cast one last glance at Raph. "I wanna stay with Raphie."

"Trust me, my son, your brother will be alright, but I need you to take care of Michelangelo and Donatello right now. Understand?"

"Hai, Sensei." Leo said softly, leaving Splinter's room and going out to get his brothers and do as told.

Splinter followed Leonardo to the door and called out to the two waiting outside, "Go to bed, my sons. Raphael is staying with me."

Michelangelo and Donatello nodded nervously, but went to do as their father said, Leo herding them along like a faithful puppy. Splinter smiled dimly as he watched them, but he soon turned back to Raphael and frowned. The little one hadn't stopped shaking.

Crossing to his son, Splinter knelt down, pulled the small turtle into his warm arms and held on tightly. "Raphael, my son. Please. I cannot help you if you do not tell me what is wrong."

Raphael said nothing, but after a solid minute or two, recognized he was safe in his father's arms and clung to the old rat like a mussel to a piling. His eyes closed and his breathing evened out, bringing his worried father a touch of reassurance.

"Raphael…what is it?"

"Se—se—sensei…I c-c-c-can't." Raph choked, starting to hyperventilate.

Splinter stroked Raphael's head softly. "Easy, my son…it's alright."

"D-daddy, I'm scared." Raph whispered.

Splinter's heart shattered. He held his son closer. "It's alright, Raphael. Nothing will harm you. You're safe, my son."

"Promise?"

"I promise." Splinter glared darkly at the entrance to the lair. Nothing would hurt his son. Anything foolish enough to try would have to go through him first.

* * *

The images that came next were but quick glimpses of the following weeks. Adachi's paternal instincts flared as he saw young Raphael showing signs of fever.

The symptoms worsened, Raphael was bedridden, his brothers and father hovering worriedly at his bedside. The young turtle was delirious, his fever raged on. Discoloration speckled his neck. Another week passed.

On top of the fever, pneumonia developed. Raphael grew very weak. Adachi saw grief in Splinter's eyes, felt the father's terror at the prospect of losing a child. He saw the faces of Raphael's siblings, bright-eyed and scared. Raphael slowly recovered, fighting his way back, as he fought for everything else in life.

By the time he'd fully recovered, his eyes had changed from green to gold. His family didn't understand the cause, but they accepted it. Life went on as it had before, but from then, Raphael displayed a strong fear of all creepy crawly things.

Adachi and Raphael gently floated to the ground. The glow faded. Adachi closed his eyes and absorbed all that he had seen. He sighed.

So that was the origin of Raphael's entomophobia. Indeed, flies and cockroaches carried many pathogens, probably the cause of his illness. Even if Raphael had not gotten ill, chances are, the experience alone would have been enough to scar him. Judging by how terror-stricken the young turtle was, he was probably already squeamish of insects from the get-go. The encounter with the sewer flies must have sealed it.

Belatedly, Adachi realized that Raphael's body was shaking. He frowned. The teenager had undoubtedly relived every second of that experience with him. The turtle's tremors were subtle, but they worried him. He grabbed both sides of Raphael's face.

"Raphael, look at me," he said.

Raph was dodgy-eyed, searching every darkened corner of the room for creepy crawling critters.

"Raphael." Adachi called more sternly. Shaky eyes made contact with his own. His eyes narrowed. He made up his mind. He would have to present the youth with something that would change his mind. He would have to show his student what it was like to be without fear of insects.

A golden aura flared around them once more. Adachi shared images from his childhood. Chasing the cicada with nets in late summer, trying to gather more cicada shells than the other children, night skies filled with more fireflies than stars… Adachi tried his best to convey the natural appreciation for insects and arachnids instilled upon him from a young age.

 _Reincarnation takes all forms, bridging the gap between the human and insect worlds. Respect them and they shall not bother you._ With these thoughts, Adachi transitioned into later years. Admiring the delicate spin of a spider's web, the beauty in a bird-spider's deadly strike, the marvel of a butterfly's wing beat, the determination in the cock-roach's near invincibility.

 _They own this world, too, young one. You shall never be rid of them, embrace them. For until you can emulate their finest qualities, you shall not be a true warrior. Let these thoughts heal the past that scars you. The stone is connects us to all living things. It is the beating heart of the planet below us. Feel their existence, Raphael, reach out and they shall feel your presence. You have their aid as you have the aid of everything else around you. Watch._

Raphael opened his eyes and scurried back a few feet. Adachi held out a cicada, a real one, this time. It turned its small head to one side and warbled at him. Adachi put it on the ground. Raph scooted even further back until he hit the wall. The cicada kept coming closer. It flew about a foot towards him. He panicked and threw his hands over his head.

"No! Stop!"

The cicada landed on the floor of the sanctuary dojo and stared at him. It was waiting. Raphael's jaw dropped. His terrified eyes darted to Adachi. The man smiled at him.

"I assure you, my student, it will not harm you."

"Did that thing just—Did I—"

"Of course. I was not the one who told it to stop." Adachi grinned.

Raph looked at the cicada. It looked at him. He uncurled from his fetal position and cautiously crawled towards it. He looked up at his Sensei.

"You want me to pick it up?"

"And meditate. Yes. But forcing you will accomplish nothing. The only way to break your fear is for you to want it broken." Adachi sent Raphael a questioning glance, "Do you?"

Raph looked at the cicada and grimaced, but he thought it over carefully.

"It would be nice not to have my brothers trying to scare me with plastic bugs all the time." He looked back at the cicada and gulped. "Here goes nothing."

Adachi watched with a proud smile as Raphael knelt down and stretched out his hand to the cicada.

If he didn't know better, Raphael might have sworn that the cicada canted its head at him, curiously. Sure enough, it resumed its approach and slowly climbed up onto his hand. Replaying the images of Adachi's childhood experiences with the cicada in his head, Raphael forced his muscles to relax one by one.

Even the sight of Raphael's relaxed state didn't completely calm Adachi's paternal concern that the turtle would be alright, so he smiled and settled down across from his student. Just to keep a supervising eye on things. He closed his eyes and took a slow breath, settling into his meditative trance. He sensed Raphael doing the same. Less than a minute later, the cicada began to sing.

"Oh no, you don't. You're sitting on my hand. Don't think I don't know what your chirping means. My hand is off limits. You want in on that action, you go on and buzz your noisy butt right out of here."

Adachi couldn't stop the deep, throaty chuckle that escaped him. He opened his eyes and laughed even harder when he saw Raphael's serious face. Indeed, it might take some time, but Raphael's insect-fearing days would soon be done.

As though lulled into a trance the cicada went silent…for all of five minutes. When it resumed its song, Adachi smiled at the accompanying growl of impatience from his young turtle student.

* * *

Donnie, Mikey and Leo were sprawled on the couch eating pizza and watching old action movies.

"Patrol tonight was a total bust, dudes." Mikey sighed.

"As per usual lately," Don pointed out.

"Yeah." Mikey's eyes drifted away from the screen. "Bet if Raph were here we woulda found somethin'."

Leo sighed and took another big bite of his pizza. "Yeah. And ended up getting out shells kicked."

"Hey, Raph kicks major shell, dude."

"Never said he didn't. He just likes to jump in without looking." Leo grumbled.

Donnie sighed. "Wonder how he's doing."

The brainiac's two other brothers huffed in agreement.

"Been a while since we've gotten any letters," Mikey said.

Leo leaned against Donnie's shoulder. "You got one recently, Don. Anything interesting?"

"Not really. Sounds like he's getting used to it over there."

Leo and Mikey caught the odd tone of Don's voice and questioned him with their eyes. He just looked down.

"How do you mean?" Leo asked, finishing off his slice of pizza.

"He likes it there."

Mikey waved it off. "Psh. What's that place got to offer him that New York doesn't?"

"Freedom," Don whispered. He met his brother's eyes.

Mikey's baby-blue irises dulled with fear. "But he'll still come back to us, right?"

"Of course he will," Don said with conviction, his heart burning at the sight of fear in his little brother's eyes.

The silence overpowered them both. Finally they realized: Leonardo had gone silent.

They looked over at their older brother. What they saw made them wish they hadn't noticed.

Leo's lips drew a flat line across his beak, his dark blue eyes sparkled, dancing with images they couldn't see.

Freedom…the word sent shivers down the back of Leonardo's shell. How he longed to give his little brothers the freedom they deserved…how he wished they, too, could experience the thrill of darting through the leaves of a sunlit canopy. To hear the sounds of the jungle again, to feel the tropic heat on his face, to briefly lose life's burdens and become one with the wilderness...

It was a dream. A dream he'd never know again.

"You chose to come back."

Don's words shook Leo from his trance. He reached for another piece of pizza and closed his eyes. "There was no choice."

Donnie frowned. "Then why were you gone so long?"

Leo's grip on the pizza tightened. He looked away.

Michelangelo looked sadly at his big brother. "You would have come back eventually though, right?"

"Like I said: There was no choice." Leo reaffirmed, his glowing blue eyes staring confidently into Mikey's baby-blue ones.

Mikey's lip trembled. "Doesn't meant there won't be one for Raph."

"He'll come back to us, Mikey," said Leo, softly.

Mikey growled, making Leo and Donnie jump. "He better. If he doesn't I'm gonna fly over there and kick his shell back over here."

Leo laughed and slung an arm over Mikey's shoulders, rubbing his head affectionately. Mikey squealed and swatted him half-heartedly, snatching the piece of pizza from his big brother and eating it. Leo mock-growled and smiled, pinching Mikey's side, making the youngest yelp through a mouthful of pizza.

"You said it, little brother." Leo agreed.

Don watched them with a dim smile on his face. Then a funny feeling passed over him. He saw his brothers' faces change, too.

"Dudes, what do you think is going on?" Mikey asked.

"I don't know. You two feel it, too?" Leo asked, slightly surprised.

"How could we not feel that?" Don countered.

Leo shook his head and answered Mikey's question, "I don't know, but whatever it is, I don't like it."

"It's not necessarily bad, though," Don pointed out. His brother looked at him. "I've been getting mostly just anxious and nervous flashes."

Leo frowned. "Yeah, but they're being magnified somehow, otherwise you two wouldn't be feeling them. You haven't been in close contact with him lately."

"Neither have you." Mikey added.

That remark need no reply. They fell into silence for all of thirty seconds.

"Makes me real edgy," Mikey said.

Leo hummed in agreement. "That's exactly why I'm glad we didn't find any trouble tonight. We can't afford to be distracted when we're out there."

Donnie stared blankly at the television, no longer caring about the loud action film. He scooted over and fell leisurely against his big brother's other side.

Leo grunted and wiggled to free his arm so that it wouldn't fall asleep. He stretched it comfortably along the back of the couch. His younger brother's big, brown eyes stared up at him. Donnie wanted to know something. Leo was a very good big brother. He'd give his little brothers the moon, if it were even remotely possible. Whatever Donnie wanted, he'd do his best.

"What do you need, little brother?" He asked, softly.

"Tell me about the jungle. Tell me what it feels like."

Mikey turned the television off with a click of the remote. It was so quiet that the sound of his brothers' breathing rang in Leo's ears.

"What?" He rasped, requesting clarification.

"To be free."

* * *

 **Sorry it's been so long everybody. Hope you enjoyed that. Again, I apologize for some of the buggy bits, but they were necessary. I'm not the biggest bug person in the world, so some of the research I did really made me shudder.**

 **I wasn't going to have that little New York bit at the end, but decided it was needed. There are four brothers, after all.**

 **Would like to hear from you guys, though. What did you think? Recommendations/suggestions for improvement? Too melodramatic? What was your favorite part? And most importantly: how was it? Reveiw Please! :)**


	15. Walls

**Now that I'm back writing more again, I plan to finish this story and also to get more updates to Brotherly Baggage.**

* * *

 **Ch. 15-Walls**

Brick by brick, he built a wall, blocking the flow of his thoughts from his young student. Gradually sealing the gap between their minds. He had to be careful—oh so careful—to elude the younger's sharp perception. It was like closing a window. If sealed too abruptly, the disturbance in the flow of air was sure to be noticed.

Once the final brick had been laid, the old master's mind danced, spinning colorful ribbons of thought. A few weeks had elapsed, and in them Raphael's power and cunning had grown to rival his own. Fortunately, he still had much to teach the youngling and could fall back of some of the more ancient tricks.

For the most part, the turtle's anger had faded. Of course, there was still the occasional outburst of temper, but there was no longer a buildup of inner rage. All the child had needed was a patient hand to instruct him. One could talk at the impertinent teenager until they were blue in the face, but once properly motivated, there was very little that Raphael could accomplish on his own.

As far as Raphael's training was concerned, Adachi could sense the turtle's inner strength was much greater than Raphael himself realized. This rather unsettling discovery had become apparent when Raphael had come to him, unexpectedly, midday Monday…

* * *

"My eyes are green."

He looked up at the young turtle and narrowed his eyes, trying to get a reading of the emotion underlying the words. He tried to reach out to Raphael's mind and bumped a wall. Though he couldn't peer into his student's mind, he received, in response, a brief flash of doubt. The barrier was soft. Raphael wasn't consciously trying to block him. He could break through it if he wanted to, but decided that he wouldn't.

"I had noticed," he'd responded.

"They changed during training two days ago."

Adachi made a sound of acknowledgement. Raphael sighed and averted his eyes. A meaningful silence passed before he spoke again.

"Didn't change back."

"This bothers you?"

"Yes—I mean no—I mean—of course it doesn't—ugh," Raphael's shoulders fell and he looked up into his Sensei's eyes.

"What is really bothering you, Raphael?"

With a sigh, the turtle confessed, "You haven't been saying much in our training lately. Haven't done any vigilante-ing lately either. Guess I'm not as 'all-powerful' as you thought I'd be, huh? You're disappointed."

Adachi studied his student in stunned silence. There was a dull undercurrent of hurt in Raphael's voice and the unfamiliar emotion of guilt gnawed at his gut.

"I am not. I apologize if it may have seemed so."

"You're doing it again." Raphael accused.

The statement startled him. "I'm not certain what you're referring to."

"You were the one lecturing me about opening up and you keep doing this."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You know damn well what I'm talking about!"

"Raphael—"

"You're a hypocrite," Raphael growled and turned to stomp out.

"Yes," he had sighed.

The admission brought the turtle to an abrupt halt.

"You're right."

Raphael turned and fixed that intense green gaze upon him.

"Sit down," Adachi instructed. The command obeyed, he went on. "A long time ago, I had a student. I made the mistake of overindulging him."

Annoyance flared across the spiritual tie and Adachi flinched.

"That's no reason to keep it all in and act like a soulless, emotionless, insensitive prick. So what? Ya had a student, he went wrong, lost his mind, and turned evil, blah-blah-blah. Ever since I met you, my life's become a bad Kung Fu Movie. Flashback to the Master's younger days."

He closed his eyes. "There is still much that you do not know."

Raphael leant forward to listen.

"Takeshi was my finest student. I was too proud to see that I had turned him into a horrible creature with no mercy and no remorse. One night, he killed an unarmed man trying to rob our citadel," Adachi paused. "I reproached him, but he argued the man would have died anyway."

Raphael's eyes narrowed, his irises burning with moral outrage.

"That was I knew that I had lost him. He'd fallen into darkness, developed a love of power. Access to immortality made him see himself as a god. He had betrayed my teachings and rejected my ideals…I had to stop him. We fought."

Swallowing heavily, Adachi's eyelids trembled as memories of that fateful day flashed before his mind's eye.

"I beat him to the point of death…but I couldn't—" He shook his head, "I couldn't strike the final blow."

"And he got away," Raphael murmured.

"He retreated into the mountain, vowing to one day return."

"But I thought you said he'd found a stone of his own."

"A stone as wicked as his own heart, yes. I never saw him again. Until that day, two-and-a-half years ago...I was meditating in the citadel. It stood on the other side of this mountain. Clouds filled the sky and lightning began to flash. The heavy gates blew open and there he stood."

"Note to self: enemy likes dramatic entrances."

Adachi dealt the teenager a stern glance and went on, "His power was great. He injured me. I might have been defeated, had I not lured him to the mountain caves. I collapsed the tunnel and used the stone to seal him inside."

"So he's escaped again?"

He shook his head. "No, he is still trapped inside."

"Then how do you even know he's still alive?"

"I can sense it. The demon lies in wait."

Raphael's eye-ridges furrowed. "Waiting for what?"

"For release."

"Well, if the stone sealed him in, only its power can get him out, right?"

Adachi nodded.

"Then we don't have anything to worry about. He won't escape. It's not like we're just going to go and let him out."

"He is clever. He will find a way."

* * *

Adachi shook off the reminiscence and cleared his mind, channeling the stone's power through his body. Images flashed before his mind's eye. Raphael meditating… but there was something bothering the teenager. The turtle was struggling to stay focused. Something red clawing at Raphael's thoughts.

No. It couldn't be…

A dazzling red and black beetle buzzed across the plane of his mind. A leering face looked down and laughed. Adachi's tiny figure knelt surrounded by darkness as the laughter echoed all around him.

"No! No! You cannot return."

"We have a score to settle, old friend."

He scoffed. "So you expect me to release you?"

A brilliant, evil smile stretched across the shadowy sky.

"You won't have to."

Adachi reeled back with a startled cry. Just before the trance broke, the world went red.

He woke with a gasp. No, it couldn't happen. Not yet. Raphael was not ready. The teenager had the power, but he was not aware how great it was or how to wield his powers to their full potential. Raphael had released his anger, conquered his fears, but had not yet let go of all his inhibitions. There was still something holding the turtle back.

If Takeshi escaped now…No he could not let that happen. Loathe as Adachi was—they'd have to run.

* * *

Adachi rapped twice on the thin sliding panel of Raphael's room. He got no answer, so he opened it silently. A wan smile graced his lips at the sight that greeted him. Raphael was deep in meditation, but that was not what had made the old master smile. Atop Raphael's head perched a cicada, singing its heart out.

"It's singing, you know." Adachi said, with a smile.

Youthful green eyes snapped open and stared cross-eyed at the offending insect in annoyance.

"I know, but nothing I can say is gonna stop it."

Adachi smiled and stared at the turtle a bit longer than necessary, his mind wandering off.

Raphael brushed the cicada off and it flew away, buzzing out the door. They both watched it go. Raph stretched and frowned at the far away look on Adachi's face.

"So, you need something, or what?"

That snapped Adachi out of it.

"Raphael, after close observation, I believe that we have accomplished what your father instructed me to do. You have learned to control your temper. As for the—other—part of your training, we have hit a bit of a stopping block."

Hurt and confusion fluttered across Raphael's face, but Adachi went on.

"I believe a change of setting would be optimal."

He briefly enjoyed the look of complete bewilderment on Raph's face.

"Therefore I suggest you pack your things and ready the truck. I've already made the call. We're due at the airport in four hours."

* * *

Leo's exhausted eyes opened slowly. His vacant stare scraped across the common room. Donnie lay passed out on the couch and Michelangelo was sprawled in front of the television snoring up a storm. He glanced over at the clock. Two-thirty. Another night spent in the living area trying to distract themselves from their brother's absence. How many nights had they done this while he was away?

He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and they dulled sadly. And how many of those times had Raphael carried them back to their beds, or tucked a warm blanket across their shoulders? Probably too many times to count. Leo sighed and looked over at his little brothers. His aching heart flooded with love and regret.

 _I should have come back sooner, but I was deluded. Entranced by visions of freedom and drowning in my own personal fears, I had forgotten our most sacred rule: Turtles First_.

His mouth twisting upward into a smile, he whispered, "They deserve nothing less."

Swish.

Leo's pupils contracted and a eerie feeling crawled up his shell. Another change in the airflow, then nothing—like a door being opened and shut. His katana were on the rack in the dojo, no way to get them now. Unobtrusively reaching down to his belt, Leo whirled and flung a handful of shuriken at the intruder.

The harrowing sound of metal on metal followed, and each shuriken was deflected by a set of gleaming twin blades.

"Whoa there! If I'd expected this warm a welcome, I'd have stayed in Japan a little longer!"

The blue-masked turtle's arms fell. "Raph?"

His red-masked brother revealed himself.

Acting on impulse, Leo sprung forward, crushing his younger sibling in a bear hug.

Choking unabashedly, Raph wheezed, "Leo…need…breathe."

Leo's eyes widened and he laughed nervously. He stepped back. "Sorry."

"No worries," Raph smiled.

It was as though Raphael being back had snapped a misplaced part of Leo back into place. Leo hadn't felt so clear-headed and focused since prior to Raph's departure. His mind began running furiously.

"It's only been four months. What—?" he didn't finish the question because as he spoke, an unfamiliar voice called in succinct, fluid, Japanese.

"ラファエルさん。これはあなたの物と思いました。"

"はい、先生." Raph bowed in thanks and took the offered crate. There was an odd ticking noise coming it that made Leo raise an eye-ridge.

So this was Raphael's new Sensei? Raph was staring at the ninja master with an inquisitive gaze. It seemed to Leo as though the two of them were sharing further words on a level that he could not understand.

"やめろ," Adachi's golden eyes drifted down to the two sleeping turtles in the living area, "朝にそれらを伝えます."

Raphael nodded, then awkwardly wavered. "Should I show you to the spare room?"

Adachi raised a hand. "No. I think I will have a discussion with your father." He bowed, respectfully.

The two turtles turned to see their elderly, rodent father leaning with both hands upon his stick. Splinter's tawny ears fell on regarding his red-masked son.

"Raphael," he murmured.

Sensing Raph's immediate desire to move, Leonardo relieved his brother of the wooden crate. The ticking intensified and Leo frowned. What the heck was in this thing? It didn't really weigh very much…

Master Splinter wrapped Raphael in a warm embrace. "My son. You have returned earlier than expected," the old rat's eyes shot a suspicious stare over Raph's shoulder at Adachi. His grip on his son tightened.

The ancient ninja master remained impassive.

Momentarily halting his examination of the box to smile at the happy moment, Leonardo witnessed the passive-aggressive exchange between their Father and Raphael's Sensei. His protective instincts flared. He set Raph's crate off to one side.

Splinter backed out of the hug and continued as though nothing had occurred. "It is very early, my child, but your little brothers have been quite concerned about you. Tell them you have returned, then get some rest. In light of your return, there will be no training in the morning."

Raphael grinned, but it was sponged from his face by someone clearing their throat.

"My old friend, though I am aware of the strain laid upon your other students by Raphael's absence, I'm afraid that his training period is not yet over. He is still my student. His training will proceed as I see fit. Though I agree, Raphael requires rest after our journey, his training will resume at noon tomorrow."

"Hai Sensei," Raph acknowledged.

Leo frowned. Dislike boiled in his gut. He looked to his Sensei for a retort of some kind, but was shocked when his father only nodded with narrowed eyes.

"As you say, Raphael's training is your responsibility. You may do as you see fit. Our dojo and supplies are at your disposal."

Adachi bowed.

"It has been a long time, Adachi. I had hoped you would join me in my chambers for a cup of tea."

"That would be most agreeable, old friend." Adachi followed Master Splinter, glancing back over his shoulder at Raphael with an imperceptible nod.

Raph was surprised when Leo grabbed him by the arm and spun him around.

"Are you alright?" the older brother asked, with a trickle of concern running across his face.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Raphael's eye-ridge crinkled in confusion.

Leo glared in the direction that his Father and their strange new guest had gone.

Raph's face briefly fell. "What, Master Adachi?" He scoffed.

"Sensei doesn't trust him and I'm not sure I do, either."

Raph frowned. "I know, it sometimes seems that way, but Master Splinter wouldn't have entrusted my training to Master Adachi if he didn't trust him. Just let it go, Leo. Master Adachi is really strict, but he's not so bad. C'mon lets go wake up the sleepy heads."

Leo glanced back towards Splinter's room and frowned before joining Raphael. Raph was standing in front of his younger brothers, his head canted thoughtfully to one side. A smirk lighting his face, Raph raised a hand to whack them over the head, but Leo caught it and forced it to still. With a roll of his eyes Raph crossed his arms over his plastron.

Leo grinned and bent down, shaking his sleeping brothers awake gently.

"M—guh—huh?" Don murmured, rubbing his eyes.

"Ugh," Mikey's eyes cracked open, then closed, "Nuh, Leo. Five more minutes."

Leo chuckled. "Raph's back. Thought you'd want to say hello. And get hugs now, while you can."

"Mmm," Mikey responded. "Will do, Leo. Just five more minutes."

They smiled at each other and waited.

Don shot up first. His hands latched onto Raph's shoulders, trembling with emotion.

"Raph…" tightening his grip on Raph's shoulders, Don repeated, louder, "Raph!"

Raph's arms rose and returned the brainiac's hug with care, the embrace lingering a little longer than his tough-guy-image might otherwise have allowed.

"Hey there, Don."

"So glad you're back. Was so worried…"

"I know little brother. I know." Raph patted him on the back.

Don pulled away, shooting his brother a curious glance. "You're back early. What hap—" he was cut off by Michelangelo.

Mikey's head lolled towards them and his baby-blue eyes opened just enough to find a target for his whiny exclamation, "Keep it down, Raph. Just five more minutes!"

In the ensuing silence, all three turtles stared with ultimate amusement at their little brother, waiting for the words to take effect.

About thirty seconds later, Mikey jumped up so fast he got shell-lash.

"RAPH?!" The youngest tackled his red-masked brother.

Laughter erupted from the three older turtles.

Raphael beamed. "Awww. I missed you, too, little brother." He rubbed Mikey's head, affectionately.

Mikey smiled brightly. Bouncing up and down like a ball of pure excitement, the youngest demanded that his brother tell him everything about the trip.

Shaking his head, Raph chuckled. "I know you're excited Mikey, but we should all get some rest. We'll explain everything tomorrow morning. Besides, I'm gonna need sleep if I don't want Adachi to wipe the floor with me in training tomorrow."

Don and Mikey's faces clouded with complete confusion. They looked to Leo for answers.

"Raph's current Sensei, Master Adachi, will be staying with us."

The note of hostility in their leader's voice was clear to the orange and purple-masked turtles. Worry creased their foreheads.

If Raph heard it, he paid the note no heed. He surprised his brothers by gathering them all in a suspiciously hug-like headlock.

"Shell, I missed you guys." The clock caught his eye and he released them. "Man, it's getting late. Better get to bed. I'll see you guys in the morning." He bent down to retrieve his crate off the floor and smiled. "We've got four months worth of catching up to do." Starting down the hallway, he leaned back to look at them. "What's up? You guys going to bed, or what?"

His brother's smiled and looked at each other. They joined their hotheaded brother. Raph went straight for his door and went inside. He could immediately tell that a few things had been moved. The room had most definitely been used during his absence, but he didn't care. In a way, it gratified him that they had missed him that much and, after all, he had occasionally done the same during Leo's absence.

He set down the crate and turned to find his brothers waiting uncertainly in the doorway. With a sigh, he lowered his eyes.

His brothers frowned sadly and did the same.

Raph looked up with a smile and shrugged his shoulders. "Rest is overrated anyway. Who's up for a Morning Movie Marathon?"

All three of his brothers' faces lit up.

"Then what are you dome-heads waiting for? Go get everything set up. I'll unpack and be with you guys in a sec."

They all nodded and went off. Raph closed the door behind them and pried open the crate with his sais. He grinned. "Hey little guy. What's good? I know. It was a long trip, but we're done now. Don't you worry."

* * *

 **How was it? Review Please!**


	16. The Power Inside Him

**Wow. I finally got this chapter done. Whew, it took a long time. There was just so much to cover that I really wanted to get in this chapter. I finally did it. This is definitely one of the longest things I have written in a while. So sorry it took so much longer than expected everyone. Hope it was worth the wait. :)**

* * *

 **Ch. 16-The Power Inside of Him**

Raphael's eyes flicked open with a jolt of energy. He was used to waking up early in the morning after a poor night's sleep by now. If that wasn't enough, there was always that little spike of wakefulness. Almost as though someone were poking him via an extrasensory mental connection _._ His eyes narrowed and he glared down the hall at the spare room where his teacher, Master Adachi, was—undoubtedly—already awake and awaiting him. He sighed and looked down at his brothers.

They had fallen asleep in a heap somewhere in the middle of Space Heroes IV, Leo's choice, obviously. He was such a nerd.

Getting out from under his siblings without waking them was going to take a significant amount of contortion. Raph's gnawed his lip as he concentrated on sending a tiny pulse of soothing energy through his older brother's body. It had the desired affect. He was able to wriggle out of Leo's grip without waking him. Moving Donny and Mikey was considerably easier because the two little brothers were completely knocked out.

Raph looked fondly back at the turtle pile, but another tug on the mental string between master and student broke his smile. He prodded gently in reply and proceeded to the spare room.

Adachi was seated in the center or the dim space, which was lit only by candlelight. Sensei and student exchanged no words. After bowing respectfully, Raphael took his place beside his teacher and joined in morning meditation.

* * *

Leonardo turned drowsily, reaching blindly out with one hand. His fingertips felt the rigid curvature of a shell and his eyes cracked open. Orange…Michelangelo. His other arm was also wrapped around a shell. He turned his head. Purple…Donnie. He closed his eyes and his ears tuned in on their gentle breathing. One, two sets of breath next to him. Leo's heavy eyelids drooped as he listened to the deep, soothing pattern of breaths surrounding him.

Then he jerked forward. His eyes snapped opened all the way. His eyes looked from side to side. His breath hitched and his little brothers began to stir.

"Ugh." Don rubbed his head and looked up at his older brother. "Leo?"

"Where's Raph?" Mikey asked, his voice thick from sleep.

"Yeah. We got most of the way through Space Heroes III, and that's the last I remember seeing him."

"That's because you fell asleep first, D! I told you, you needed more caffeine."

"I did not fall asleep first!"

"Oh really? Then I guess all that snoring must have just been your movie commentary."

"I do not snore, Mikey!"

Leo's panicked breath evened out a little. Raph had come home last night. But then, where in the world…

As if in answer to the question in their minds, an unfamiliar voice, low and biting sounded through the quiet lair from the dojo.

"Where is your focus?"

Thud. Thud.

"Don't let your guard down."

Bang! Smack!

"I've seen far better from you."

Mikey shook off his sleepiness and said, "I think he's in the dojo."

Leo rolled his eyes. Donatello playfully smacked the back of their little brother's head.

Mikey giggled, "Seriously, though, D. You totally snore, bro."

"Do not!"

"Do to!"

"Do not!"

As his younger siblings continued this very mature argument, Leo crept over and slid the dojo doors open enough to see inside. He wanted to watch Adachi train his brother. The longer he watched the more his lips curled and he his teeth ground together like he was eating one of Mikey's experimental pizza recipes. Mikey and Donnie's argument was cut off by Leo's uncharacteristic growl. Perplexed, they joined him at the dojo doors.

Raphael took blow after blow, getting knocked back and shooting forward. Then he got slammed shoulder-first into the dojo wall. He slid down to the floor like a raindrop on a windshield. Still panting heavily, Raph's head came back up and his golden eyes glittered. He shook his left arm and pounded the shoulder with his fist, trying to get some feeling back in the injured limb.

Leo's blue eyes became dangerously bluer.

With a loud battle cry, Raphael charged. Adachi used Raphael's momentum against him. Adachi's knee slammed against Raph's plastron, and a swift kick sent him flying across the room. Raph hit the mat gasping.

"Get up," Adachi ordered

The turtles tensed. Leo's legs moved before his body even registered the fact, leading him straight into the path of the rising hothead. His younger brother safely at his back, Leo scowled at their guest.

"What's your damage, Leo?"

"What?! My damage?" Leo wheeled 'round with his fists clenched. His jaw dropped.

The scuffs on Raph's arms and shell were gone. Stunned silence followed. Adachi was dissecting Leonardo with his eyes, making the leader twitch.

Master Splinter came up behind Donatello and Michelangelo, surveying the scene with narrowed eyes. "What is going on in here?!"

Leo crossed his arms over his chest. "You tell me," he said. His glare shifted from Raph to Adachi.

"Oh, so now you coming in here and interrupting our training session is my fault?" Raph's voice rose. His fists were hungry for a fight.

Donatello's eyes met Mikey's, and they nodded. Mikey handed one of his nunchaku to his brother.

"No," Leo shook his head, stepping defiantly into Raph's space. His eyes turned, once again, to Master Adachi. "It's his."

One of Adachi's eyebrows rose.

Master Splinter's ears flattened against his head. "Leonardo! Master Adachi is our guest—"

"And my Sensei," Raph growled.

Leo snapped. Words left his mouth unchecked. "Why should he be?"

No one graced Leo's question with an answer. With the exception of Raphael, all eyes drifted towards the ninja master in question.

His face was as blank as Raph's.

Mikey's head tilted to one side. Raph's fists, first shaking with rage, had gone still. At the same time, Leo's chest heaved and the veins in his neck were bulging.

Don's shoulder twitched and he raised a hand to scratch it. The tingle of little legs made him freeze. His neck creaked as his head swiveled in dreaded slow motion to look at his hand.

The brainiac's terrified scream killed the elephant in the room. He flung the bug away and sputtered at his family's rush of questions. One voice rose far above the rest:

"Nobody move!" Raphael bellowed.

They obeyed.

"Where are ya, little guy? Donnie didn't mean to scare you."

"Scare him?! What about me?!"

A screeching song hit the air and everyone looked at the wall.

"Whoa!" Mikey exclaimed, rushing towards it.

"Mikey—" Raph's warning came too late and the cicada flew away from Mikey's grasping hands.

"Ah! I got it! I got it!" Mikey chased it.

The bug flew straight for Raph with Mikey in hot pursuit. Raph caught his little friend in his hands, and kept his little brother at bay with his foot.

"Leave him alone, Mikey. He's been traumatized enough already, you'll scare him to death with your ugly mug."

"Dude, I'm right here." Mikey stuck out his bottom lip and was disappointed when Raph rolled his eyes.

"Raphael!" A stick hit the ground.

Raph jerked to attention.

"What have I told you about bringing strange creatures into the lair?"

His eye-ridges rose as he shifted his weight from side to side. "Um…nothing Sensei."

"Yeah, I think that was me, Sensei." Mikey pointed out.

Splinter's paw hit his forehead and he groaned. "I should not have to tell you!"

"Raphael, perhaps it would be better if you return your—friend—to his box." Adachi suggested.

"Hai Sensei," he bowed. His eyes strayed to his father.

Splinter sighed and gave a curt nod.

"Friend?" Leo asked.

The cicada crawled up Raphael's arm and all the way up to rest atop his head. He grinned briefly at it and ran a finger along its back.

Three green jaws dropped.

Donnie's finger trembled as he pointed and asked, "Who are you and what have you done with my brother, Raphael?"

A rough hand slapped Donnie's away.

"Haha, very funny. I'll be in my room."

Brief silence followed Raphael's departure as they watched him go. Master Splinter's ears fell and he turned to his old friend.

"You conquered Raph's fear of bugs?"

Adachi was grinning fondly after Raphael, shaking his head. At Splinter's question, his face stiffened. His gaze dropped to the mats.

"I have tried for years to help Raphael face his fear, and I was not successful." Splinter murmured.

"Sometimes it is easier to confess one's fears to a stranger than it is to admit them to a friend or family member, my friend."

* * *

"There you go, little guy. Nice and happy."

The cicada crawled onto the bark inside its box and warbled.

"You know, cicada are very hard to sustain in captivity. For bugs they produce a surprisingly large amount of waste and they feed on living tree matter, so—"

"Donnie."

The quiet call halted any further dissertation. His eyes met his brother's. Don's jaw clenched and his mouth formed a grim line.

"What happened to you?"

"This, again? You trying to be funny, Don?"

Donnie didn't even blink.

"What happened to you, Raphael?" he repeated.

Raph pulled his shoulders back and drew himself up to his full height.

"We all felt it."

Raph's eyes widened. Then the muscles in his face relaxed. He sighed and trotted past his brother to his bag, bringing out a few packages wrapped in brown paper.

"I saw what was in your mind, Raphael. I deserve to know."

Raph set the packages aside. He didn't turn around. "I got sick."

Don stood a little straighter. "That's Master Splinter's story."

His older brother glared back at him.

"That's the only story." Raph said, stressing the second and third words.

The stare-off was fierce. If a single grain of rice had hit the floor of Raph's room, both turtles would have jumped.

Donnie blinked first. He growled and turned away, only to toss his head back over his shoulder, "Leo had a valid point. Why is he still your Sensei?"

"My six month training period isn't over."

"Then why come back?" Don clenched his fists.

The words hung in the air. Raph moved away.

"That eager to get rid of me, Don?"

Donnie turned. His mouth fell open and his eye-ridges drew together. One arm reached for Raph's shoulder, but his courage withered and he fell short. "Raphael, whatever's going on—"

"Just go, Donatello."

"Why won't you tell me?" he demanded, balling his fist at his side.

"Go."

A clammy current of air blew into the room as Donatello stormed out of it. He took one last look back. Raph hadn't moved an inch. Don's lips curled and he slammed the door behind him.

Raphael's hand reached out. He spread his fingers against the cool wall and slid down to the floor. His head dropped down onto his knees.

"I'm sorry, Don," he whispered, "but I have to keep you safe."

* * *

Leo sighed. He looked at the lab door, the sounds of a blowtorch and miscellaneous clanging came from inside. At the same time, a happy ditty drifting from the kitchen indicated they would be having ramen for dinner tonight.

He turned off the television and wandered down the hallway. His feet carried him straight to Raphael's door. Leo reached for the doorknob, but quickly drew back his hand. Looking both ways down the hall, he shifted his weight from side to side. He reached for the doorknob again, stopping when he noticed the eerie gold light pouring out the little crack at the bottom of the door. One of his eye-ridges rose. His fist knocked firmly on the door.

"Raph?"

Something heavy fell on the other side of the door and hit the ground with a harsh thud. Leo breezed into the room, eyes scanning the room from top to bottom and left to right.

Raphael was lying in a heap on the floor, staring at his older brother with eyes wide as saucers. "I…I fell."

A smirk was threatening to form on Leo's lips. "From where? The ceiling?"

Raph's face turned red as his bandana tails. "No! Shut up!"

"What'd you do? Trip on the rug?" Leo asked, smiling.

"Can it, Fearless!" The color started to drain from the hothead's face.

"Of course it wasn't your fault. Obviously the rug caught you off guard by jumping up at you."

His face resuming its natural shade of dark green, Raph's golden eyes turned to Leonardo. "Not a word."

"Aw, come on, Raph. Don't you think Mikey and Donnie should be warned about the dangers of your sentient carpet?" He laughed hysterically.

Leo's laughter stopped abruptly when Raphael grabbed him by the plastron. The red-masked turtle's glowing golden eyes stared so fiercely into Leo's soul it made his blood run cold.

"Give me your word that you won't tell anyone about what you saw."

"Raph, I don't understand. What are you—"

"Why did you come here?"

Wide-eyed and caught in his younger brother's iron grip Leo's lips quavered, "Donnie and Mikey are busy. I came to—apologize for earlier and I—I saw a light." He wriggled, with no success. "Look man, put me down. Seriously, what is your deal?"

Raph released him.

"You just caught me at a bad time. I was trying to—" he lowered his voice, "meditate."

Leo's brain stalled. He blinked slowly. "Meditating?"

"Yes."

"You?"

Raph scoffed. "Well du-uh. The shell do you think the damn candles are for? Romantic atmosphere?" he jibed.

"Covering up the stink of leather and sweat…"

"Why you little—get over here! I'll slap that smirk right off your face!"

Laughter bounced off the walls. Leo hightailed it out of there with his little brother at his heels. Laughing like a child, Leo looked back over his shoulder. He laughed even more when he realized that Raphael was laughing with him.

"Run all you want, Fearless! I'll get ya!"

 _"Imma getcha, 'Eo!"_ echoed the Raph he remembered.

Memories steering him out of the lair and into the sewers, Leo twisted and turned through the tunnels.

Raph caught up earlier than expected, but instead of pouncing, he matched Leo stride for stride.

"Thought you were trying to catch me," the eldest reminded him.

"I was, until you stopped running."

Leo raised an eye-ridge, but kept moving. "We're still running, Raph."

Shaking his head, Raph explained, "You weren't running from me anymore, you started running to something…or some _where_ ," he corrected, softly.

"You still remember the way."

"Could get there with my eyes closed."

"Didn't think you remembered."

"I've never forgotten."

They slowed to a stop. Their eyes met.

With a nod of the head, Leo took a step back. "Lead the way."

Nodding, Raphael made a sharp left.

This was a very old part of the sewers. They climbed up a narrow, iron ladder covered in rust. It creaked under their weight. Raph hoisted himself up and offered his arm to his brother. Leo took it. Shoulder to shoulder they stood, staring down a tunnel very different from the ones they'd just left.

"The secret subway. After so many years…" Raph said.

Leo's eyes glazed over. He looked over at Raph and saw his little brother…six years old, huge green eyes filled with joy and laughter.

"I'm not that kid anymore, Leo."

Leo started. He gave a stiff nod, but said nothing.

 _"Raphie, come on, we gotta go home or Master Splinter will come looking for us!"_

 _"Aww, but you said I could be the pirate king this time…"_

 _"You can be king next time. We gotta go home now."_

 _"Promise?"_

 _"Yes, Raphie, I promise."_

"Why are you thinking so much about it?"

"Huh?" Leo blinked.

"Us playing here. You'd think there'd be other things on your mind, Fearless. Patrols, training, dinner, stuff like that."

"How did you—?"

"Bit obvious," Raph quickly supplied. "Why else lead me here?"

"I came here a few times while you were away."

"And?"

"It's not the same."

"I coulda told ya that. Nothing's ever the way it seemed back then."

"What happened to us, little brother?"

Raphael sighed. "That's an easy one, Leo. We grew up."

In the dead of night, the two older turtles slunk stealthily back into the lair. All was quiet, but the light in Donatello's lab was still on.

"Go to bed, Fearless. I got this one." Raph gestured to the lab.

"Sure you won't need a hand?"

"Nah, best do this one alone. Don and I—we got a few things to sort out."

Tired eyes staring up into Raph's, Leo nodded. But before Raph could leave, his wrist was caught in a firm grip. "Raphael, you know if you ever need to talk…"

Raph shoved his older brother's face backwards. "Sheesh, go to bed, Fearless, before you start getting really sappy. It's too late for this shit." He was startled anew by a stiff one-armed hug from Leo.

"Goodnight, little brother."

Leo's door clicking shut snapped Raphael out of his stunned contemplation. Drifting back to the task at hand, he cautiously maneuvered his way through the mass of inventions in Donnie's lab.

The brainiac was in the process of falling asleep at the desk, but at the sight of Raph, he rose, his brown eyes challenged Raph's presence.

Raph raised his hands. "You're not too happy to see me."

All he got from the brainiac was a scoff.

"After earlier, I don't exactly expect ya to be. But from what I heard, you took my trip the hardest. Why's that, Don? Because you might be next, because of Leo's extended vacation in the jungle, or because you couldn't stop me?"

Don's eyes closed and he lowered his head.

"And then you three felt my thoughts. Can't accept that it wasn't your fault, can you? I guess I can understand that. Fevers can bring out some strange things."

"It wasn't just a fever," Don spoke for the first time, his voice hoarse.

Raph took a long look at the brainiac. Don's shoulders were tense, his face was relaxed and his chest was puffed out.

"No, it wasn't." Raph ceded, any protest would have been useless. "How much do you know?"

Inclining his head, Don kept it vague, "Not much. Master Splinter said that your decision may have changed our lives forever. You seem awfully close and loyal to your Sensei even though you've only known him for four months. And whatever this is—it's not a fever or a sickness. It's something much more powerful than that." Without another word, Donnie's hand swiped Raph's shoulder and the hothead gasped.

Cursing, Raph grabbed the shallow wound with his opposite hand. "The shell, Donnie?!"

His eyes detected the silver gleam of a shuriken pressed between Donatello's fingers. He pulled his hand off the wound to further scold his brother. Raph saw the movement of Donnie's eyes and realized, too late, the brainiac's true intent.

"Clever little shit."

Don bravely stepped forward and examined Raph's shoulder.

"Some kind of self-healing?"

"Something like that."

Their eyes met.

"Don, if you tell anyone…"

"Tell me the truth."

Raph shook his head. "I can't. Don, I can't tell you anything. But please believe me when I say that I have good reasons for not telling you. I know you won't understand, but Donnie, I need you to try and accept it."

"Fine."

Raph's hand gently squeezed Donatello's shoulder. "Thanks little brother. Now get some sleep. You got trainin' tomorrow morning." Making his way to the door, Raph paused. "You comin'?"

"I'll catch up. Give me a couple minutes to put some of this stuff away."

"Two minutes." The hothead left the room.

Don straightened some things and rolled up a few blueprints. With a glare at the door Raph had disappeared through he murmured, "For now, Raphael. I may not understand right now. But I will figure it out."

* * *

Donnie's two minutes were up. Raph got off the couch and started for the lab when—

"Raphael."

"Master Splinter." Raph bowed.

"Please come with me, my son."

"But I was just going to the lab to tell Donnie—"

Splinter's sharp stare halted any further protests. He followed his father to the dojo.

"Sit." Splinter ordered.

Raph obeyed.

The old rat's ears fell and his tail drooped.

"Father?" Raphael leant forward.

"Raphael…there are a few things we need to discuss."

"If this is about the cicada, I—"

Splinter raised a hand. "This evening while you were out, Adachi and I had a lengthy conversation on the subject of your training."

Golden eyes rose to scan his father's face.

"He has asked that you become his fulltime student."

"W-What?"

Plowing straight through the shocked response, Splinter continued, "This, I am certain you realize, would mean a prolonged period in Japan."

Blinking rapidly, Raph tried to speak, but floundered.

"Such distance would put a further strain on your brothers and myself, but it is your future we are discussing." He put a hand on Raph's shoulder and looked him in the eyes. "It is your decision, my son. I wanted to inform you so that you may consider your options. Adachi will give you until your training period is up to make your final decision."

Raph's eye-ridges furrowed. "Father, I don't…"

"Raphael, do not misunderstand, but the fact that Adachi has come to view you as more than a student does not mean he will not lead you astray."

"What? Master Splinter, I don't understand."

"Meditate on it, my son." Splinter turned and left, his tail flicking behind him.

* * *

It was extremely late. Everyone else was asleep in their beds. He'd triple checked. It had given his body something to do while his mind was still hyperactively mulling over the things his father had said. He rolled out of bed onto his feet.

Stopping outside the guest door, Raphael steeled himself and turned the knob. The light from hall behind him stretched across the floor.

"Lingering in doorways is such a tiresome habit. Do you lack the courage to cross my threshold?"

"You think I'm afraid?" Raph's eyes flashed.

"You are troubled."

"But you don't know why. Is it that you can't read through mixed emotions or are you just not trying very hard?"

"Perhaps the wall you've constructed is too strong for me to penetrate."

"My Father says I shouldn't trust you."

"Your father is a fool."

Danger flickered across Raph's face. "Don't ever insult my father!"

Adachi's face went blank.

"I'm beginning to have some doubts, myself! Why have you been treating me less and less like a student and more like a son, huh? Maybe you don't really care about me or the future of this world! Maybe there is no prophecy, no chosen-one! Maybe this is all a ploy to get me to stay and train with you, and to pull me away from my family!"

"You saw the images as clearly as I did. You saw what would become of them!" Adachi's lips curled in anger, "You are letting the opinions of those who fear what they do not understand influence your beliefs. If conflicted you must make a decision for yourself, not be swayed by the narrow minds of others!"

"Exactly. So I am going out into the sewers to meditate, alone, and I'm not coming back until I've seen the images myself, with my own mind."

"You don't know the technique—"

"I'll learn." Raph growled, storming out.

Adachi frowned and watched him go, listening to the gentle thud of the lair door closing behind him.

* * *

It was just barely morning light when Adachi emerged from his room and crept down the hall to the dojo. The first person he saw was the last he expected to see. Splinter's facial expression suggested a similar state of surprise.

"I thought you and Raphael might have already finished your training for the day."

"He went out into the sewers last night." Adachi noted the circles under the old rat's eyes, "Which, despite your words, you already knew."

Splinter didn't even try to argue. His ears twitched.

"I take it he has not yet returned."

Again, the answer was silent.

"It was your words last night that led him to this, Splinter."

"Wasn't it your lies that encouraged him thus far?"

"I have never lied to Raphael."

"Hiding things from him is enough, as is deceiving him with your false legends."

The room darkened as Adachi's face twisted angrily. "You know as well as I they are not false. You have felt the sting of Takeshi's blade yourself! It was I who restored your health. Had you forgotten that, old _friend_?"

"Back then, the world was different."

"Perhaps you don't realize, but Raphael's training is—"

"—no longer your concern. I suggest, Adachi, that you return to Japan."

His aura as black and stormy as a thundercloud, Adachi loomed over the small, aged figure of Master Splinter.

"Then you lay a curse upon yourself, and _all_ your sons." He left, pausing in the doorway to add, "I will not leave until Raphael decides for himself."

* * *

Leo sat on his bed twiddling his thumbs. Raph had been gone all day and now most of the night. His blue eyes glanced at the clock for the tenth time in the past half-minute. He trudged out the door of his room and down the hall to the main room. The light was still on in Don's lab and the clatter of pots and pans told him Mikey was still in the kitchen. Another set of sounds caught his ears and steered him towards the training room. Grunts and soft movements led him to crack open the dojo doors and peer inside.

Raphael, with his eyes closed, intensely focused, was performing a kata that Leo had never seen before. Raph must have returned while he was in his room. No longer inhibited by worry, Leo noted, more clearly Raph's movements. Curiosity piqued, he slid silently into the room and moved to counter his brother.

Eyelids snapping open, Raphael jerked back, sending his fists into the floor. The strike shattered the floorboards, leaving ripple-like concentric cracks two feet in diameter around the points of impact.

Leo stumbled when the dojo floor shook from the power of Raph's fists. He toppled over onto his shell with a startled yelp.

Raph was up in a flash, yanking his brother off the floor and shaking him furiously.

Leo stared.

"What the hell did you think you were doing, Fearless?"

"Raph, calm down."

"CALM DOWN? Leo, don't you get it?! You just—and I—" Raph shook his head. "I could have—" he hugged his big brother tightly, still keeping Leo's feet off the ground.

Leo slowly returned the hug, stunned. But when he looked over Raph's shoulder at the crater-like holes in the dojo floor, he began to understand. That could have been him. His brother could have…

"What is going on in here?!"

"Are you guys okay?"

"What happened?"

Their worried family members must have come running as soon as they'd heard the thud. Leo rubbed Raph's carapace, glaring briefly at the last figure to emerge, standing a few meters behind the others.

"Raph, listen, it's okay," whispered Leo.

"But I could have—"

"But you didn't." Leo pulled Raph into another hug, which the hothead allowed, but didn't return.

Raph's gaze lifted and met Master Adachi's stern glance.

"Listen, why don't you teach me that kata you were doing, huh? Then we'll call it even." Leo suggested, trying to lighten the mood. He gave their brothers an 'all clear' symbol behind his back and felt them relax.

But Raph seemed more on edge than ever. "I can't."

"Aww, c'mon. It looked super cool. Don't tell me it's exclusive to ninjas trained in Japan."

Raph shook his head and pushed his brother's arms off of him. "I just can't teach you, Leo."

Leo's head tilted to one side. A small frown began to shadow the corner of his mouth. "Why not? What's the big deal, Raph? You know I can just remember what you did so you might as well just teach me. It began like this, right?" Leo mimicked the movements he had seen Raph performing earlier.

Master Splinter's eyes narrowed. His ears shot straight up and his tail stiffened. He wheeled around on Master Adachi. "You taught my son the high katas?!"

The turtles winced at their Father's tone. Raphael seemed to shrink.

Adachi lowered his gaze.

Splinter turned to his sons, fixing a particularly steely glaze on Raphael. "My sons, leave us."

One by one, the anthropomorphic turtle teens filed out of the dojo. Outside in the main room, Michelangelo and Donatello fidgeted, while Leonardo paced from side to side, occasionally throwing looks at the dojo doors. The conversation inside was still too quiet to make out, but was gradually growing louder.

Leo looked at his brother.

Raphael was the only one who hadn't moved a muscle since he'd slid down to the floor, leaning up against the outer wall of the dojo overlooking the main room. His green eyes were glazed over as he listened to the words being exchanged betw—

Leonardo did a double-take. He rubbed his eyes and shook his head. Nothing changed. Raph's eyes were still green. Leo shook his head again. He must be hallucinating.

Then he looked over at Mikey. Michelangelo had the same look of awe and disbelief on his face. He checked Don. The brainiac's head tilted to the side with a rather flat interest, not unlike the way he did when observing an interesting side effect to one of his homemade pain remedies.

Just as Leo was about to speak, voices floated through the dojo walls.

"How dare you instruct him in the high katas, he is only a child!"

"He is not a child any longer!"

"You had no right to teach him."

"I had every right as his Sensei and mentor, you entrusted his training to me."

"I did not give you permission to instruct him in your ancient ways."

"It is what he needed."

"I will refuse you any further attempts to train my son."

"I intend to see him through the Rites of Passage. He must complete them to fulfill the prophecy."

Raph could feel his brothers' eyes on him. He ignored them. His stomach was doing summersaults. After storming off last night and coming back a few hours ago with a much clearer head, but with no further insight as to which of his Senseis to believe, he was torn. He felt like the rope in a tug o' war.

Master Splinter laughed. "Prophecies only go so far, Adachi."

"You doubt my judgment?"

"I know what became of your last 'chosen one'."

There was a long pause.

Raph's brothers took a seat across from him, watching him carefully and listening to the growing argument.

"I was wrong about Takeshi, but I am not wrong now. Raphael is the chosen one!"

"No! He will never be!"

Raphael's heart stopped.

"He is not strong enough."

Donatello's analytical mind examined his brother.

Raph's eyes, which had been bright green when they had first found him hugging Leonardo in the dojo, had faded slowly back to gold. At Splinter's final words, his face had become an expressionless mask. The dim light played off his golden eyes in an unfamiliar way and then he stood.

Inside the dojo, Adachi bowed his head. One hand brushed his chest.

Splinter was staring harshly at him. The glare slowly melted. The rat's mouth fell slack and his eyes widened. He rushed out the doors just as Raphael rose to his feet.

"Raphael…"

"I've made my decision."

Splinter's whiskers trembled, "My son…"

Raph leaned out of his father's reach. "I will return to Japan with Master Adachi as soon as the next plane leaves."

Master Splinter drew back.

Mikey sprang forward, "Raphie, no!"

Donnie grabbed him and held him back.

Ignoring the outburst, Raph continued to address Master Splinter. "I can't be kept a child forever, Father. And I can't stay where I'm not wanted or where I'm a danger. You might not believe in me…but I'm stronger than you think."

Head held high, Raphael walked smoothly down the hall to his room, feeling Leo's glare, Don's frown, and Mikey's tears tugging at his heart.

 _Please guys, you've gotta understand_ , he thought, blinking away the tears at the corners of his eyes, _this is_ _ **all**_ _for you._

* * *

 **How was it? Review Please!**


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